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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sharing rooms dsd and dc

114 replies

Blueberrycheesecake1 · 09/06/2021 16:20

Dsd (aged 29) has asked if she can join us on our holiday in a 3 bed house. AIBU in suggesting she share with our (Good sleeping) 3 year old so that baby can have a room to themselves? Baby and toddler wake up at very different times and don't want them to wake each other up. Baby hasn't slept with us for months as DP snoring disturbed him. I am exhausted from a not very good sleeping baby and don't want to make it worse really....

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 10/06/2021 08:50

YANBU she can't announce she is coming, ask for her own room & then expect you all to be quiet so she can WFH? It doesn't sound like much fun tbh.

You booked a 3 bed and need some rest - it's hard work when they're little.

It sounds like she's expecting the room to herself so she can work etc.

User52739 · 10/06/2021 09:39

It’s absolutely fine to put her in with the toddler. It’s a holiday so she will presumably only use her room for sleeping - a sleeping child in there shouldn’t affect that. If she’s not happy with the arrangement she doesn’t need to come. She’s 29, not 12!

jgjgjgjgjg · 10/06/2021 10:29

For those people saying that they chose to put their baby in their own room before the recommended 6 months, and "he/she was fine" - that's like saying "I never wore a seat belt as a child and I'm fine". Sadly the people who were not fine will generally not be posting on Mumsnet. Yes most babies sleeping alone before 6 months will be absolutely fine. As will most people travelling in a car not wearing a seat belt. Unfortunately the consequences for the few that are not fine are too terrible to think about.

ineedaholidaynow · 10/06/2021 10:39

If you are so sleep deprived @Blueberrycheesecake1 I would be taking one bedroom for just you, and let everyone else sort themselves out!

converseandjeans · 10/06/2021 20:10

jgjgjgjgjg

Unfortunately the consequences for the few that are not fine are too terrible to think about.

It would be interesting to find out the stats comparing cot deaths with deaths from co-sleeping. I am of the opinion that a baby co sleeping is more at risk than one in its own bed with just a sleeping bag and no toys etc in cot. I know co sleeping is popular on here but I have read that it's not actually that safe.

user77hjjy · 10/06/2021 20:17

@jgjgjgjgjg

For those people saying that they chose to put their baby in their own room before the recommended 6 months, and "he/she was fine" - that's like saying "I never wore a seat belt as a child and I'm fine". Sadly the people who were not fine will generally not be posting on Mumsnet. Yes most babies sleeping alone before 6 months will be absolutely fine. As will most people travelling in a car not wearing a seat belt. Unfortunately the consequences for the few that are not fine are too terrible to think about.
This
mbosnz · 10/06/2021 20:17

So, you're saying that being in a safe and static cot in a safe and sterile room with a baby monitor is akin to being in a car hurtling down the m4 at 90mph? Rolling around on the back seat, without a seat belt?

Incidentally, I come from a family where two children died of cot death, and they were investigated for murder, so I think we're a little bit aware on the subject. Equally incidentally, they were in the same room as their parents. That didn't help.

TheGoogleMum · 10/06/2021 20:28

I think stick with sleeping arrangements you planned, she's asked to join in for free so she can slot in somewhere. If she doesn't fancy the options available then she doesn't have to go.

Nofruitta · 10/06/2021 20:44

She is rude to invite herself to a free holiday and ask for “her own space” .
Whatever you decide , you decide because you are the adult. If it doesn’t meet expectations she can discuss contributing towards a bigger property.

Howshouldibehave · 10/06/2021 20:51

she "wants her own space"

Like in her own house?

Perhaps she’d better stay there then. Or pay for her own holiday where she can pay for exactly the sort of sleeping arrangements that suit her.

sbhydrogen · 10/06/2021 20:53

I'm assuming this place has a sofa, or she could bring a camping mat and sleep on the living room floor 🤷🏼‍♀️ I'd rather do that than share with a toddler.

Mumdiva99 · 10/06/2021 20:59

Well you got a 3 bed house because that's what you wanted as a family. So she's welcome to come if she either - shares with toddler or sleeps on an airbed in the lounge. She doesn't have to come.....and if she wants her own room - maybe next year you can plan something together and find a 4 bed.

Deadleaf29 · 10/06/2021 21:12

Why does a 29 year old even want to “work from home” with her Dad, step mother and two infants on their holiday?! If she’s not on holiday what’s the point? She’ll probably be expecting them to be quiet too, not interrupt etc. Even if she was on holiday I can’t imagine anything I’d have enjoyed less before I had children than going to a self catering cottage with my parents and a toddler and a baby, with all the crying and naps and interruptions and limitations that brings. Does she not have friends she could holiday with?

I’d personally tell her she can’t come, she’s a nearly 30 year old employed and presumably functional adult and she’s spoiling your holiday. Different if she was 19, or still a child. I bet if you had said she was your biological child not a step child you’d have had different replies.

JillWoodhead · 10/06/2021 22:10

olivesnutsandcheeseplease
This.

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