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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another evening wedding reception one! AIBU?

96 replies

MadameQuaver · 09/06/2021 20:37

I vaguely mentioned this on another thread but thought I'd start my own thread.

DH's friend is getting married in a few months. It's at a very posh, expensive venue in the middle of nowhere, which is about 200 miles from where we (and DH's friend) live.

We have been invited to the evening reception only. DH's other mutual friends are all going all day. The only place to stay overnight is in the hotel at the venue, which is £400 per night. DH wants to attend the reception so we're going to go, and luckily can afford to, but I think it's a bit arrogant and rude to invite someone to the evening reception only when it's so far away. AIBU to think this?

Also, DH is going on both the stag holidays the groom is having. One is in this country next month and the other has been postponed until next year due to Covid but is abroad. Total spend on the holidays alone is 1k and will probably be over 2k with costs there. Plus as it's such a posh wedding we can't turn up empty handed to the reception and will have to give a cash gift.

AIBU to think it all takes the piss?

OP posts:
Exhausted4ever · 09/06/2021 20:40

Of course it takes the piss but your dh is a bit of a melt for agreeing to it all. Personally I'd be declining all events. And when do you actually invite someone to your stag(s) and not the full day. He's clearly just wanted to make up numbers unfortunately

PaleGreenAndBrightOrange · 09/06/2021 20:40

I think it’s weird that they’re friends enough to go to the stag and the evening but not the wedding... when is it? Presumably post covid if you’ve just been invited.

I would be pissed off tbh. The happy couple only want you to attend the things that YOU have to pay for and wont fork out for you to attend the ONE thing they pay per head for...

SpindleWhorl · 09/06/2021 20:42

They're wankers.

Aprilx · 09/06/2021 20:43

I know we are in strange covid times, but a stag do after the wedding seems really odd to me.

Anyway I think your DH should raise his bar over how he expect friends to treat him.

3Britnee · 09/06/2021 20:45

Yadnbu! I wouldn't go to that.

3Britnee · 09/06/2021 20:47

Or, I would but I'd think of a present that somehow costs them money.

These aren't cheeky fuckers, these are fucking cheeky cunts.

GreenClock · 09/06/2021 20:48

I feel sorry for your DH. He is the only B-Lister from the group of mutual friends and he’s forking out thousands for this dubious privilege. I’m sure he’s a nice man who deserves better. He should decline all invitations and distance himself a bit. Could you help him see this?

Notaroadrunner · 09/06/2021 20:48

He can't be much of a friend if you are not invited to the full wedding. I certainly wouldn't be going at that cost.

Womencanlift · 09/06/2021 20:50

I don’t get the hate for evening invites that is often seen on MN as it’s perfectly normal in my experience......but it’s for distant acquaintances, work colleagues, neighbours etc. Not people you invite on the stag.

Also if it’s in a place that people need to pay significant amounts to stay over then you invite everyone to the day or you go without having some people there rather than expecting people to pay £££ for a couple of hours night out miles from home

BackBeatTheWordisOnTheStreet · 09/06/2021 20:50

YANBU. Wow that's incredibly rude of them. Evening invites are fine for work colleagues or neighbours you aren't close to and who are local to the venue definitely not for someone who lives miles away and is important enough for an invite to the stag! Also quite hurtful to invite all their other mutual friends to the full event.

Shoxfordian · 09/06/2021 20:50

It’s an invite not a command, you can say no if you don’t want to go to it or spend the money

Yabu

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/06/2021 20:51

Honesty I think men do this deliberately. 12 stag holidays but no actual wedding ceremony to bother with.

Ultimately your DH wants to drink and have a laugh and is willing for your family to pay very handsomely for it. The wedding is a red herring.

Stag after the wedding my arse.

MoreAloneTime · 09/06/2021 20:51

As far as you can tell does this friend treat your DH decently or is he more of a frenemy? This is really shitty treatment to be singled out and it's unusual for these things to happen in isolation.

BrilliantBetty · 09/06/2021 20:51

Woah
Can't believe you're planning to turn up? They would fully expect a decline... if they'd wanted you there they would have asked you to attend the day properly. They're just trying to minimise the awkwardness that you're not invited.
Travelling 200 miles and spending all that on an evening do is just unnecessary.

Is he the only stag not invited to the actual wedding.. ?

pussycatlickinglollyices · 09/06/2021 20:52

@Notaroadrunner

He can't be much of a friend if you are not invited to the full wedding. I certainly wouldn't be going at that cost.
^this.

And if you go, just bung a tenner in a card.

Kitkat151 · 09/06/2021 20:52

He doesn’t see your DH as a friend....just a randomer to make up numbers...I certainly wouldn’t let someone take the piss like that... your choice tho

osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/06/2021 20:53

@Exhausted4ever

Of course it takes the piss but your dh is a bit of a melt for agreeing to it all. Personally I'd be declining all events. And when do you actually invite someone to your stag(s) and not the full day. He's clearly just wanted to make up numbers unfortunately
Yep.

As for a stag do abroad a year after the wedding, c'mon.

They're rude AF. Bet your DH will hand them a load of money as a gift, too.

Megan2018 · 09/06/2021 20:53

It’s very rude.
I have declined many an invitation to an evening reception when t’s not local-ish. I’d do 90 mins drive but no more.
I’ve never been asked to go that far though!

SleepingStandingUp · 09/06/2021 20:55

I totally understand evening guests only BUT I treat all level of people the same, so all my school friends got all day, all my work friends got evening only. I think leaving one friend out is odd. Have you seen the invite? Any chance he just doesn't want to go?

LilacSloth · 09/06/2021 20:56

I don't really see the problem. You've been invited to an evening reception and think that's arrogant and rude - so decline! You've no idea why they haven't invited you to the full day. Also, if you're not happy with your husband attending the 2 stags you need to discuss it with him. Out of interest, did you invite them both to your wedding for the whole day?

InnaBun · 09/06/2021 20:58

If the stag is postponed until after the wedding can he pull out of it now? That seems silly, or will the bride forgive any antics by the groom as they were postponed?

Seems silly to invite people to a stag do that you can't even be bothered to have see you get married.

Zealois · 09/06/2021 21:01

That's strange. I wouldn't be going or giving them a present. Inviting someone to the stag(s) and not the full day wedding is mean!

IMNOTSHOUTING · 09/06/2021 21:05

@SleepingStandingUp

I totally understand evening guests only BUT I treat all level of people the same, so all my school friends got all day, all my work friends got evening only. I think leaving one friend out is odd. Have you seen the invite? Any chance he just doesn't want to go?
Exactly. This is just being kind. How cruel to have different levels of friendship within the same group. What you did is fine. Evening only is normal for work colleagues unless you're good friends out of work.
Ambo21 · 09/06/2021 21:09

Just say no.. and no...and no...
Absolutely ridiculous set up.... people are struggling to pay bills, keep roof over their kids heads..
Totally selfish and self indulgent pair

Original poster
MadameQuaver · 09/06/2021 21:12

Just to clarify, I don't have a problem with evening invites per se, but I think it's a bit rude to invite someone to the evening only if it's a long distance away. It's like getting married abroad and expecting guests to fly to Greece or Italy just for two hours in the pub after the ceremony.

I'd decline if it was up to me but DH wants to go and isn't really bothered about not getting invited to the full thing.

The abroad stag do was originally meant to have been taking place last month but of course had to be cancelled due to covid so all the blokes attending thought it may as well be moved to next year instead to minimise risk of cancellation again. It's a weeks holiday abroad.

OP posts: