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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would this comment annoy you?

129 replies

NotAnotherMistake · 09/06/2021 17:14

Fully prepared for the truth. Not to drip feed. I work in a school. Get on well with a woman, share same lunches and talk about our kids, known each other 3 years.
Class year 4 there’s a child who is 5’ 2”, woman on them is same height, I hadn’t seen child for a while and I said to her “oh (child) is as tall as you, isn’t that a little embarrassing “

I immediately regretted, we do banter sometimes but not much... she replied “no, I’m just small”

I went to her after work and said I was really sorry for what I said that I didn’t mean to take the piss, I don’t know why I said it, i wasn’t thinking

Her reply was “you were rude, you an adult , I expect that sort of comment form a 10 year old. I said I was really sorry again, she repeated what she said.
I fell so stupid, I’m just a happy person and I like people to smile and i do just get carried away FWIW I’m not 10 I am almost 50!!!

Would this piss you off?

OP posts:

Charlieiscool · 09/06/2021 17:52

Do you go up to people and tell them they have a big nose or something?

fashionablefennel · 09/06/2021 17:52

@Bluedeblue

OMG, I'm sure some people have had a sense of humour bypass.

It was a JOKE

I am 5 ft 1, and I would have laughed with you and said "Yeah, I know [laugh]".

who care if YOU find it funny, the joke wasn't funny, and the comment about "embarrassing" wasn't addressed to you.

You can laugh about anything, but not with everyone and you have to understand that some personal comments about others are inappropriate. Even if you find them hilarious.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 09/06/2021 17:53

Yes that would piss me off, but I'm very tall and used to people commenting, and taking the piss out of my height (usually small men that do it) so I've learned to shrug it off.

mbosnz · 09/06/2021 17:53

I guess I don't feel compelled to laugh at 'jokes' that are so boringly unfunny. Particularly in a professional context. I guess senses of humour can differ!

usernamerequiredenter · 09/06/2021 17:54

@PotteringAlong

I think it was the bit where you called it embarrassing that was rude: why should she be embarrassed about her height?

Yes this

Shmithecat2 · 09/06/2021 17:58

Why should someone be embarrassed about their height? . I'm 6'3, and get ridiculous comments from people all the time and it's so bloody tedious. Never funny, just tedious.

stayathomer · 09/06/2021 18:02

Oh god yes OP that wasn't great but am never a big fan of somebody apologising to someone and the person absolutely hammering their point home.

fashionablefennel · 09/06/2021 18:06

@stayathomer

Oh god yes OP that wasn't great but am never a big fan of somebody apologising to someone and the person absolutely hammering their point home.

too bad.

If someone is making offensive comments or simply hurting someone, they cannot complain that the other person explains how offensive it was.

Dobbyisahouseelf · 09/06/2021 18:06

I think the last part of your comment that your colleague should be embarrassed by her height was rude. Good for the lady calling you out on this, most wouldn't have been brave enough. Having said that if you apologised then there is not much more you can do.

FunMcCool · 09/06/2021 18:11

You were rude but you said sorry so I think she could have accepted your apology.

101jobs · 09/06/2021 18:14

I wouldn’t be offended by that comment OP.

Hankunamatata · 09/06/2021 18:15

Your comment comes across as bitchy. It's a bit mean girls style. Guessing the woman's just really cross. Give her space and time to cool down.

goose1964 · 09/06/2021 18:17

DD is 5'2" and she likes being short , she wouldn't have been upset. My son is 6'5" plus a bit and he calls me short I'm 5 '7" .

imisscashmere · 09/06/2021 18:22

I don’t think this was rude, just plain nasty.

HalfTermHalfTerm · 09/06/2021 18:23

I wouldn’t consider that to be rude (careless and poorly judged maybe, but not rude) but if the person found it rude then you can’t really argue about that.

I think she hugely overreacted though, especially when you actively sought her out to apologise to her. I work in a school and lots of our students are taller than me. If someone had make that joke to me I might have raised an eyebrow but that’s it.

I do frequently comment on how embarrassing it is to have to look up at most some of Year 9+ and the occasional Year 8 and Year 7

DrWankincense · 09/06/2021 18:26

Yes it was a crap comment, you realised and apologised.
She might be a bit cool for a bit but I'm sure it will blow over.
As for the comment about not moving on, I'm not sure what else you would do? Harbour a grudge for all time? . Good to stick up for yourself but I'm not one for holding grudges.

Chattychattylanglang · 09/06/2021 18:26

Yes, if she’s self conscious about her height it might have really hurt her.

CutieBear · 09/06/2021 18:26

You are very rude. Why do you think being petite “embarrassing”?

SuperMonkeys · 09/06/2021 18:27

Yeah, that was shit. The embarrassing comment was way over the line.

I think she's perfectly fair to make the point that she doesn't expect that kind of comment from an adult and fellow staff member.

You have apologised, she doesn't have to forget straight away but I'm sure she'll move on.

MadMadMadamMim · 09/06/2021 18:30

You were extremely rude and I think she was very dignified in her comment to you. She made her feelings clear without being rude and without having to pretend that it was ok. It wasn't.

I think you should just move on now, however.

MyMabel · 09/06/2021 18:31

I understand you; but I understand her more.

To suggest someone should
Be embarrassed of
Something that can’t be helped is downright rude. I’m 5ft and I find some comments about my size annoying and petty, while others I can joke along with. But if anyone suggested that I should be embarrassed by my size, in general or because someone younger is taller than I am; I would be really hurt and annoyed.

Had your comment been more “oh isn’t it funny that child is taller than you, does he get than from his dads side” or similar then it would be forgivable. Which is why I can understand that what you said you didn’t think about until it was already past the lips. It’s specifically the suggestion of being embarrassed by it that is rude, immature and pretty petty.

So your neither BU or NBU, but someone called you out and now you know to think a little more before you speak

Pinkylemons · 09/06/2021 18:32

I don’t think you were rude. I’m quite short, I’ve got much more important things to be offended or upset about than if someone was having a laugh with me. You apologised when you realised she’d not taken it in the spirit you’d intended. There’s nothing more you can do. I wouldn’t give it another thought.

ShinyGreenElephant · 09/06/2021 18:34

Missing the point, but is average height for a woman in the UK really 5"3 as a PP said? I'm 5"5 and have always thought that was average! The vast majority of friends/ women I know are around my height or slightly taller.

DinaofCloud9 · 09/06/2021 18:43

I'm short and I wouldn't have been offended as I actually like being short.

I don't really get why you thought she should be embarrassed though.

TheGoogleMum · 09/06/2021 18:43

Yep I'd hate that.

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