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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think we did a nice thing?!

503 replies

WeddingSingers · 06/06/2021 20:08

NC because this is very outing.

About two weeks ago, DH and I attended a wedding where DH was the Best Man. The bride went a little bit "bridezilla" in the build-up to the wedding - including quite a big argument where she was insisting to her DH that the bride should get a veto on any wedding decision and was insisting that she got to choose the suits). We're not in the UK so Covid restrictions were different so around 100 people in attendance.

On the day, the band contacted the couple to say that there was some issue (it was illness related but not sure if it was Covid) and they couldn't be there. DH is a musician with an audio background - he spoke to the Groom offered to sing and play guitar for their first dance and a few other pieces. I also sometimes sing with DH (I'm not a professional singer) so I did some backing vocals for the songs. I thought it was quite nice and went quite well all things considered - it was also quite a lot of stress to try and sort out on the day of the wedding to go home and get kit and get things set up without anyone really being aware or missing any part of the day.

I've just been messaged by the Bride today to say that she's really hurt that I made "her day" all about me "by stealing the limelight". I also wore white shoes (with a navy dress) and she's said it was "totally inappropriate and really nasty". I feel like this is completely absurd - I only sang the backing vocals and, of course, all eyes would've been on her! I understand not wearing white to a wedding but I feel like it's just my shoes - am I wrong here?

Should I apologise just to keep the peace and prevent anything being awkward with DH and his best mate? Should I ignore entirely? Should I respond and defend myself? Or was I in the wrong and should I apologise?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Stoic123 · 06/06/2021 23:07

With MaybeCrazy and Zaane on this one- a quick 'I'm sorry (you feel like this)" and then block/avoid forever.

Wouldn't be bothered enough to try to get the last word in....and would make darn sure I couldn't be caught up in any drama of their making in future.

Cut and run.

ladygoingGaga · 06/06/2021 23:07

Like many others have said she is clearly not worth wasting energy on.
She either doesn’t realise she is being totally unreasonable and is Narcissist
Or
She knows and thrives on the drama and shit she stirs up by ridiculous behaviour

Either way a reply feeds the beast and drags it all out longer.

Ignore ignore ignore and stay in control or risk getting dragged into her world.

Childrenofthestones · 06/06/2021 23:09

Can you imagine the life of abuse he has just signed up to?

Seesawmummadaw · 06/06/2021 23:16

Reply to say that you are available for christenings, birthdays and funerals too.

Zzelda · 06/06/2021 23:21

Don't apologise. Say that you were simply helping out when asked and obviously it wasn't in any way about you.

ArcheryAnnie · 06/06/2021 23:26

@Ifimight

The only words out of her mouth should have been "thank you".
This. This is all that needs saying.
ZenNudist · 06/06/2021 23:27

Ignore her and get dh to speak to mate

Cushionsnotpillows · 06/06/2021 23:30

The fact she says "her" day rather than "their" day tells you ALL you need to know about this madzilla.

Do NOT apologise.

I would have to reply pointing out her groom asked you to step in at the shortest possible notice to have at least some music on the day. Or a cutting "you're welcome" and leave it at that.

NewlyGranny · 06/06/2021 23:35

Actually, scrub what I suggested earlier - Cart has the best response of all -

"Are you on glue?"

Xoxoxoxoxoxox · 06/06/2021 23:37

I'm sorry that my shoes outshone your dress.
I'm sorry we played music, obviously it would have been better to mark your union with a minutes silence-like we do for a national tragedy.

Hugoslavia · 06/06/2021 23:41

I would proffer the standard,

"I'm sorry that you feel that way. As you appreciate, you were let down by your band at very short notice and your husband asked my husband to help out. He in turn asked me to assist. Tbh, we both found it very stressful having to organise the music rather than simply enjoy being guests. To be criticized so roundly for performing, what we saw as a favour, stings. We both did our upmost to make your wedding as special as possible. I am sorry that you did not approve of my shoe/dress combination. I took care to dress appropriately for your wedding.

