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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sharing rooms dsd and dc

114 replies

Blueberrycheesecake1 · 09/06/2021 16:20

Dsd (aged 29) has asked if she can join us on our holiday in a 3 bed house. AIBU in suggesting she share with our (Good sleeping) 3 year old so that baby can have a room to themselves? Baby and toddler wake up at very different times and don't want them to wake each other up. Baby hasn't slept with us for months as DP snoring disturbed him. I am exhausted from a not very good sleeping baby and don't want to make it worse really....

OP posts:
Original poster
Blueberrycheesecake1 · 09/06/2021 18:08

My partner snores and woke the baby a lot when we were together

OP posts:
Howshouldibehave · 09/06/2021 18:08

@30degreesandmeltinghere

When we have a family holiday all earning family members split the cost. Same with fuel and food. Why wouldn't they?
Because presumably the 29 year old doesn’t want to pay?!

@Blueberrycheesecake1 what does your DH say?

somersault · 09/06/2021 18:08

Baby is 5 months and you will likely need to wake anyway to settle them? I would put baby in with you.

BusyLizzie61 · 09/06/2021 18:09

She asked to come along. You agreed. And now you want a 29 yo woman to share with her toddler sister?

Babies wake up. They're meant. It's biological. And you can't manage that, so instead put into their own room against all advice and then wish to maintain that during the holiday? Are you taking a travel cot? Can't she sleep in the hallway in that if you're "so tired" that you cannot possibly have your own baby in your room? Or a fold out bed in the front room for the toddler or sd?
Had she not minded sharing, I'd have thought nothing of it. But she does. And that's not unreasonable.

somersault · 09/06/2021 18:09

@Blueberrycheesecake1

My partner snores and woke the baby a lot when we were together
Ah. Well then yes her and the three year old then!
Original poster
Blueberrycheesecake1 · 09/06/2021 18:09

Yes will see sofa bed option. I wouldn't mind sleeping there but would then be going up and down stairs a lot in night

OP posts:
Original poster
Blueberrycheesecake1 · 09/06/2021 18:11

Thank you all. I know I might be overly anxious but I am just very tired.

OP posts:
Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 09/06/2021 18:11

Well, obviously if you're on the sofa bed someone else will have to deal with the night wakings.

Your DH could have the sofa bed and you could share with the baby, if he's the one waking them.

user77hjjy · 09/06/2021 18:15

@Blueberrycheesecake1

Baby is 5 months sorry should have mentioned. I know safe sleeping rules etc but we took a decision that as all other factors were low risk to move him and he sleeps better. Wonder if this will change views.
DH with toddler. You with baby. Not worth the risk.
Original poster
Blueberrycheesecake1 · 09/06/2021 18:16

Dh says up to me. Need to get a proper view from him! Thank you for all the supportive understanding and reasoned responses, whether they are agreeing or not, the tone makes a big difference 😀

OP posts:
mbosnz · 09/06/2021 18:17

Um, I went against recommendations to room in, as well. It worked perfectly well for us, with a well rested mother, father and baby. (With a baby monitor). I don't see anything wrong with a 29 year old who isn't contributing anything to be rooming in with the toddler. If she wants a wank, she can either time it when the kids out of the room, or take to the bathroom. Or restrain herself.

HeckyPeck · 09/06/2021 18:19

I would explain that it's already booked for the amount of rooms you need and if she would like to come she can share with the toddler.

It won't be much of a holiday for you if you/baby/toddler don't get any sleep!

If there is an option to upgrade to a 4 bed I'd suggest that if she pays the extra.

She's not much younger than me and I certainly wouldn't expect to gate crash my mum and step dad's holiday, not pay for myself and make it so that they don't get to sleep well!

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/06/2021 18:25

What has he said is up to you? Bit gutless of him not to take a view making you your bad guy.

RattlesnakesUnfold · 09/06/2021 18:51

Just tell her why you booked a 3-bed and why the kids need their own rooms. She’s 29 and wasn’t invited or expected in the planning stage, so she doesn’t get to dictate who sleeps where. Tell her it’s share with the toddler or she needs to contribute to the cost of a 4 bed.

I imagine OP is looking forward to this holiday with her DH and would rather not sleep with the toddler!

Nogoodusername · 09/06/2021 18:51

“Absolutely, of course you can come. There isn’t a spare room unfortunately as toddler and baby need to have separate rooms to sleep, would you prefer to share with toddler or sofa bed?”

toocold54 · 09/06/2021 20:18

If the baby is so young is there space to put the cot on the landing outside your bedroom door? So then you’re closer to them but they’re not disturbed by DH and there’s no room arguments.

MargosKaftan · 09/06/2021 20:52

None issue - she's an adult. She wants to join your holiday, she has to decide if she wants to sleep in with toddler or book her own b&b near by and visit you in the day. There is no spare room.

Job done.

I'm not one of the MNers who think as soon as you turn 18, you should be out on your own, but at pushing 30, "family holidays" with your parents are no longer a thing.

If she would like to join your holiday its nice of you to welcome her but she needs to either accept the spare bed in the toddler room or sort her own accommodation.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 09/06/2021 21:00

If I hadn't been earning much as a 29 year old and my parents were well off they'd probably have been happy for me to tag along on holiday with them without paying. We're family and enjoy each other's company. I can't imagine in that situation though I'd want to disrupt the sleeping arrangements. If I was getting a free holiday, especially one I invited myself on after arrangements had been made, I'd be happy to slot it wherever was convenient.

Spied · 09/06/2021 21:08

Bedroom 1- toddler & I.
Bedroom 2- 5mo.
Bedroom 3- dsd
Sofa downstairs- snoring DH

Original poster
Blueberrycheesecake1 · 09/06/2021 21:14

Lol Spied!!!

OP posts:
Howshouldibehave · 09/06/2021 21:15

@Spied

Bedroom 1- toddler & I. Bedroom 2- 5mo. Bedroom 3- dsd Sofa downstairs- snoring DH
If I was lucky enough to be having a holiday this year that I had booked, paid for and was looking forward to…to have those suggested sleeping arrangements because a 29 year old who wasn’t contributing any money at all to the holiday and wasn’t actually invited, decided they were coming and wanted to change the sleeping arrangements to suit them, I’d be bloody livid.
Minezatea · 09/06/2021 21:15

I don't think you, DH or your children should change your plans. If she wanted a room to herself on holiday she should have planned for that. She is tagging along at the last minute and why not? But she can accept sharing with the 3 year old, sleeping on the sofa bed or she can book herself into a local hotel. No reason to make the holiday less enjoyable for the holiday to be less enjoyable for you and there is a reason you booked a 3 bedroom place.

Original poster
Blueberrycheesecake1 · 09/06/2021 21:18

Thanks everyone so much. I know it's a minor problem really! But sometimes sleep (Or lack of) really does take over your life...

OP posts:
museumum · 09/06/2021 21:24

OP I know exactly how you feel. Our lo was in with us till 6mo but at around the 9mo mark he would not sleep at all in our room and trips away were torture. We once ended up putting his travel cot in the en suite and holding our bladders all night we were so desperate to sleep.

Footloosefancyfree · 09/06/2021 21:29

Tbh she's an adult I'm surprised she wants to holiday with you and your dc. She's at the age to have her own dc. If she's not paying then she doesn't get a say but I'm surprised you've let her join it changes the dynamics.

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