To ask when the physical closeness with your children ended?

[AnAwesomePossum]

DS will be 4 next month. He’s still pretty cuddly and gets into my bed most mornings for ‘bed snuggles’ and tonight wanted some big cuddles and kisses before he’d settle in bed.

On the one hand, I struggled a bit with the the lack of physical space (we co-slept and breastfeed until 2), and I was so grateful for my space again. On the other hand, those lovely little skinny arms wrapped around me are the loveliest thing.

So I’m both excited for independence but also really sad thinking about him not just running up for a cuddle and a soggy kiss. What age did it stop with you DC and did it feel fine, or was it a sad event when you realised it was over?

17 and 15 year old boys. Still hug and kiss me all the time. Never stopped and don't care who sees !!

DD is 12 and loves a good cuddle, we watch a film and she cuddles in the whole time.

I hug my mum. My dad wasn't very cuddly, but he grew up in a fairly non tactile household himself.

My 17 and 14 year old boys still cuddle. The 17 year old in particularly often bounces into the room, hugs me, and turn bounces out again.Two mins before I read this thread, the 14 year old came into the kitchen in search of food, hugged me, and sloped out again.

12 and 8 year old boys still cuddle me all the time, and often jump up on me for a koala style hug - the 12 year old is almost as tall as me so it looks a bit ridiculous but I'm not about to tell him to stop!
I still cuddle my Dad lots and I'm 40 (my Mum has passed but we were very cuddly too), in fact sometimes the only thing that makes me feel better is a cuddle from him!

My 3 adult kids are all affectionate and cuddly. One of them still sits on my lap sometimes, though he is 6 inches taller than me.

Both mine like a cuddle 12 and 14

We still tuck them in at night same as when they were tiny

Mine are still pretty cuddly, and they are 11 and 14.

Dd1 (17) has autism and will request hugs on her terms. Dd2 (15) is extra cuddly. DS is 11 and we still put him to bed with cuddles and kisses, I even get them at the school gate!

DS14 and DS13 still cuddly. And my DM85 and I sat arm in arm for an hour on the sofa at the weekend.

Increasingly let the child lead, and then they will be the best ones to know when it’s OK to be affectionate and how. I think it you have a naturally affectionate child, and you are naturally affectionate and this is in a genuine, respectful way, then your child will remain like that throughout their life. If it’s in any way needy or forced it won’t.

My older teenage boy now loves to give me around the shoulder hugs but not really face to face hugs. Manly hugs! It’s ace. But that affection is also really there in conversation and texting - we both say ‘Love you son, love you mum’ etc and it’s really easy, natural and lovely!

I think it just feels right not to be so close after age 6/7ish - little by little.

I'm 27, and still love hugging with my mum 🤣

I climbed into bed for morning cuddles with my mum until she died when I was 40. Would still cuddle my dad, but for Covid. Hoping tiny, cuddly, fierce knee-hugger DD is the same as me :)

Also, younger DS is autistic and is the most affectionate cuddly boy out there! Constantly affectionate. Just goes to show you can’t pigeon hole everyone. (And DS is on the more severe, minimal verbal autism side)

@User57327259

Yeah, I don't feel that bad.

DS age 17 still gives hugs and tells me he loves me. More so now that he has a girlfriend. I think maybe he’s trying to reassure me! DD is 6 and doesn’t do cuddles at all really. She has autism and tolerates the occasional one from me but for the most part prefers her own space. I think it depends on the child.

My lovely 14 yr old son came into the bedroom just before bedtime a couple of nights ago and said “Mum, do you know what’s really weird, that I just realised? One day, you put me down, and you never picked me up again. Isn’t that weird to think? Oh well.” And off he went back to brush his teeth, leaving me with my heart breaking to remember the little baby and boy that I carried around for so long.

Sob! My baby!

I love this thread it has made me feel so much better. I grew up in am incredibly distant household. The only time I ever remember my father hugging me was when he dropped me off for university. I don't think I ever remember my mother hugging me. Ds1 and 2 are both very cuddly. Ds1 has specific things (like he loves hugging me but can't hold my hand) but he is ASD so thags a bit different . Still within his own boundaries he is still incredibly affectionate with me at 8. Not so much with others but me and his brother absolutely.

Ds2 bless him absolutely loves a cuddle . Will still happily at 5 doze off with his head on my shoulder and cuddled up.

I love this bit because I never had it and was horrified when I heard that phrase that one day you will pick your child up and put them down again for the last time. I know it's true because I struggle to hold ds1 up at all (part of his proprioceptive response currently is fully body hugs like a monkey) . I know that will end (because it should...not healthy to hold a 15 year old on your hip wven if you could) but I was worried about the hugging and cuddles going. I mean if they need space I respect that (we have a rule to ask for a hug in this house and no is always respected with no issue) but I hope they remain just a bit cuddly.

Ds13 stopped at about 8 i do still get a hug kiss on cheek an love you every night b4 bed an in morning b4 he leaves for school.

I have 2 boys. I'd say that from the onset of puberty it becomes very much on their terms ie they initiate a cuddle when they want to. Any attempts to grab a quick hug are met with an "aargh get off mum Im eating/gaming/messaging my friends "

@AnAwesomePossum

That’s really reassuring. DS is very loving and close with me and I really hope it continues. But I had a really awkward upbringing with my parents and I literally can’t remember the last time I cuddled either of them (let alone kiss) so I worry about losing it.

I had a similar upbringing. Mine are older teens and still hug and kiss me every day. Still snuggle up on the sofa for movies and will curl up beside me in bed to watch silly tiktoks or Youtube. Love how cuddly they still are

My 26 yr old DD popped in for a cuddle on her way home today, just because. Lockdown was very hard

My mum was a cuddler, but I didn't really like it.

Ds is like a stick if you go near him. I cuddle him, in case he does want to but feels like he shouldn't. I kind of do it in an overdramatic way, so it's jokey.
Dd has always been very tactile and is always touching someone. She's a bit like a cat and doesn't really do personal space.

Same here- DS is 23, DD 21, still both very cuddly.
We will share a blanket, snuggle down and watch Netflix.

DS who is 10 has always been very cuddly and definitely still is. He really likes all kind of touch and he is fairly profligate and happy to cuddle anyone who wants a cuddle. He's really good at it too.

DD now 14 was never big on cuddles from anyone except me and DH and always a bit awkward but even now she will have a cuddle if she wants to but very much on her own terms.

user57327259 "I grew up with parents who were both young adults during the War and were involved in the War. I think they learned not to get too close to people in the war years due to the numbers who died during the war and after, and those who were horribly injured. I did feel loved but there were very few hugs especially as I got older."

I've never seen this explained so well before, and it describes my parents exactly. Thank you, user.