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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sharing rooms dsd and dc

114 replies

Blueberrycheesecake1 · 09/06/2021 16:20

Dsd (aged 29) has asked if she can join us on our holiday in a 3 bed house. AIBU in suggesting she share with our (Good sleeping) 3 year old so that baby can have a room to themselves? Baby and toddler wake up at very different times and don't want them to wake each other up. Baby hasn't slept with us for months as DP snoring disturbed him. I am exhausted from a not very good sleeping baby and don't want to make it worse really....

OP posts:
blahblahblah321 · 09/06/2021 16:50

I'd say she's welcome to come along but she'd have to share with the toddler due to the reasons you've given, or alternatively could she chip in so you can afford a larger property?

She's a grown woman, she should understand!

BackBeatTheWordisOnTheStreet · 09/06/2021 16:51

@olivesnutsandcheeseplease

Just say she's welcome to come but she will have to share with 3 year old. Take it or leave it basically - it's your holiday, you don't need to bend over backwards for her when she's invited herself
This. It's OP's holiday which she presumably planned out. If I was going to come along for free I'd definitely be expecting to helpout and not want to get in the way. If sharing isn't good enough she can always book her own holiday. (Actually there's no indication in the OP that DSD would even object - she might be looking forward to bonding more with her half siblings).
selflove · 09/06/2021 16:52

I think it's harsh to call her a gatecrasher! It's a FAMILY holiday, she's family. She wants to go away with her dad and siblings too. She shouldn't have to pay to be part of that, IMO. Would be nice for her to chip in with the costs of food etc though.

I just think if you said
"3 bed place - one couple (parents), then an adult who is 30, who doesn't live with the younger children, and a 3yr old and a baby (siblings who live together), what should the sleeping arrangements be?" then only on the stepparents board would you get people agreeing the step child should have to share with a toddler! 😂

Nightbear · 09/06/2021 16:53

She’s 29 and she wasn’t invited. I’m assuming you deliberately picked a 3 bed place so you could use all 3 rooms. Tell her she’s welcome to come but there isn’t a ‘spare’ room - you chose a place with three beds so the DC wouldn’t disturb each other’s sleep. She can share with the 3 year old. It sounds like she thinks you’ll put the DC in together.

Ozanj · 09/06/2021 16:57

It’s a family holiday and she’s family so treat her properly or say no. Of course an adult needs her own room regardless of who’s paying. Get your baby in with you and toddler with dad.

HalfTermHalfTerm · 09/06/2021 16:58

@selflove

I think it's harsh to call her a gatecrasher! It's a FAMILY holiday, she's family. She wants to go away with her dad and siblings too. She shouldn't have to pay to be part of that, IMO. Would be nice for her to chip in with the costs of food etc though.

I just think if you said
"3 bed place - one couple (parents), then an adult who is 30, who doesn't live with the younger children, and a 3yr old and a baby (siblings who live together), what should the sleeping arrangements be?" then only on the stepparents board would you get people agreeing the step child should have to share with a toddler! 😂

She’s 29! 29 and she’s not paying anything!

I am younger than that and I’d love to see the look on my mum’s face if you suggested to her that I shouldn’t have to pay to come on holiday because I’m family Hmm

If you added that it might be nice if I ‘chipped in with the cost of food though’ she’d probably implode Grin

NewlyGranny · 09/06/2021 17:05

No way should you be denying yourself sleep so someone who invited themselves and isn't planning on paying gets their own space!

Has she actually said that or is it DH? If the 3yo sleeps well, what's the issue? Is she usually encroaching?

FunTimes2020 · 09/06/2021 17:05

@selflove

It does sound a bit mean spirited to expect an adult to share with a toddler. Usually toddler&baby would be expected to share, and an adult would be given privacy. Surely sometimes adult women want a wank or something before bed, you can't put them in with a toddler!
Hmm
4PawsGood · 09/06/2021 17:08

You’ve chosen and paid for three bedrooms because you need three bedrooms. Is it something like centerparcs where you can change to a four bed? If not, then of course she’ll have to share. What’s her suggestion?

blahblahblah321 · 09/06/2021 17:09

Strange that she wants to come if she's working

toocold54 · 09/06/2021 17:12

If you'd planned the holiday without the expectation that she'd be joining you and she's just asked to tag along YANBU.

I agree.
I’d give her a choice - with the baby, with the toddler or on the sofa.
Is she wanting you to sleep with the toddler or the toddler and baby share a room?

Howshouldibehave · 09/06/2021 17:13

I think she’s being bloody cheeky expecting to come on a booked holiday and that the sleeping arrangements be changed to utterly suit her but mean your holiday will be disturbed by a lack of sleep!

What does your DH say? If he’s got your back, problem solved.

Lsquiggles · 09/06/2021 17:16

Can't baby sleep in your room and toddler and adult dc have their own rooms?

30degreesandmeltinghere · 09/06/2021 17:17

When we have a family holiday all earning family members split the cost.
Same with fuel and food.
Why wouldn't they?

Sally872 · 09/06/2021 17:23

As she has asked to come yanbu. If I wanted to be diplomatic I might say "next time we will make sure you get your own room, can't this time as already booked unfortunately. But space in toddlers room, and they are a great sleeper" Also emphasise you're delighted she is coming.

Crockof · 09/06/2021 17:30

Ffs, only on MN is an adult an dependant child for eternity.

I actually did this with my parents, I was on a unpaid placement and wanted to go on holiday so much, so I offered to look after the little ones in return. So my vote is in with the baby so you get a holiday

Hankunamatata · 09/06/2021 17:35

Adult dsd is wfh on the holiday. How is that going to work with 2 kids in the house?

Original poster
Blueberrycheesecake1 · 09/06/2021 17:39

Thanks all. Not easy as illustrated by mixed responses. I am exhausted and very anxious about sleep which clouds me perhaps.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blueberrycheesecake1 · 09/06/2021 17:41

I don't really feel like going anymore!!

OP posts:
Castlepeak · 09/06/2021 17:46

I’d make it clear that there are no spare bedrooms. She isn’t a child being excluded. She could book her own place nearby if she wants to join in.

user77hjjy · 09/06/2021 17:47

How old is the baby?

Original poster
Blueberrycheesecake1 · 09/06/2021 17:53

Baby is 5 months sorry should have mentioned. I know safe sleeping rules etc but we took a decision that as all other factors were low risk to move him and he sleeps better. Wonder if this will change views.

OP posts:
Palavah · 09/06/2021 17:58

@olivesnutsandcheeseplease

Just say she's welcome to come but she will have to share with 3 year old. Take it or leave it basically - it's your holiday, you don't need to bend over backwards for her when she's invited herself
This. I happily shared with a nephew at similar ages and still paid my way.
I8toys · 09/06/2021 18:01

Why can't baby sleep with you and then toddler and older daughter have own rooms?

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 09/06/2021 18:07

Is there a sofa bed in the sitting-room? Or can she sleep there on a blow-up bed when everyone else has gone to sleep?

You planned your holiday to work for you and I don't think you should have to put up with being (even more) tired or having a tired toddler just because she's decided to come. Other alternative is for you to bunk in with sleeping toddler and your DH can share with the non-sleeping baby.