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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think we did a nice thing?!

503 replies

WeddingSingers · 06/06/2021 20:08

NC because this is very outing.

About two weeks ago, DH and I attended a wedding where DH was the Best Man. The bride went a little bit "bridezilla" in the build-up to the wedding - including quite a big argument where she was insisting to her DH that the bride should get a veto on any wedding decision and was insisting that she got to choose the suits). We're not in the UK so Covid restrictions were different so around 100 people in attendance.

On the day, the band contacted the couple to say that there was some issue (it was illness related but not sure if it was Covid) and they couldn't be there. DH is a musician with an audio background - he spoke to the Groom offered to sing and play guitar for their first dance and a few other pieces. I also sometimes sing with DH (I'm not a professional singer) so I did some backing vocals for the songs. I thought it was quite nice and went quite well all things considered - it was also quite a lot of stress to try and sort out on the day of the wedding to go home and get kit and get things set up without anyone really being aware or missing any part of the day.

I've just been messaged by the Bride today to say that she's really hurt that I made "her day" all about me "by stealing the limelight". I also wore white shoes (with a navy dress) and she's said it was "totally inappropriate and really nasty". I feel like this is completely absurd - I only sang the backing vocals and, of course, all eyes would've been on her! I understand not wearing white to a wedding but I feel like it's just my shoes - am I wrong here?

Should I apologise just to keep the peace and prevent anything being awkward with DH and his best mate? Should I ignore entirely? Should I respond and defend myself? Or was I in the wrong and should I apologise?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
IntermittentParps · 07/06/2021 08:42

The groom arranged it, although it is unclear if he agreed to OP joining in to sing karaoke backing vocals.

Oooh, that's quite good shade Grin

Ale12 · 07/06/2021 08:47

I feel for the poor guy who just married that woman

altiara · 07/06/2021 08:49

I’d write back “Wow, thought you were going to say thank-you for making sure my wedding day didn’t go down the shitter”

IntermittentParps · 07/06/2021 08:52

“Wow, thought you were going to say thank-you for making sure my wedding day didn’t go down the shitter”
Grin

Monicuddle · 07/06/2021 08:59

I would reply to her “The performance was arranged between Jim and John. You’ll need to take it up with your new husband”.

You don’t need to drag your own partner into this insanity.

ElizabethTudor · 07/06/2021 09:01

@altiara

I’d write back “Wow, thought you were going to say thank-you for making sure my wedding day didn’t go down the shitter”
Brilliant!! 👏🏻
MintyMabel · 07/06/2021 09:05

Oooh, that's quite good shade

😆

MintyMabel · 07/06/2021 09:07

Any normal person would see it as 'saving the event's entertainment' rather than 'hi-jacking the event'.

That rather depends if it was any good.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 07/06/2021 09:11

I'm not sure if she knew. DH arranged it with the groom because they didn't want to stress her or worry her on her wedding day. The groom got the phone call so tried to sort it himself. The groom then told the bride (after the ceremony because they didn't see each other before) that the band couldn't make it but not to worry because he's sorted the music

OP - you did a lovely thing.

However, if I were the bride and had my heart set on a certain band which had been booked and which I was expecting, I would be a bit missed to find my fiancé had gone behind my back and asked his mate (& wife):to,fill and hadn’t even told me!

BlueDucky · 07/06/2021 09:14

Why was she spending the happiest day of her life looking at your shoes?

IntermittentParps · 07/06/2021 09:15

That rather depends if it was any good.

That's great shade too. Minty, I do applaud you.

Livelovebehappy · 07/06/2021 09:16

Just send an eye roll emoji. Then block.

jellybeansforbreakfast · 07/06/2021 09:17

Don't marry her, marry me - Beautiful South

Especially not the album version - Don't marry her, fuck me

@WeddingSingers all I can say is let your DH have a word with the groom. You know she is batshit, we all know she is. her new DH may be abe to cope with such histrionics bu that is his choice. Her pissing off his mates is probaby something he'll have to get used to.

DeclineandFall · 07/06/2021 09:25

Don't respond. That will piss her off more.
You can get your DH to have a word with his mate but men usually brush this stuff under the carpet. I suspect your DH's friendship is probably over now until the the other guy gets divorced. Seen it before more than a few times.
She is a twat.

ddl1 · 07/06/2021 09:30

To be fair if the bride did n’t know her husband had asked you to sing she might have thought you’d hi-jacked the event. It would n’t hurt to explain this to her.

