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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask when the physical closeness with your children ended?

119 replies

AnAwesomePossum · 07/06/2021 19:25

DS will be 4 next month. He’s still pretty cuddly and gets into my bed most mornings for ‘bed snuggles’ and tonight wanted some big cuddles and kisses before he’d settle in bed.

On the one hand, I struggled a bit with the the lack of physical space (we co-slept and breastfeed until 2), and I was so grateful for my space again. On the other hand, those lovely little skinny arms wrapped around me are the loveliest thing.

So I’m both excited for independence but also really sad thinking about him not just running up for a cuddle and a soggy kiss. What age did it stop with you DC and did it feel fine, or was it a sad event when you realised it was over?

OP posts:
littlepattilou · 07/06/2021 21:28

I agree with pp that this thread is lovely, because there are many people on here - born in the 1950s to 1970s - who didn't get much love and affection and cuddles from their parents.

And their parents (mostly born 1930s and 1940s,) didn't get much either, (nor did the generation before them and so on......)

But these mostly Generation X parents (the posters on here,) have been cuddly and loving and affectionate with their children. Despite many not getting much affection themselves...

Lots of children, young and older (20 and 30-something adults born in the 1990s or late 1980s,) are loving and affectionate and much more open and happy to be tactile because of the Gen X parents breaking that cycle

I doff my Imaginary hat to y'all. Grin

Lalliebelle · 07/06/2021 21:31

I'm so happy reading this. Gives me hope that me and DD will continue to be cuddly together forever, despite my awkwardness with my own parents.

VettiyaIruken · 07/06/2021 21:31

Mine are 20 and 22 years old and I'll come back and let you know when the cuddles stop. 😁

Nowadays they are me getting bear hugged by men a clear foot taller than me rather than me picking up and squishing little ones but a hug is a hug 😁

Lara53 · 07/06/2021 21:32

My boys are 14 and 18 and still cuddle/ kiss me most days and tell me they love me!

NiceGerbil · 07/06/2021 21:36

Last messages are really good to read.

My mum was very non touchy. I can't remember her ever hugging or kissing me but she must have. My dad tried but got stamped down.

Not to do with war it's just them.. my mum's mum was very affectionate though.

So anyway I cuddle my kids and tell them I love them all the time. Some on MN have the view it 'undervalues' the sentiment if you say it all the time.

Nope.

I do love them and they know it which I never did and still don't.

They also cuddle each other a lot and are very close. Luck probably! But for DDs 12 and 14 having seen my friends with their sisters at that age I think it's really good.

I had a DB close in age and we got on brilliantly until puberty hit, and then later once that had all passed.

idontlikealdi · 07/06/2021 21:38

My ten year olds get in bed with me every morning, I cherish every time because I know we're on the cusp of it one day just not happening. They drive me batshit crazy most of the time but the morning cuddles are still the best.

Stickyjamhands · 07/06/2021 21:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PixieDust28 · 07/06/2021 21:38

28 and I always cuddle my mum when I see her. She also plants about 50,000 kisses on us all and wouldn't change it Grin.

CandyLeBonBon · 07/06/2021 21:39

12,16,19. All still v cuddly. Hug several times daily. Me and each other.

Youngest comes into bed for cuddles occasionally. All say "I love you" daily.

Kolo · 07/06/2021 21:40

@Invisimamma

I think it depends on the child and your relationship.

My ds10 has never been cuddly and since he was around 9 months would push me away and not want cuddled or physically comforted.

My ds6 has always been super cuddly and affectionate and I can't see that changing for a while.

This. I've got a 12 yo who has never really loved too much cuddling, and a 10yo who is still a big cuddler.
olidora63 · 07/06/2021 21:40

Hmmmn eldest daughter has never been physically effectionate...she absolutely hates hugs but we have a fantastic relationship. My older son always gives me a big bear hug and youngest also went through a phase of not enjoying a hug but he is now more chilled and will hug me .

lakesummer · 07/06/2021 21:41

was horrified when I heard that phrase that one day you will pick your child up and put them down again for the last time. I know it's true

Don't worry, it seems the next bit is that they pick you up! DS picks me up for a cuddle now !!

As the dc of two non cuddly parents I am charmed and surprised by how affectionate my dc are.

VettiyaIruken · 07/06/2021 21:41

@littlepattilou

I agree with pp that this thread is lovely, because there are many people on here - born in the 1950s to 1970s - who didn't get much love and affection and cuddles from their parents.