3Britnee · 06/06/2021 23:43

@WeddingSingers

NC because this is very outing.

About two weeks ago, DH and I attended a wedding where DH was the Best Man. The bride went a little bit "bridezilla" in the build-up to the wedding - including quite a big argument where she was insisting to her DH that the bride should get a veto on any wedding decision and was insisting that she got to choose the suits). We're not in the UK so Covid restrictions were different so around 100 people in attendance.

On the day, the band contacted the couple to say that there was some issue (it was illness related but not sure if it was Covid) and they couldn't be there. DH is a musician with an audio background - he spoke to the Groom offered to sing and play guitar for their first dance and a few other pieces. I also sometimes sing with DH (I'm not a professional singer) so I did some backing vocals for the songs. I thought it was quite nice and went quite well all things considered - it was also quite a lot of stress to try and sort out on the day of the wedding to go home and get kit and get things set up without anyone really being aware or missing any part of the day.

I've just been messaged by the Bride today to say that she's really hurt that I made "her day" all about me "by stealing the limelight". I also wore white shoes (with a navy dress) and she's said it was "totally inappropriate and really nasty". I feel like this is completely absurd - I only sang the backing vocals and, of course, all eyes would've been on her! I understand not wearing white to a wedding but I feel like it's just my shoes - am I wrong here?

Should I apologise just to keep the peace and prevent anything being awkward with DH and his best mate? Should I ignore entirely? Should I respond and defend myself? Or was I in the wrong and should I apologise?

I'd tell her to go fuck herself.
MzHz · 06/06/2021 23:43

@legalseagull

Just reply 'wow' and never speak to her again. She's batshit.
Absolutely this.
MzHz · 06/06/2021 23:45

I thought the text back “oh do fuck off” was my first thought.

FatThor · 06/06/2021 23:46

Haha what?!

I would set up a WhatsApp or messenger group with you, her and both husbands, post a screenshot of her message in there and add a mild, neutral message about how you were trying to help out. No apologies though! Let her insanity speak for itself

Guavafish · 06/06/2021 23:47

Wow she is crazy! Just ignore it all

CookieMonsterMunch · 06/06/2021 23:47

She sounds like a complete nightmare. Do not even engage with crazy there’s no point. Block her and Just run for the hills! Show your DH and let him tell her DH what’s been said so he’ll understand why there’ll be no further double dates or phone contact!

CookieMonsterMunch · 06/06/2021 23:49

Or the ‘wow’ comment as PPs suggest but make sure you block on phone and social media and WhatsApp immediately to not get caught up in the forthcoming bridezilla rage

PixieDust28 · 06/06/2021 23:51

Wow, she should be thanking you not telling you, you stole her attention. What a weirdo.

Poor sod is legally tied to this woman now.

FijiCavanaugh · 06/06/2021 23:52

Agree with letting DH deal with it since its his friendship.

neveradullmoment99 · 07/06/2021 00:00

She sounds insecure and jealous.
Do not apologise.
I would ignore.

Birminghambloke · 07/06/2021 00:06

Definitely let DH know. He can speak to his BF. Ignore her. You don’t want to engage with that nonsense. If you do reply, just say the message is so unexpected, you don’t know how to respond and your only intention was to help out, as DH arranged with her fiancé at the time. Definitely don’t apologise.

eattolive · 07/06/2021 00:07

The only thing I can think of is, did your dh tell the groom you were going to be singing as well? Perhaps he told his bride that your dh was going to sing and play, but didn’t mention you, so she thinks you had decided to step in and steal the spotlight? Still totally batshit behaviour though.

londonscalling · 07/06/2021 00:07

Wouldn't it be great if you could send a message simply saying "oh f**k off".

GroggyLegs · 07/06/2021 00:12

@SleepingLikeALog

I would get your DH to forward the message to the groom along with a brief message along the lines of "I'm not sure how to reply to this." Then let the groom sort her out.
Yep, this.

Although I'd take it as a compliment - people must have commented how much they liked your performance for her to think you were stealing her limelight!