Page 9 | AIBU to think we did a nice thing?!

BlueDucky · 07/06/2021 05:53

Did DH get a similar message? I'm guessing it was just you she had an issue with from your post. Maybe you were supposed to sing badly!

You did a lovely thing and I'd definitely send the message to the groom.

ApolloandDaphne · 07/06/2021 06:03

I too think this is for your DH to take up with his friend given her was the best man and they arranged this between them.

Northernparent68 · 07/06/2021 06:20

@WeddingSingers

NC because this is very outing.

About two weeks ago, DH and I attended a wedding where DH was the Best Man. The bride went a little bit "bridezilla" in the build-up to the wedding - including quite a big argument where she was insisting to her DH that the bride should get a veto on any wedding decision and was insisting that she got to choose the suits). We're not in the UK so Covid restrictions were different so around 100 people in attendance.

On the day, the band contacted the couple to say that there was some issue (it was illness related but not sure if it was Covid) and they couldn't be there. DH is a musician with an audio background - he spoke to the Groom offered to sing and play guitar for their first dance and a few other pieces. I also sometimes sing with DH (I'm not a professional singer) so I did some backing vocals for the songs. I thought it was quite nice and went quite well all things considered - it was also quite a lot of stress to try and sort out on the day of the wedding to go home and get kit and get things set up without anyone really being aware or missing any part of the day.

I've just been messaged by the Bride today to say that she's really hurt that I made "her day" all about me "by stealing the limelight". I also wore white shoes (with a navy dress) and she's said it was "totally inappropriate and really nasty". I feel like this is completely absurd - I only sang the backing vocals and, of course, all eyes would've been on her! I understand not wearing white to a wedding but I feel like it's just my shoes - am I wrong here?

Should I apologise just to keep the peace and prevent anything being awkward with DH and his best mate? Should I ignore entirely? Should I respond and defend myself? Or was I in the wrong and should I apologise?

To be fair if the bride did n’t know her husband had asked you to sing she might have thought you’d hi-jacked the event. It would n’t hurt to explain this to her.

Waspsarearseholes · 07/06/2021 06:30

@Northernparent68 - don't you think the bride and groom would have discussed this rather large change of plans when the bride noticed the band wasn't singing at the wedding? I honestly can't imagine the bride wondering about this for two weeks yet not asking her husband about it.

CovidCorvid · 07/06/2021 06:40

She’s bonkers.....I wonder if she doesn’t like her dh having friends so is now trying to cause friction?

Lucaslucas1612 · 07/06/2021 06:52

She sounds jealous. Are you more attractive than her? It sounds like you might have got more attention than her, I would guess people were probably praising you and your singing to her and she didn't like it as they weren't praising her. I do remember at my wedding some friends saying how pretty my sister looked as the bridesmaid, it did make me feel a bit crap 💩

LadyOfLittleLeisure · 07/06/2021 07:13

@Shamoo

I honestly just wouldn’t reply at all. She’s insane and any reply you send other than an apology will make it worse, but an apology will leave her thinking she is in the right which wouldn’t be ok.

I agree with this

StuffinThePuffin · 07/06/2021 07:16

I would reply:

Your husband asked us to do it. I'm sorry that you weren't aware of that. Congratulations.

And then block her and don't bother with her again. She sounds like a ridiculous drama llama

AGirlsGotToDo · 07/06/2021 07:17

The woman's a psycho!

Subbaxeo · 07/06/2021 07:25

@Ifimight

The only words out of her mouth should have been "thank you".

Quite.

Bananahana · 07/06/2021 07:38

She’s a nasty piece of work

bigbaggyeyes · 07/06/2021 07:44

I'd text back

'I think what you meant to say was thank you for stepping in and giving us the opportunity to have our first dance, really appreciated your help.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 07/06/2021 07:52

[quote SmidgenofaPigeon]@Waspsarearseholes don’t be silly. Obviously yes. But I’ve not seen anyone I don’t think wear white shoes to a wedding. I don’t think white dress-shoes are very common. My only shoes of that description are my actual wedding shoes 🤷🏻‍♀️[/quote]
Oh, how soon they forget! (OK, that wasn't a wedding, but Princess Diana wore white shoes at every opportunity!)

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 07/06/2021 07:54

You did a lovely thing, which most people would have been delighted by. I pity the bridegroom …

ruthieness · 07/06/2021 07:57

Rather than say "Sorry you feel that way,......."