Her husband should have explained it to her. If there was really so little communication between them about the wedding, I wouldn't hold out that much hope for the marriage.

She is being ridiculous anyway, not to mention very rude. If she didn't want any distraction from the wedding itself, why did she arrange for a band in the first place? I can't stand 'bridezillas' who think that the wedding is all about being the centre of attention on My Big Day (for starters, it is the couple's Big Day, not just the bride's!) and who think this justifies any amount of rudeness to others.

frumpety · 07/06/2021 09:38

I liked @Seesawmummadaw suggestion Grin

Honestly though, I wouldn't answer her message, nothing you say will make the slightest bit of difference whilst she is in the Wedding post mortem phase.

00100001 · 07/06/2021 09:44

@SmidgenofaPigeon

White shoes though? With a navy dress?

It’s besides the point but I’m just struggling to imagine that colour combo.

well, your lack of imagination is amazing :P

Here - i googled it for you ... HTH

AIBU to think we did a nice thing?!
AIBU to think we did a nice thing?!
AIBU to think we did a nice thing?!
MintyMabel · 07/06/2021 09:47

She sounds jealous.

Oh come on. You can't possibly know this.

That's great shade too. Minty, I do applaud you.

Grin

But it does matter. She said herself she isn't a professional singer. I can hold a tune, am a fairly decent singer, but in no world should I be on a stage singing backing vocals at a wedding. If she had been fantastic, the bride wouldn't have been complaining, presumably.

MissingInActon · 07/06/2021 09:51

[quote Waspsarearseholes]@Northernparent68 - don't you think the bride and groom would have discussed this rather large change of plans when the bride noticed the band wasn't singing at the wedding? I honestly can't imagine the bride wondering about this for two weeks yet not asking her husband about it.[/quote]
It sounds to me like the bride wasn't impressed with what he'd organised and the groom dealt with her displeasure by saying, 'They insisted, I couldn't stop them' or similar. For that reason alone, I would deal with this myself rather than batting it back to either your DH or hers.

I would say something like, 'It wasn't exactly my ideal day either, but we thought it would be awful if you had no music at all, which was the alternative. It sounds like you might have been happier if we hadn't bothered, so that's a shame.'

Then I would put it out of my head. I'm sure this is about her and him, not you.

Whyhello · 07/06/2021 09:52

She sounds totally bonkers. You did a kind thing, she should just have thanked you profusely and left it at that.

JosephineDeBeauharnais · 07/06/2021 09:53

@MintyMabel

She sounds jealous.

Oh come on. You can't possibly know this.

That's great shade too. Minty, I do applaud you.

Grin

But it does matter. She said herself she isn't a professional singer. I can hold a tune, am a fairly decent singer, but in no world should I be on a stage singing backing vocals at a wedding. If she had been fantastic, the bride wouldn't have been complaining, presumably.

For sure if OP had been rubbish the bridezilla would have delighted in saying that. As she didn’t mention the quality of the performance, I’m assuming it was at least good enough.
RealhousewifeofStoke · 07/06/2021 09:57

I give this union 18 months Wink

OP of course you did a nice thing. I wouldn’t be able to resist firing back a ‘Did you mean to be so rude?’ text.

mam0918 · 07/06/2021 10:00

Where the shoes like thigh high white kink boots?
Or just like cream strappy sandles?

I never understand why people obsess on other peoples shoes, I rarely ever notice whats on someones feet and I look at the ground alot as I walk but when talking/interacting I look at the persons face so their shoes never really come into it.

You said she was Bridezilla so I guess her irrational attitude is expected though... I would just ignore it, like a toddler temper tantrum.

DrSbaitso · 07/06/2021 10:10

I can't understand why she would have been angry at you and not your husband, if she didn't like the idea of guests doing the music. Or maybe she would have preferred no music at all.

What songs did you perform? Piss Up A Rope by Ween might have been appropriate.

Muchmorethan · 07/06/2021 10:14

@Immunetypegoblin

Maybe text back "I'm very sorry if we upset you - it was absolutely not our intention to steal any focus whatsoever, we just wanted to help with the music. Honestly, we thought we were helping you out. I'm really sorry that this has caused stress though. I hope you had a good honeymoon. Speak soon, OP"

Hopefully that strikes the right line between standing your ground for common sense and soothing her feelings.

I wouldn't send anything resembling that! It basically means you're accepting you did wrong
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