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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think we did a nice thing?!

503 replies

WeddingSingers · 06/06/2021 20:08

NC because this is very outing.

About two weeks ago, DH and I attended a wedding where DH was the Best Man. The bride went a little bit "bridezilla" in the build-up to the wedding - including quite a big argument where she was insisting to her DH that the bride should get a veto on any wedding decision and was insisting that she got to choose the suits). We're not in the UK so Covid restrictions were different so around 100 people in attendance.

On the day, the band contacted the couple to say that there was some issue (it was illness related but not sure if it was Covid) and they couldn't be there. DH is a musician with an audio background - he spoke to the Groom offered to sing and play guitar for their first dance and a few other pieces. I also sometimes sing with DH (I'm not a professional singer) so I did some backing vocals for the songs. I thought it was quite nice and went quite well all things considered - it was also quite a lot of stress to try and sort out on the day of the wedding to go home and get kit and get things set up without anyone really being aware or missing any part of the day.

I've just been messaged by the Bride today to say that she's really hurt that I made "her day" all about me "by stealing the limelight". I also wore white shoes (with a navy dress) and she's said it was "totally inappropriate and really nasty". I feel like this is completely absurd - I only sang the backing vocals and, of course, all eyes would've been on her! I understand not wearing white to a wedding but I feel like it's just my shoes - am I wrong here?

Should I apologise just to keep the peace and prevent anything being awkward with DH and his best mate? Should I ignore entirely? Should I respond and defend myself? Or was I in the wrong and should I apologise?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
DrSbaitso · 07/06/2021 17:55

I really question how well many of the people here would take it if it were their wedding.

Well I'd lose my shit if the band cancelled on the day, definitely. If a couple of musical guests then played a few songs so I still had some music, I'd be very glad of that, even if I was disappointed that I hadn't had a full band. If I were inclined to ascribe all the worst possible motivations and thought processes to them, I shouldn't have invited them in the first place.

OVienna · 07/06/2021 17:56

@SleepingLikeALog

I would get your DH to forward the message to the groom along with a brief message along the lines of "I'm not sure how to reply to this." Then let the groom sort her out.
This
chaosmaker · 07/06/2021 18:04

You did do a nice thing and I would have laughed at her.

wiccamum · 07/06/2021 18:05

You and your DH did a nice thing op. Agree with PPs, she seems a little off! Maybe she’s annoyed at it all happening so last minute and getting caught unawares, no need to behave like that towards you. We had a few disasters at our wedding (missing flowers and cars going to the wrong place). Talented and kind friends pulled together to make it work and for that I was grateful. A bit stressed at the time...but bloody grateful.

MollyMinniesMum · 07/06/2021 18:10

Total CF alert!!!

I think your DHs friend should run a mile tbh

Tinkerbell1980 · 07/06/2021 18:12

What a knob!!
Reply - 'I'm very sorry for going out of our way to make arrangements to help out when your musicians let you down, I'll know in future not to waste our time and inconvenience ourselves'

BlueButtercups · 07/06/2021 18:13

I hope the Groom/Husband makes it clear that HE asked you to Sing.

What a clueless woman she is OP.

I feel bad for you. 🌸

Inwiththenew · 07/06/2021 18:14

I wouldn’t apologise, I’d just state the facts that her husband sorted it out. And then make sure the husband knows what a twat she’s being about it.

gerryk62 · 07/06/2021 18:17

Omg what a stupid woman she is

Aria999 · 07/06/2021 18:17

OP, are you very pretty? More than her?

Coffeemaniac · 07/06/2021 18:18

If someone kindly helped me out a my wedding I would be overjoyed and grateful ! How rude of her! As a singer myself I know what goes in to these performances! Well done you!

lastcall · 07/06/2021 18:18

Bride is beyond ridiculous. Bridezilla in action. Imagine being that self-absorbed and insecure.

I can only hope she sees herself in this story and is ashamed of herself when it's picked up by the media.

Yuppie20 · 07/06/2021 18:21

Being that it's your husbands best mate I wouldn't cause such a fuss no matter how wrong she is.
I'd just reply 'sorry we upset you, we had x amount of hours to put something together so you didn't have to go without music on your wedding day. No good deed goes unpunished aye '
Smile

applespearslemons · 07/06/2021 18:25

I'd text back.... wow sorry, was my singing SO bad that it ruined your day?

MidsummerMimi · 07/06/2021 18:25

People like this dreadful woman need to feel the consequences of their actions.
I would contact all the other guests from the wedding, tell them exactly what happened and innocently ask for their advice.
I would explain the whole situation with photos as well on your social media, going into good detail about her reaction. I certainly would not hold back on giving identifying information.
It is your experience and you are entitled to share it.
You also have the absolute right to say how upset and hurt you feel.
Remember bullies like this bride operate on the assumption that others keep silent and don’t make a scene.

IAmDaveTheSerialShagger · 07/06/2021 18:26

@Dogscanteatonions

Unless they were these shoes she's batshit.
These shoes are fabulous?!
IAmDaveTheSerialShagger · 07/06/2021 18:27

Are you Beyonce by any chance?

bellocchild · 07/06/2021 18:27

You could simply reply that it was a pleasure to be able to help her out, and she must think nothing of it....

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 07/06/2021 18:30

@RaspberryCoulis

I would cringe myself inside out and back to front if my wedding guests did that.

Bit like that scene in Four Weddings with the hippies and the tambourine.

Me too - would rather have Spotify!
DrSbaitso · 07/06/2021 18:32

I would contact all the other guests from the wedding, tell them exactly what happened and innocently ask for their advice. I would explain the whole situation with photos as well on your social media, going into good detail about her reaction. I certainly would not hold back on giving identifying information.

Do this only if you want to be seen as an even bigger loon than the bride and make everyone think she must have been right.

Lindylindyloo · 07/06/2021 18:33

A short message saying you were asked by the groom and sorry if that upset her. Then drop her! Be good to keep the peace as it involves DH best friend. It must have been very upsetting to get that message.

jillb55 · 07/06/2021 18:37

She is being ridiculous. Well done you for helping out.

BlueButtercups · 07/06/2021 18:38

RaspberryCoulis
I would cringe myself inside out and back to front if my wedding guests did that.

Bit like that scene in Four Weddings with the hippies and the tambourine.

Me too - would rather have Spotify!

Some people prefer live music.

Elle2018 · 07/06/2021 18:47

@SleepingLikeALog

I would get your DH to forward the message to the groom along with a brief message along the lines of "I'm not sure how to reply to this." Then let the groom sort her out.
This! Don’t get involved directly and let her unfortunate husband deal with her craziness
Nanalisa60 · 07/06/2021 18:48

What a ungrateful cow!! I would forward the message to her new Dh. Let him deal with her