And their parents (mostly born 1930s and 1940s,) didn't get much either, (nor did the generation before them and so on......)

But these mostly Generation X parents (the posters on here,) have been cuddly and loving and affectionate with their children. Despite many not getting much affection themselves...

Lots of children, young and older (20 and 30-something adults born in the 1990s or late 1980s,) are loving and affectionate and much more open and happy to be tactile because of the Gen X parents breaking that cycle

I doff my Imaginary hat to y'all. Grin

True.

Hugging was never really a thing when I was a kid. And tbh I hate being touched and avoid hugs like the plague - apart from with my kids. I've cuddled the crap out of them their whole lives 🤣

PixieDust28 · 07/06/2021 21:41

Also to add my DS is 23 months and is very cuddly! I tell him I love him multiple times a day and he will say 'ove you' back 🥺.

My 16 nearly 17 year old nephew always gives me a cuddle. He's so affectionate and always tells me he loves me.

GurlwiththeCurl · 07/06/2021 21:41

My parents were born just before WWII and were both quite cuddly with us. My two DSs are in their 30s and are still extremely cuddly. They both come to me for hair stroking and hugs.

Neither of them have girlfriends at the moment, so the cuddling could easily change in the future, but I think I will always get some hugs!

Elsielouise13 · 07/06/2021 21:42

Both mine volunteer cuddles. 12 and 15

LemonSherbetFancies · 07/06/2021 21:45

Love these stories even though both my daughters have inherited my hate of physical constant and hugs!

EmeraldShamrock · 07/06/2021 21:49

It decreased dramatically Literally overnight when she started secondary school. So, 11. She'll still get in to bed for a cuddle but not cuddling on the sofa etc
My DD age 12 is the same enjoys a good night kiss and cuddle before sleep, she wouldn't let me come within 3ft of her in the daytime.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 07/06/2021 21:51

it hasn't stopped and don't expect it ever will.
DS1 is 20 next month, he still hugs & kisses me everyday and tells me he loves me.
same with all the others (4 of them are teenagers!).

DS6 is my biggest fan. he's almost 7, he's still all over me. DD is 9, she's the second cuddliest.
If my kids' kisses & hugs were money I'd be a multimillionaire! 😁

WeAllHaveWings · 07/06/2021 21:55

I still get cuddles from 6'2" Ds(17) then he pats me on the head after and calls me Shorty (I'm 5'10"!!), if we are watching TV he'll sit next to me and drape his endlessly long legs over my knees. Occasionally he'll jokingly try to sit on my knee and flatten me.

He goes to bed later than me now but comes in when I am going to bed to chat for 10 mins before saying goodnight, love you, and closing my door over. Depending on the child the closeness and cuddles can stay, they just become supersized.

ThrobbingToothacheOfTheMind · 07/06/2021 21:56

When does it start?

HazyDaisy123456 · 07/06/2021 21:57

DD now 16 was exceptionally cuddly, loving and affectionate as a child. I can’t remember when she changed but for the last couple of years she shows know affection and won’t have us being loving or affectionate with her at all.
Whereas DS17 was also lovely and cuddly. He still gives me a kiss but thats it no hugs.

Pieceofpurplesky · 07/06/2021 22:00

17 yo DS currently on the sofa with his feet on me. Most nights he will come and lie on my bed for a while and we talk. He still loves a hug although he is 6foot and I am 5'2!

I am in my 50s and still hug mum and dad.

woodfort · 07/06/2021 22:05

@Verbena87

I’m still cuddly with my parents and sister. They’re 64 and 63, and we’re 32 and 34. So... never?
See, I’m not. I’m not sure why but the idea of cuddling them is alien to me and I’m not sure I could bring myself to do it. I cuddle my kids constantly and I bedshare with both most nights. I hope that we’ll still be affectionate when they grow older but I don’t feel like I’ve ever seen older children having a cuddle with a parent modelled. Hopefully it will just happen for me.
ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 07/06/2021 22:06

@WeAllHaveWings

haha! my 17 yo DS2 is 6'7" and calls me Little Mummy!🤣
he often rests a pint of water on my head for a few seconds as if I was a bed side table!
he takes the piss out of me when I ask him to get something down from a shelf "aww, poor wittle mummy can't weach with her tiny wittle arms"🤣🤣
I'm 5' 4" so pretty average height (I think).