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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would this comment annoy you?

129 replies

NotAnotherMistake · 09/06/2021 17:14

Fully prepared for the truth. Not to drip feed. I work in a school. Get on well with a woman, share same lunches and talk about our kids, known each other 3 years.
Class year 4 there’s a child who is 5’ 2”, woman on them is same height, I hadn’t seen child for a while and I said to her “oh (child) is as tall as you, isn’t that a little embarrassing “

I immediately regretted, we do banter sometimes but not much... she replied “no, I’m just small”

I went to her after work and said I was really sorry for what I said that I didn’t mean to take the piss, I don’t know why I said it, i wasn’t thinking

Her reply was “you were rude, you an adult , I expect that sort of comment form a 10 year old. I said I was really sorry again, she repeated what she said.
I fell so stupid, I’m just a happy person and I like people to smile and i do just get carried away FWIW I’m not 10 I am almost 50!!!

Would this piss you off?

OP posts:

OrangeRug · 09/06/2021 18:47

I'm 4'11 and wouldn't be all that bothered. I agree it was a bit tactless and rude but you did apologise.

gottakeeponmovin · 09/06/2021 18:47

I think it's the isn't that embarrassing but that was incredibly rude. You've apologised - not much more you can do now. She either accepts it or she doesn't

Regularsizedrudy · 09/06/2021 18:49

@Mrschristmasqueen

Saying 'he's the same height as you' isn't rude. To say it's embarrassing is rude, in my opinion, as its not like she can help it and shouldn't have to feel embarrassed about her height. It was a childish comment.

This. If the person can’t change it in 10 seconds then you don’t mention it. It was rude. But you’ve apologised, that’s all you can do.

VettiyaIruken · 09/06/2021 18:50

It was a really weird thing to say.
What was going through your mind for you to say it's embarrassing? There must have been a thought process behind it. Short = embarrassing?
Same height as a kid = embarrassing?

Yes, it was rude. She certainly thought so. You've apologised. That's all you can do (that and resolve to not make comments like that again.)

She either accepts your apology or she doesn't. That's her choice.

ddl1 · 09/06/2021 18:50

I wouldn't mind comments on my height as such, but I think that adding 'isn't it a little embarrassing' was impolite. We all make tactless remarks sometimes; and it''s not the crime of the century; but it was a bit tactless.

crackerjackbaby · 09/06/2021 18:53

@suspiria777

Yeah, it was rude of you. Your comment also doesn't make sense: why would she be embarrassed about being slightly belpw average height? (average is 5'3-5'4) Or were you making fun of the child, saying the child should feel embarrassed? Either way it's weird. Trying to induce feelings of embarrassment in others isn't a "fun" or "happy" person thing to do, it's a snide thing to do. You may need to adjust your self perception, or your behaviour, if you think you're "just a happy person" who wants "to make people smile" (retch).

You sound like a mean person yourself to be honest, susperia.

Imnothereforthedrama · 09/06/2021 18:54

It’s obviously a sore subject, I actually think it’s funny but she didn’t . Anyway you apologised what is she going to do never speak to you again?
It’s up to her you apologised if she wants to be pissed off with you forever over a silly comment that’s her energy I couldn’t be arsed with it .
You apologised move on .

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 09/06/2021 18:56

So rude. What were you thinking Op?!

MrsBongiovi · 09/06/2021 18:58

I don’t think that’s rude at all, especially from someone I get on with.

Nietzschethehiker · 09/06/2021 19:02

I think it was rude but you did seek her out to apologise and that says all sorts if decent things about anyone I have huge respect for owning up to things.

That said...did you make the comment about wanting people to smile in a "that's the kind of person I am"? That would have massively pissed me off because it undermines the apology. Its like people saying "I just want to help people" when they massively overstepped. Is it possible that's why she is still annoyed?

Otherwise I think you made a mistake and apologised , if you didn't say the above to her then really you've done all you can. We all say things that we regret the world doesn't end.

chaosrabbitland · 09/06/2021 19:04

you were tactless , but immediatly relised and said sorry , what would have pissed me off is her still getting all funny even after id said sorry , i really cant stand people like this ,

Wonmoretime · 09/06/2021 19:09

I am about 5ft 2 and it wouldn’t bother me especially, it’s not abnormally short. On the other hand my mother was 4ft 8 and she was very sensitive to comments about her height. Perhaps it’s not what you said but you overstepped a boundary in your relationship.

saraclara · 09/06/2021 19:11

@chaosrabbitland

you were tactless , but immediatly relised and said sorry , what would have pissed me off is her still getting all funny even after id said sorry , i really cant stand people like this ,

Saying sorry doesn't deprive the recipient of the right to reply. She is as entitled to say her piece (more so actually) as the apologiser.

