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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would this comment annoy you?

129 replies

NotAnotherMistake · 09/06/2021 17:14

Fully prepared for the truth. Not to drip feed. I work in a school. Get on well with a woman, share same lunches and talk about our kids, known each other 3 years.
Class year 4 there’s a child who is 5’ 2”, woman on them is same height, I hadn’t seen child for a while and I said to her “oh (child) is as tall as you, isn’t that a little embarrassing “

I immediately regretted, we do banter sometimes but not much... she replied “no, I’m just small”

I went to her after work and said I was really sorry for what I said that I didn’t mean to take the piss, I don’t know why I said it, i wasn’t thinking

Her reply was “you were rude, you an adult , I expect that sort of comment form a 10 year old. I said I was really sorry again, she repeated what she said.
I fell so stupid, I’m just a happy person and I like people to smile and i do just get carried away FWIW I’m not 10 I am almost 50!!!

Would this piss you off?

OP posts:

CustardCreamm · 09/06/2021 17:28

Yeah, that would annoy me. Short people (including myself!) get comments like this all the time so it does get annoying after a while.

purpleme12 · 09/06/2021 17:29

Yes. Honestly I would be really annoyed with that comment. It's the embarrassing bit!!
It's like when people comment on voices in a horrible way... You can't help things like this it's how you were born!

FrumpyBetty · 09/06/2021 17:30

I don't think the comment about height is always rude. Between two friends it can be funny - I am very tall and have the piss taken out of me.

But the 'isn't that a little embarrassing' way over stepped the mark. You implied she should be embarrassed!

Personally I wouldn't be hurt or embarrassed if you had said that about being tall but I can totally see why the next person might be really offended.

Shoppingwithmother · 09/06/2021 17:31

I think the “child is as tall as you” part could be taken as a joke, but the “isn’t that a little embarrassing” is just a rude and horrible thing to say.

Wrotten · 09/06/2021 17:32

I don't understand why someone (even a child) being taller than her should embarrass her anyway? She has zero control over it.

Odd and tactless comment to make.

I'm short. People mention it all the time. I don't get offended, but someone telling me my height is an embarrassment would piss me off.

amusedbush · 09/06/2021 17:33

The comment about the child being taller wasn't rude but "isn't that embarrassing?" is.

However, you've apologised and she has chosen not to accept it for now. Just leave it. She'll probably cool off.

fashionablefennel · 09/06/2021 17:33

you actually said isn’t that a little embarrassing?

How old are you? It's a ridiculous and rude comment. Even more childish to expect someone not to be annoyed because you apologised.

mbosnz · 09/06/2021 17:35

Well, to be annoyed that they're still annoyed, because you've apologised. . .

AmazingBouncingFerret · 09/06/2021 17:37

I’m short, I wouldn’t have minded the observation of the same height but the “isn’t that a little embarrassing” would have offended me. You’re basically telling her she should be ashamed of her height.

AbsentmindedWoman · 09/06/2021 17:39

Class year 4 there’s a child who is 5’ 2”, woman on them is same height, I hadn’t seen child for a while and I said to her “oh (child) is as tall as you, isn’t that a little embarrassing “

I fell so stupid, I’m just a happy person and I like people to smile and i do just get carried away FWIW I’m not 10 I am almost 50!!!

So you thought it was funny?

It just seems like you take for granted that being 5'2 is some kind of flaw, hence you automatically ribbed her about it without thinking.

Why comment on any aspect of someone's body in this way? Of course it's going to be awkward

User52739 · 09/06/2021 17:39

It was a rude comment but you took responsibility and apologised so while I would be hurt I would be willing to put it behind me. Give it a couple of days and hopefully she’ll be able to do the same.

NewlyGranny · 09/06/2021 17:40

You were tactless but you sought her out and apologised sincerely. She may be one of those awkward people who never got the hang of accepting an apology. Why did she feel the need to state your offence all over again after you apologised? That was ungracious.

Honours even now, I reckon. I wonder if she knows how to apologise? Have you witnessed it?

funinthesun19 · 09/06/2021 17:40

It’s the “embarrassing” comment that makes it rude.
My son is 10 and really tall, almost as tall as me at 5 foot 5. By the time he leaves primary school next summer I’m sure he will taller than me.