I would say "It is a shame you feel that way......"

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 07/06/2021 08:00

Navy dress, white shoes. Perfectly normal combo, especially in the summer.

The word 'sorry' would not leave my lips in these circs, nor would my fingers be tapping it out. I pity the groom.

Nietzschethehiker · 07/06/2021 08:12

I can just about understand some bridezilla behaviour in the run up to the wedding. I do think often there os a wierd tunnel perspective combined with pressure that turns people a bit odd as the wedding gets nearer. Usually I've found they wake up the morning after and realise they got a little bit insane. Hopefully they revert to their normal selves so for her to do this when it's all over tells you that she is just entitled and arrogant and it had nothing to do with wedding stress.

I would personally respond once with a clear reminder that it wasn't about you and you had been doing a nice thing. Clarify her response is inappropriate and you no longer want contact. I couldn't honestly spend time with someone like this.

KateTheEighth · 07/06/2021 08:18

@SmidgenofaPigeon

White shoes though? With a navy dress?

It’s besides the point but I’m just struggling to imagine that colour combo.

Miaow

notanothertakeaway · 07/06/2021 08:20

@ruthieness

Rather than say "Sorry you feel that way,......."

I would say "It is a shame you feel that way......"

Yes that's better. Don't apologise

Lots of suggested replies on here, whilst amusing, come from keyboard warriors who have no skin in the game. IRL, I think most of us would want to defend ourselves without stirring up more trouble

Maray1967 · 07/06/2021 08:31

I would insist my DH forwards the message to his friend and tells him that you can’t believe what she’s sent. And then wait.
Any sane person would be grateful that folks stepped up to help and would be thanking them. Something similar happened at a wedding I went to and both bride and groom were really relieved and grateful that friends stood in and performed snd said so on the night to all the guests.

SnoopyLights · 07/06/2021 08:32

I don't think you were wrong to help out, but if I were in your place it would be the last time we did anything for them.

Did you have much to do with her before the wedding? Did you get along? And do you see much of her DH and get along with him? Does she get on with your DH?

I think it's possible she's not been keen on you / your DH in the past and she's resenting it was you / him that stepped in to help out on the day. Possibly made worse by other guests complimenting you and him to her afterwards.

Which shouldn't be your problem, because you were doing them a favour and it was a nice, kind thing to do.

You can bet that her husband has been made aware she wasn't happy though, possibly with him saying your DH offered to help but he had no idea you would sing as well, which is why she's focused on you stealing the limelight. Her DH said yours could sing, not you. And if that's the case they both sound as bad as each other.

But it's the shoes thing that makes me think she hasn't been keen on you in the past. Who cares about other people's shoes? She seems to be grasping for things to berate you about.

I would say that ideally, I wouldn't reply to her at all, although I would tell my DH as he would need to know why I was distancing myself from his friend and his wife. But I know I find it hard not to respond to things so in reality I would be replying with something like "This won't be an issue in the future as we won't be doing you any more favours."

NotFrozen · 07/06/2021 08:33

OP, are you a lot more attractive than her and is it possible she has low self esteem? Seems like an odd reaction unless you inadvertently stole the show by looking and sounding amazing and having all eyes on you.

MintyMabel · 07/06/2021 08:36

”I’m very sorry if we upset you - it was absolutely not our intention to steal any focus whatsoever, we just wanted to help with the music. Honestly, we thought we were helping you out. I'm really sorry that this has caused stress though. I hope you had a good honeymoon. Speak soon, OP"

It sounds simpering, and “sorry if I upset you” is the worst of the non-apologies.

The groom arranged it, although it is unclear if he agreed to OP joining in to sing karaoke backing vocals. Perhaps that’s her issue.

Best just to leave it and not respond.

NotFrozen · 07/06/2021 08:38

OP I wouldn’t respond to her at all at this point. She’s not thinking straight and it won’t end well.

IntermittentParps · 07/06/2021 08:41

To be fair if the bride did n’t know her husband had asked you to sing she might have thought you’d hi-jacked the event. It would n’t hurt to explain this to her.

Any normal person would see it as 'saving the event's entertainment' rather than 'hi-jacking the event'.

Agree with others saying send on the message to the groom and say 'I'm not sure how to reply to this.' Punt it up the chain and forget about the loon.