Apologising and expecting the other person to say nothing other than 'okay' or 'thanks' is actually really controlling and selfish. You get to say how you feel while removing their right to do the same.

LinenShirt · 09/06/2021 19:11

That’s rude. Why on Earth would she be embarrassed about her height??!!!

chaosrabbitland · 09/06/2021 19:17

yes and then these are the type of bloody people who hold grudges and still carry on all funny with the other person because they refuse to forgive the apology . , she said her piece once obviously ,but then insisted on continuing to make op feel shit by carrying it on once more , personally i never have and never will have the time for these types of ppl . unless someone seems really insincere and i know its not a true sorry then i accept it and move on , shes accusing the op if acting like a 10 yr old whilst then preceding to act like one herself

LondonJax · 09/06/2021 19:22

As many have said the 'oh x is as tall as you' wouldn't bother me (a 5'2" of loveliness thank you) but the 'isn't that embarrassing' comment would make me think you were a bit of a twit actually. As if I could do anything about my height anymore than you could do something about yours. Actually I'd have probably said exactly that 'no, why? Are you embarrassed to be 5'6"' or whatever you are.

As for @chaosrabbitland's assertion that once someone apologises the other person should suck it up and stop being 'funny'...I'm afraid the person putting their foot in it doesn't decide when the other person HAS to accept the apology or when they stop feeling 'funny' about the episode.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 09/06/2021 19:25

Oh dear.

You were rude.

And now you are objecting to her telling you so.

Tough.

You were thoughtless, tactless, rude and, on being told you were rude seem to think the object of your lack of care should somehow absolve you if your misstep.

Again, tough.

Now leave her alone, don't try to apologise again, you know how she feels, your apology was not enough to make up for the embarrassment and annoyance caused.

Yet again, tough.

Deal with it, your were rude, no matter how you see yourself!

Miseryl · 09/06/2021 19:26

I think you wanted to belittle her for some reason. Possibly jealousy, for whatever reason? That isn't the sort of thing that just slips out of your mouth without there being an underlying reason.

Mangofandangoo · 09/06/2021 19:27

You apologised and to be honest I think maybe you did cross the line but you've tried to fix the problem. In my experience height can be a touchy subject

Whatalottachocca · 09/06/2021 19:30

It’s done now. You apologised, she said how it made her feel. I’d put it to the back of your mind now and have a nice evening.

PineappleCakes · 09/06/2021 19:31

I'm 5ft2", I wouldn't mind if an acquaintance commented that I was the same height as some children. I would find " isn’t that a little embarrassing " incredibly rude though.

There's no reason why I should be embarrassed of my height, why would you shame someone about their height? You made a mistake, you apologised and now you just have to move on knowing she probably thinks a little less of you.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 09/06/2021 19:31

@chaosrabbitland

you were tactless , but immediatly relised and said sorry , what would have pissed me off is her still getting all funny even after id said sorry , i really cant stand people like this ,

And I really can't stand people who think they can say a standard 3-word sentence of remorse and have their shite behaviour forgotten.

An apology is not a command for forgiveness. Only toddlers say 'but I said I was sorry'.

Hesma · 09/06/2021 19:33

It was very rude!

FWIW you need to grow up and start acting like a 40 something year old and not a 10 year old who gets “carried away” 🙄

Imapotato · 09/06/2021 19:33

My best friend is 4ft11 and I offer her a booster seat every time she gets in my car, never gets old well it does, but it’s kind of tradition now .

Some people take them selves very seriously though and it’s the only thing to be offended these days. Don’t worry too much about it.

Original poster

NotAnotherMistake · 09/06/2021 19:34

My apology was absolutely sincere and meant.
The woman has every right to reply, of course she does.
The “embarrassed” part came from my POV of looking up to the taller kids in the years above our year and definitely not her being 3” smaller than myself.
It was such a stupid thing to say.

OP posts:

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