I always joke about it how he’s nearly as tall as me. He’s as tall as my best friend even now and we laugh about that too. But if someone asked me if I’m embarrassed or if she is embarrassed I would think it’s a really strange question.

Echobelly · 09/06/2021 17:40

It would annoy me as it comes over as assuming I'm embarrassed by my height (I'm 5ft 1). I have no problem with my height and honestly totally forget about it unless I'm in a big crowd of people, but I'd be slightly annoyed by an assumption that I might in any way be ashamed of it, which it sounds like is how colleague felt. But I also expect she'll not think too much of it - I wouldn't.

Chikapu · 09/06/2021 17:42

I’m just a happy person and I like people to smile

By making rude comments at their expense? Are you one of those people that thinks they're hilarious and can say whatever they want under the guise of humour?
You were rude and it's up to her whether she accepts your apology or not. Why should she be embarrassed about her height?

Original poster

NotAnotherMistake · 09/06/2021 17:42

Thanks .
I wanted to say the child has grown, but ... ffs I can’t believe i said the embarrassed part . Absolutely correct it was tactless, thoughtless and absolutely wrong.

OP posts:

Confusedandshaken · 09/06/2021 17:43

I'm 5ft 1in. My children have been taller than me since they were in double figures. It's never cost me a second thought much less thought it was embarrassing. I would however be very embarrassed if someone had said something as crass as that to me.

OTOH, I admire you for being brave enough to apologise not just once but twice. I've said some stupid and tactless things in my time but haven't been brave enough to revisit them and say sorry.

I also have a sneaking admiration for the other mum for sticking to her guns when you apologised. It would have been easier and more socially acceptable for her to brush it off and accept your apology but she stood her ground. I wouldn't be brave enough to do that either.

The two of you sound quite similar - perhaps in years to come you will look back in this and laugh about it. Until then you will have to let it lie. You have apologised graciously and sincerely and there is nothing more you can do.

Popetthetreehugger · 09/06/2021 17:43

It was assuming she would should be embarrassed that would have made me think WTF

ContinuousMonotoneBeep · 09/06/2021 17:45

Doubt it's anything to do with her taking a "joke" wrong or it being a sensitive spot, when you're short comments on your height a ten a penny.

Are you one of these weird feckers who think height is a personal achievement and being short is a failure?

Who do you think needs to be embarrassed? The "child" or the "woman on them"?

saraclara · 09/06/2021 17:45

I'm 5' 0". O get gently treated about my height, but only by people I'm close to and who know they can tease me and I'll laugh.

But if someone said anything about my height being embarrassing, I'd be really shocked. And yes, think them incredibly childish and immature.

Yes I'd be pissed off..And I'd love to be honest about it, as she was. But I'd probably lie and tell you it was okay, when it wasn't.

user1469530553 · 09/06/2021 17:45

You aren't just a happy person who likes people to smile and got carried away. You are tactless and inconsiderate and prone to making careless observations about others (children and adults) which they have zero control over. You shamed her and told her she (or the child, it's not clear) should be embarrassed that they are the same height. Maybe try to be a little more empathetic in future, and if you can't stop opening your mouth before engaging your kindness, keep it shut.

saraclara · 09/06/2021 17:45

Treated = teased

SummaLuvin · 09/06/2021 17:47

I disagree with the comments saying she was horrible - she wasn't she was honest that the comment was rude and immature - and that she is somehow obligated to accept your apology, I hate that. She may choose to, or not, that's her choice. The comment you made was not funny, it was to humiliate her and make her the butt of the joke, was it the worst thing in the world - no, but that doesn't mean she 'has' to forgive and forget if she isn't ready. However, she should remain professional in a work context of course.

fashionablefennel · 09/06/2021 17:49

@NewlyGranny

Honours even now, I reckon. I wonder if she knows how to apologise? Have you witnessed it?

(speaking in general) Why do you think "apologising" is enough and people SHOULD accept an apology and move on?

If someone makes racist/rape/personal jokes, they can just get away with a "oh, sorry"?

About time women especially, stand up for themselves, and are not afraid to put their foot down and be clear when it's not ok, that a "joke" was offensive or rude and that they don't have to "graciously" move on.

Bluedeblue · 09/06/2021 17:49

OMG, I'm sure some people have had a sense of humour bypass.

It was a JOKE

I am 5 ft 1, and I would have laughed with you and said "Yeah, I know [laugh]".

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