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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend has an obvious crush on DP

91 replies

LemonSherbetFancies · 07/06/2021 10:36

I have known her a couple of years. She is lovely and not married or coupled up herself. She tries to hide it but she very obviously has a crush on DP. She goes very red when around him, laughs a lot in a nervous way and avoids being alone with him. He has even noticed this himself and asks why she will not speak with him. She also seems to be avoiding me a little and seems sad.
As I said, she is lovely and avoiding situations where she is alone with him and definitely not flirting or anything but it is very clear that she likes him. We normally all do things in a group but covid has stopped this. Everytime I have broached the subject of meeting in a group in the future, she makes excuses.
Aibu to assume this friendship now has to be over?

OP posts:

BlueTriskel · 07/06/2021 10:42

Why does it have to be, assuming you value her friendship? It will pass, like all crushes, assuming you’re even correct. I would have said that Covid would have made it impossible to meet often enough for you to have had a chance to judge the possible reasons behind her blushes and laughs.

Pinkylemons · 07/06/2021 10:42

Not to jum- to conclusions but are you sure nothing has ever happened between them? Sounds like a very odd way to act if it’s just a crush.

Thehop · 07/06/2021 10:44

I work with a girl who’s like this with all men, just can’t cope with them. May not just be your dp?

No need to lose a friend over it, just let her stay away from him until it passes if that’s what she wants.

LilMidge01 · 07/06/2021 10:44

Why cant you just meet up with her without DP?

Spied · 07/06/2021 10:45

Meet up one-to-one. I'm presuming it doesn't have to be a group meet- especially as she doesn't have a partner herself, must be weird her meeting up with couples.
I'd rather her act like this than be draping herself over my OH.

Original poster

LemonSherbetFancies · 07/06/2021 10:47

Definitely not a chance of anything happening between them. He is not attracted to her physically and has told me this as we are quite open with one another on these topics. Without making him sound horrible, there are aspects of her physical appearance that he does not like. He finds her behaviour weird too so I am very sure nothing has happened.
I have been seeing a lot of her as we live nearby and both have the same freetime at the moment.

OP posts:

SmokeyDevil · 07/06/2021 10:47

Considering how some women act around men they fancy, even if it's a friends partner, she's being so nice about it if she does fancy him. She definitely doesn't want you to know.

Just let her react to it in whatever way she wants and it will pass. See her on your own/other friends without your partner. But keep inviting her to meet ups where your partner will be there too.

Original poster

LemonSherbetFancies · 07/06/2021 10:48

Pre covid we all met up a lot as a group to go to music festivals so it seems sad to cut her out of this and invite her only to coffee dates with me but maybe this is the only way forward.

OP posts:

PacifyLulu · 07/06/2021 10:50

Just invite her and let her make her own decisions.

OrangeRug · 07/06/2021 10:51

I'm pretty sure that one of my close friends fancies DH. She doesn't flirt or anything but I do get a vibe and others have noticed too. I just ignore it as she can't help how she feels and I know she wouldn't act on it. And if she did - well I guess that would be the end of our friendship lol.

Bluntness100 · 07/06/2021 10:52

Are you sure it’s not all men. Or maybe he makes her nervous and she doesn’t actually like him. I’d really not assume a crush.

GammyLeg · 07/06/2021 10:53

“Without making him sound horrible, there are aspects of her physical appearance that he does not like.”

It does sound like you’ve been discussing your friend’s physical attributes which is a bit horrible. I think it’s enough to say he’s not attracted to her.

If she’s a lovely friend just give her the space to deal with it - meet up without DH for a while.

Bluntness100 · 07/06/2021 10:53

Actually on re reading as she gets nervous and tries to avoid being alone with him are you sure he’s not made a pass at her ?

JewelGarden · 07/06/2021 10:54

Sounds like he's gone to great lengths to persuade you that he doesn't fancy her.

Keepitonthedownlow · 07/06/2021 10:56

Being nervous doesn't mean you fancy someone

BlueTriskel · 07/06/2021 11:01

Maybe she really dislikes him, and attempting to hide it makes her flustered? It seems weirdly arbitrary to decide she fancies him on the ‘evidence’ given here, and discussing her ‘aspects of her physical appearance’ with him makes you both sound rather unpleasant.

AnyFucker · 07/06/2021 11:03

I think you both sound a bit “horrible” actually

Maybe she senses you have been discussing this “crush” she has and now finds it difficult to act naturally around you both

CaraherEIL · 07/06/2021 11:07

I think it does sound like a crush, but she is not behaving in anyway that warrants her losing your friendship. I think she is trying to behave very decently and trying to avoid group events until her feelings pass.I would spend some time with her for coffee etc. She seems as if she is trying to sort out her feelings with some time out.

Original poster

LemonSherbetFancies · 07/06/2021 11:37

As I said, he definitely does not fancy her. I know he is her type physically and personality wise and yet I know he is not hers. I have noticed some 'tender looks' from her end but then she quickly snaps back to a normal expression. It's clear there are feelings there on her side.

She is doing nothing wrong, just feels awkward. She wouldn't have any way of knowing that we know she feels like this so don't think that is contributing to her behaviour.

OP posts:

MasterBeth · 07/06/2021 12:32

You don’t have to do anything, do you?

PandoraP · 07/06/2021 12:37

I think you are imagining it.

bungaloid · 07/06/2021 12:42

The only way to know for sure is to make them both do Strictly Come Dancing together and see if anything happens.

Jengnr · 07/06/2021 12:52

@GammyLeg

“Without making him sound horrible, there are aspects of her physical appearance that he does not like.”

It does sound like you’ve been discussing your friend’s physical attributes which is a bit horrible. I think it’s enough to say he’s not attracted to her.

If she’s a lovely friend just give her the space to deal with it - meet up without DH for a while.

That’s not necessarily true. I know my husband’s type and I know my bestie isn’t it. My bestie is very slim with small boobs. My husband would take a bigger woman with massive tits (like me 🤣) instead any day of the week.

Conversely she wouldn’t be into him either. He would be described in some circles as a bear and she definitely isn’t into that. She likes her men more muscular and clean shaven.

I know this without ever having discussed the other’s body with either of them.

stackemhigh · 07/06/2021 12:57

Aibu to assume this friendship now has to be over?

I have been seeing a lot of her as we live nearby and both have the same freetime at the moment.

No, just keep seeing her one to one. (If you want to)

Pre covid we all met up a lot as a group to go to music festivals so it seems sad to cut her out of this and invite her only to coffee dates with me but maybe this is the only way forward.

Don't cut her out, keep inviting her. As pp says, she may stop crushing on him.

Blossomtoes · 07/06/2021 12:59

It’s only over if you and your partner are joined at the hip. See her without him. Job done.

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