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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another evening wedding reception one! AIBU?

96 replies

MadameQuaver · 09/06/2021 20:37

I vaguely mentioned this on another thread but thought I'd start my own thread.

DH's friend is getting married in a few months. It's at a very posh, expensive venue in the middle of nowhere, which is about 200 miles from where we (and DH's friend) live.

We have been invited to the evening reception only. DH's other mutual friends are all going all day. The only place to stay overnight is in the hotel at the venue, which is £400 per night. DH wants to attend the reception so we're going to go, and luckily can afford to, but I think it's a bit arrogant and rude to invite someone to the evening reception only when it's so far away. AIBU to think this?

Also, DH is going on both the stag holidays the groom is having. One is in this country next month and the other has been postponed until next year due to Covid but is abroad. Total spend on the holidays alone is 1k and will probably be over 2k with costs there. Plus as it's such a posh wedding we can't turn up empty handed to the reception and will have to give a cash gift.

AIBU to think it all takes the piss?

OP posts:
Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 09/06/2021 21:14

It’s very rude and a clear sign that they can’t actually afford the wedding.

Fur coat and no knickers and all that…

Original poster
MadameQuaver · 09/06/2021 21:16

I think you're right, Allmyarse.

I bet we will have to pay for drinks at the evening do and I wouldn't be overly surprised if there's no food either. The last few times we've been to an Evening Only reception there's not even been a tiny buffet.

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/06/2021 21:17

The stag part pisses me off more- to make up the numbers when you’re paying, when they’re paying your an evening guest

ittakes2 · 09/06/2021 21:18

Is there a limit on the numbers for the actual ceremony? Maybe there are smaller numbers allowed for this than the reception area.
Do you really care if you miss the ceremony? Does your hubby care? Some might think the reception is worth going to anyway as if it was a normal party you would still go to hang out with friends.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 09/06/2021 21:19

Tell dh to collect up all the hotel freebies and shove them in a posh gift bag!
Job done!!

Original poster
MadameQuaver · 09/06/2021 21:20

Hmmm, not sure on actual numbers allowed in the venue. It's a pretty big, flashy venue so I'm assuming numbers aren't limited to a tiny amount.

Yes, it's a party but 200 miles to attend a party?!

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 09/06/2021 21:20

Why is it rude to invite people? They can say no if it’s too far or too expensive

Original poster
MadameQuaver · 09/06/2021 21:20

Haha 30degrees I think I'll keep the posh toiletries for myself!

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 09/06/2021 21:22

No way would I go.
We got married in a location where all but 1 guest had at least an hours drove. We invited all the guests to the whole day and evening.
I thought it was unfair to ask people to travel and fork out for accommodation just for a party

Newchances · 09/06/2021 21:23

I would be annoyed if this was me. I wouldn't go to the wedding,100% not. The holiday after won't really.be a stag so would maybe consider that

underneaththeash · 09/06/2021 21:25

I'd just say no - I'm sorry it's a bit far to go just for the evening reception.

sbhydrogen · 09/06/2021 21:26

Can't you stay somewhere else? Unless you don't have a car. But even then you could take a taxi.

Original poster
MadameQuaver · 09/06/2021 21:43

We could stay elsewhere and will be taking the car to the venue but the nearest town with hotels is about half an hour away. DH won't entertain the idea of not drinking so I'd have to not drink any alcohol and would have to drive, and tbh I'd like to enjoy a couple of glasses of wine.

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 09/06/2021 21:45

Could you not get a taxi back to another hotel?

whataboutthecat · 09/06/2021 21:45

@3Britnee

Or, I would but I'd think of a present that somehow costs them money.

These aren't cheeky fuckers, these are fucking cheeky cunts.

Love this. Now I'm wondering what though??
tillytoodles1 · 09/06/2021 21:47

My daughter got married 3 yes ago and had an all day wedding for70 guests and no night do. I think its insulting to only be invited for the evening, it's as if they don't care if you come 9r not.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 09/06/2021 21:47

Yea it takes the piss. 'Come and spend ££££ celebrating my wedding that you're not invited to, with everyone else who is! I'd probably leave him to it and ask him to share a room with a single guy to cut the cost of the evening do

osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/06/2021 21:47

@MadameQuaver

We could stay elsewhere and will be taking the car to the venue but the nearest town with hotels is about half an hour away. DH won't entertain the idea of not drinking so I'd have to not drink any alcohol and would have to drive, and tbh I'd like to enjoy a couple of glasses of wine.
Dh would be going alone and the fuck I'd hand them any cash. But then, my dh would have declined all this because they're not friends. It's selfish AF to spend so much money on bloody lads holidays.
Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 09/06/2021 21:48

Buy them a 'plant a tree' gift. Or a donkey - then they'll get the annual emails to renew their sponsorship and will feel guilty if they decline.

Like fuck would I hand over £100 or some expensive crystal after being rinsed for so much money.

Your DH is being a pushover...but men are sometimes when it comes to keeping up 'face' with other men.

LawnFever · 09/06/2021 21:50

@Ginger1982

Could you not get a taxi back to another hotel?
Yeah, stay somewhere cheaper, then get taxis, it’ll still be cheaper than the expensive hotel.

I can’t get worked up about only getting an evening invite, the other option is just don’t go, it’s only an invite.

PracticingPerson · 09/06/2021 21:52

OK to just be invited to the evening do - but not to be expected to go an aexpensive stag and only invited to the evening do. I'd be offended personally.

Leeds2 · 09/06/2021 21:52

I would be more annoyed at DH for agreeing to attend the two stags when he isn't invited to the whole wedding. Does he not realise that he has been invited to make up numbers, and potentially reduce the cost for the other guests if the price of the stag is divided by the number of attendees. My personal view is that he is making himself look like a bit of a muppet.

ProbablyProbing · 09/06/2021 21:53

@Shoxfordian

It’s an invite not a command, you can say no if you don’t want to go to it or spend the money

Yabu

This this this this this. Also, I refuse to believe for a single second that there is NOWHERE closer than 200 miles for the less that £400 per night. No one is forcing you to go, no one is forcing DH to go on either stag do. If you don't want to or can't afford it then don't go - would you rather they hadn't invited you?!
Original poster
MadameQuaver · 09/06/2021 21:55

Yes I probably would rather not be invited as then DH wouldn't want to go and I wouldn't feel obliged to go with him.

I suppose I am overall quite annoyed at DH about the whole thing. I'm not a fan of extended, lavish stag holidays anyway

OP posts:
Original poster
MadameQuaver · 09/06/2021 21:56

The hotel has been booked and paid for now, anyway. It does look like a lovely hotel and I'm sure I'll enjoy staying there. We can easily afford it. It's just the principle of the whole thing....

OP posts: