Saying NO to Visitors Quarentining in Our House

[SunshineDad2021]

Or rather are me and my wife being unreasonable that we don't want visitors quarentining in our house with our newborn? We have a small house, and they wouldn't be able to leave at all for the 10 day period.
They are now being incredibly spiteful and sulking. Not only is space an issue (an extra 4 people in our home), they aren't even acknowledging the potential risk of illness to us and our newborn baby. They are spoiling a time that should be special and happy because we have said no and asked to compromise on the visit happening when quarentine is no longer required. They are being completely unreasonable because they've not got their own way and now we just feel like we have to hide what we are doing as a family just to avoid the abusive/bullying/emotionally manipulative behaviour.
My wife is understandably upset at whats happened. Now we dread the visit at all if this is how it is going to be, which makes us both really sad as we did want to see these people when ready and able to.

YANBU. If they want to come they need to quarantine in a hotel and see you once the time is up.

Even without a new born I would say not a chance! It sounds like a recipe for disaster.

They can either book somewhere to quarantine or like you said wait until it’s not needed

I'm confused as to why they have to quarantine for 10 days with you?

Who are they to you? I’m guessing your parents and maybe a couple of siblings who live abroad.

Hello
They live in an Amber list country and have said they can't afford to stay in an air bnb or hotel... yes I know its one of the many excuses. They want to be "under one roof" as a family despite it being completely unreasonable

If they quarantine in your house, surely that means you and your wife have to quarantine too? So on top of adding the stress of possible illness to you both, they’re happy to force you into quarantine for ten days?

There is no way in hell I would be allowing this to happen. They can sulk all they like.

Well it wouldn't be quarantining under those circumstances. So I suppose they could be fined, or whatever happens to people who break the rules. If anyone were to report them.

You just say - it's not possible. The end.

Their mood and tantrum is their problem.

Besides - imagine somebody with that attitude locked in your house for 10 minutes - let alone 10 days!

Nope. They can sulk themselves into a hotel - or better yet, stay where they are.

Your wife has just had a baby. She doesn't need this stress and you - as a family - don't need the risk to yourselves or baby. If someone tried that with me, I wouldn't be long giving two fingers & hitting the block button. How completely entitled & also massive CF-ery.

They could do test to release to cut the quarantine? No way would I have someone quarantine for the full 10 days.

Absolutely no way would I allow this to happen!!
You need to put your gorgeous newborn first here. And they need to respect this. I’m guessing it’s close family who want to visit to see the newborn and are therefore sulking they can’t!
Don’t give in!! They’re not the only ones in the world facing this. They need to respect your family and be proud that you’re putting it first.

Enjoy your baby and cocoon yourself together during this precious time.

Assuming you are in the U.K., your wife and child will have health visitor visits at home for the first week or two depending on how she and the baby are doing. After that they will need to go to a clinic for weigh in's, vaccinations at 6 weeks and so on. It's pretty impractical and there is obviously a risk to the three of you.
Hold firm, they'll get over it. Millions of grandparents have not met newborns in person for the past 18 months.
Can you offer to visit when the baby has had first few vaccinations and everyone is more robust. Moses and the mountain and all that!

Thanks all.
We offered to go over and visit end of summer when it isn't too hot and vaccinations are more widely rolled out. Wasn't good enough. Being told repeatedly "oh we are not welcome" when they are, just not given the current situation. We also said we can't have them staying longer than a week regardless of covid - we have a new baby and a small house!
Bit of a narc situation to be honest but that's a whole different thread that I am too tired to write

Is this Your or DW’s parents? They sound a nightmare tbh. Don’t let them, and don’t let them control you.

@LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 sadly they're mine. I usually bend over backwards for an easy life, call me a coward, but I am really trying on this situation. But every call or text I have since saying no, has been ull of spiteful remarks, the "you don't love me" comments, hanging up the phone on me, being short etc.

OP if that's how they treat you while dealing with a newborn in a pandemic, that is not a good relationship at all. Parents aren't meant to make things more difficult...

The fact you're saying no is clearly a huge step for you, so you should be really proud of yourself! You're putting your wife and child above your parents, which from lots of Mumsnet threads it's clear lots of men struggle with.

Hold firm, ignore any tantrums and don't get drawn into any conversations, just keep saying 'no, we don't feel it's safe' and ignore the guilt tripping

Watch they aren't nasty to your DW. I come from this sort of family and the woman always gets the blame.

I've said this on loads of threads but my DH always has my back in a objective way and it's really a good thing, we've been married a long time because of it!

Stand strong OP.

Reading between the lines, they seem jealous of your new focus of attention!! They do need to grow up and be proud of you! You’re protecting your wife and child and that’s admirable. Don’t back down, you’ll always regret it. Do it once, and that will reinforce their pathetic behaviour.

I'd just state , one more time , that they have to quarantine by themselves when they arrive. They aren't allowed to quarantine with you.
Then leave them be for a while.

You mustn't risk breaking any rules or , most importantly, your family's health.

Even there wasn't a pandemic I wouldn't want 4 relatives coming to stay after having a new baby. They are being completely unreasonable expecting you to allow them to stay, even without the quartanine issue. Don't back down. You've stood up to them and they are not used to that. Ignore the pathetic manipulative texts - delete them as soon as you see them. On phone calls, ignore the catty remarks. Change the subject or simply say you are not getting into an argument and hang up. Sounds like you would better off without too much contact anyway. Congrats on baby and well done for making a stand for yourself, your wife and your baby.

Spiteful and sulking people aren't welcome in my house, Covid or not!

[quote SunshineDad2021]@LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 sadly they're mine. I usually bend over backwards for an easy life, call me a coward, but I am really trying on this situation. But every call or text I have since saying no, has been ull of spiteful remarks, the "you don't love me" comments, hanging up the phone on me, being short etc.[/quote]
Why are you putting up with that? For your, your wife and your kids sake, go NC or at the very least LC. They are manipulative and abusive.

The fact they happened to create you does not in any way, shape or form mean they get to treat you like this. If a friend was like this you would tell them to fuck off. You need to have the same approach here.

@1Morewineplease that’s of course not true. It’s allowed and legal to quarantine with friends or family. Just check on the gov website.

regardless, it’s madness of course and I wouldn’t be blackmailed into it OP. Also OP are they aware of cost of testing? They need a minimum of 3-4 PCR tests per person (one to enter country, 2 during quarantine, 1 to leave). This will cost at least £300 each.

Another alternative is two relatives (your DP?) come for 4-5 days - less time together and one less PCR test. Also you don’t have to quarantine when hosting them.