Friend has an obvious crush on DP

[LemonSherbetFancies]

I have known her a couple of years. She is lovely and not married or coupled up herself. She tries to hide it but she very obviously has a crush on DP. She goes very red when around him, laughs a lot in a nervous way and avoids being alone with him. He has even noticed this himself and asks why she will not speak with him. She also seems to be avoiding me a little and seems sad.
As I said, she is lovely and avoiding situations where she is alone with him and definitely not flirting or anything but it is very clear that she likes him. We normally all do things in a group but covid has stopped this. Everytime I have broached the subject of meeting in a group in the future, she makes excuses.
Aibu to assume this friendship now has to be over?

People can’t help who they are attracted to. Likening being attracted to a friends partner and a blood family member is irrelevant, that is to do with the cousin being a strong presence throughout your life, which accounts for how often people who are estranged at a young age from siblings sometimes develop intense attraction for each other. Not great but not uncommon. You can congratulate yourself on your strong morals for not being attracted to your friends partners but it has nothing to do with your psychology. Shaming people who have inappropriate crushes, especially when they do their best not to act on them, seems cruel to me

I disagree. Acknowledging someone is attractive is different to having a crush on someone. Having a crush on someone is a bit more than acknowledging their attractiveness or thinking ‘he’s fit’.

Having a crush is where you find them irresistibly attractive, would love to kiss them, have romantic feeling for them. It doesn’t happen often or with every attractive person and it can be triggered by an interaction.

How many women have a one night stand then can’t stop thinking about the guy afterwards. They end up having a crush on the guy.

It’s one thing having a crush on the guy who gets on the train each morning, as there’s no connection to anyone, so your imagination can run wild etc as it’s a bit of fun. Having a crush on a friends husband is weird imo.

It may be that she’s acting that way because she doesn’t like him…..

I think a crush when you involuntarily go bright red or blush is quite difficult to control and embarrassing if it happens every time she is in his company. That would be reason enough for me to avoid being in a group with him.

Your reaction is a bit odd to be honest OP. You obviously don't place much value on her friendship if you're so quick to end it.

I have a friend who probably has a bit of a crush on my husband, although her behaviour is nothing like you describe. When she gets a bit drunk she'll start lamenting to him that she would love to find a man like him etc, always tells me how great he is and how lucky I am. Whatever. No big deal.

Really? Your friend has a perceived crush, by you, on your DH and you're willing to cut her out?
Why are your female friendships not worth than that?

You seem very strange.

Make up some vile personal habits of his.
It may not be crush she might be uncomfortable and shy around men for another reason.

I'm going to assume you are right (don't know why so many are hell bent on having a go at you and saying you are wrong). I would do nothing, continue to invite her as normal and let her make her own choices. Thats the kindest thing to do - if you don't feel threatened.

Why do you need to end the friendship?

You say your friend has an 'obvious crush' on your DP and then state, 'Definitely not a chance of anything happening between them. He is not attracted to her.'

So why assume the friendship has to be over if there is 'definitely not a chance of anything happening'?

Am i missing something?

Wow, you’re in your fifties? As the song goes, I wasn’t expecting that.

Sounds like she can't stand him!! 😂

Let her sleep with him, then spend a week living with him that'll cure her.

I have a crush on a friend's DP. I would be mortified if either of them knew. My friendship is worth so much with both of them. You can't help who you fancy, but if you don't act on it, why should it be a problem?

If your friend really does fancy your DP, she is doing everything she can to hide it. Leave her be.

@LemonSherbetFancies

I have known her years so know her type (My DP). He is always kind to her and I know she values men who have personalities like his. We were not dissecting her looks or being mean, I just know what he is attracted to.

Well you've either known her years or a couple of years as your op states. Which is it?

She can't help if she's attracted to him. Some people aren't very good at hiding it. Unless she's actually making a move on him.

If you were secure in your relationship her crush wouldn't mean anything to you.

Eeeuw you and your husband discussing the attractiveness of people you know. Gross. You're that couple. No wonder she's uncomfortable

You do sound quite convinced and excited by the idea that she fancies your husband.

It’s not a crime anyway.