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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think we did a nice thing?!

503 replies

WeddingSingers · 06/06/2021 20:08

NC because this is very outing.

About two weeks ago, DH and I attended a wedding where DH was the Best Man. The bride went a little bit "bridezilla" in the build-up to the wedding - including quite a big argument where she was insisting to her DH that the bride should get a veto on any wedding decision and was insisting that she got to choose the suits). We're not in the UK so Covid restrictions were different so around 100 people in attendance.

On the day, the band contacted the couple to say that there was some issue (it was illness related but not sure if it was Covid) and they couldn't be there. DH is a musician with an audio background - he spoke to the Groom offered to sing and play guitar for their first dance and a few other pieces. I also sometimes sing with DH (I'm not a professional singer) so I did some backing vocals for the songs. I thought it was quite nice and went quite well all things considered - it was also quite a lot of stress to try and sort out on the day of the wedding to go home and get kit and get things set up without anyone really being aware or missing any part of the day.

I've just been messaged by the Bride today to say that she's really hurt that I made "her day" all about me "by stealing the limelight". I also wore white shoes (with a navy dress) and she's said it was "totally inappropriate and really nasty". I feel like this is completely absurd - I only sang the backing vocals and, of course, all eyes would've been on her! I understand not wearing white to a wedding but I feel like it's just my shoes - am I wrong here?

Should I apologise just to keep the peace and prevent anything being awkward with DH and his best mate? Should I ignore entirely? Should I respond and defend myself? Or was I in the wrong and should I apologise?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
HarebrightCedarmoon · 07/06/2021 12:23

I wouldn't text back, I'd phone her and tell her exactly what I thought of her text.

frumpety · 07/06/2021 12:29

Why do I keep thinking of this ? Wink

frumpety · 07/06/2021 12:31

Damn pipped to the post by MissinginActon

PommePoire · 07/06/2021 12:39

One of many examples of a 'navy dress' worn 'with white shoes' found by using words in inverted commas as search terms

OP Bride's message was totally unjustified, you and your DH did do a nice thing.

AIBU to think we did a nice thing?!
TonTonMacoute · 07/06/2021 12:58

Blimey, I feel sorry for her new husband! She sounds like very hard work indeed.

RaspberryCoulis · 07/06/2021 13:04

I would cringe myself inside out and back to front if my wedding guests did that.

Bit like that scene in Four Weddings with the hippies and the tambourine.

MintyMabel · 07/06/2021 13:08

For sure if OP had been rubbish the bridezilla would have delighted in saying that. As she didn’t mention the quality of the performance, I’m assuming it was at least good enough.

Not very much evidence that she was actually bridezilla except for wanting to choose her groom’s suit.

DrSbaitso · 07/06/2021 13:21

@RaspberryCoulis

I would cringe myself inside out and back to front if my wedding guests did that.

Bit like that scene in Four Weddings with the hippies and the tambourine.

What would you do if you had been left with no music at all?
RaspberryCoulis · 07/06/2021 13:29

Impossible to be "left with no music at all" when every guest has a smartphone.

Much preferable to have your favourite track played through the speakers from your phone than your well-meaning pal and his missus thinking they're on the X-factor.

diddl · 07/06/2021 13:32

Did the groom ask or did Op's husband offer?

DrSbaitso · 07/06/2021 13:35

@RaspberryCoulis

Impossible to be "left with no music at all" when every guest has a smartphone.

Much preferable to have your favourite track played through the speakers from your phone than your well-meaning pal and his missus thinking they're on the X-factor.

Assuming you have the necessary sound equipment and someone who knows how to use it.

And someone willing to act as DJ. Would that be acceptable?

In fact, why does anyone ever hire a professional band or DJ for their wedding when all anyone needs is a smartphone?

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 07/06/2021 13:38

@RaspberryCoulis

Impossible to be "left with no music at all" when every guest has a smartphone.

Much preferable to have your favourite track played through the speakers from your phone than your well-meaning pal and his missus thinking they're on the X-factor.

Bloody hell. Who on earth wants tinny music played through a bloody iphone at their wedding! I've been to some pretty rough and ready weddings but that would be bloody awful.
RaspberryCoulis · 07/06/2021 13:39

Whatever. I have been to weddings with live music, and weddings where the couple has put together a playlist on a phone/tablet. Both fine.

Personally, I could not imagine anything worse than firstly being let down by a band, and then secondly a guest and his "non-professional" partner getting up and doing the whole LOOK AT ME performance bit.

You're all assuming OP and her DH were actually OK. They might have been absolutely dire.

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 07/06/2021 13:48

@RaspberryCoulis Well if you wouldn't like one of your guests to step in (and by the sound of it it was just a few songs anyway) then your groom should politely turn down the offer shouldn't he?

If my husband agreed to have a bagpipe quartet seronade us at the alter I wouldn't love it but I would moan to my husband not the blody bagpipers.

DrSbaitso · 07/06/2021 13:49

@RaspberryCoulis

Whatever. I have been to weddings with live music, and weddings where the couple has put together a playlist on a phone/tablet. Both fine.

Personally, I could not imagine anything worse than firstly being let down by a band, and then secondly a guest and his "non-professional" partner getting up and doing the whole LOOK AT ME performance bit.

You're all assuming OP and her DH were actually OK. They might have been absolutely dire.

Yes but they would have known and planned for doing their music that way and got the equipment and playlist etc sorted ahead of time. And also, forgive me, but I've also been to weddings like that and while they were great dos, the music was really not as good as if there had been a DJ mixing properly.

People hire professionals for a reason!

The husband is a musician with a background in audio, so I'm assuming he's passable at least. If they had been terrible, or if OP's backing vocals had been so bad they ruined the whole thing, I'm sure Bridezilla would have said so. As it was, she was complaining about shoes and didn't seem to have a problem with the guitarist and lead singer. Backing vocals (or indeed lead vocals) are also not usually difficult for the kind of songs a singer-guitarist tends to have on the repertoire.

It's quite some thought process when a band pulls out of a function on the day, a musical couple step in with an instrument and singing, and the response is to criticise them for doing "the whole LOOK AT ME performance bit". It seems kind of spiteful.

Pieceofpurplesky · 07/06/2021 13:52

From your OP your DP offered - maybe the groom didn't want to say yes but didn't want to offend. Then up popped you as well. It was a bit pushy and I may have been pissed off too. You thought it was 'quite nice' maybe it was cringey?

She has no right to speak to you like that but maybe neither she or the groom wanted it forced upon them!

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 07/06/2021 13:53

Ok I've worn white & cream shoes to several summer weddings! White dress, no. White heeled sandals with say, a floral summer dress...fine. white shoes with a navy dress, also fine. Unless the dress was like backless, bum length, skin tight or otherwise extremely revealing and eye catching at a wedding, no problem.

DrSbaitso · 07/06/2021 13:53

maybe the groom didn't want to say yes but didn't want to offend

Well that's his fault, then!

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 07/06/2021 14:00

@DrSbaitso

maybe the groom didn't want to say yes but didn't want to offend

Well that's his fault, then!

Exactly.
MadMadMadamMim · 07/06/2021 14:06

@RaspberryCoulis

Whatever. I have been to weddings with live music, and weddings where the couple has put together a playlist on a phone/tablet. Both fine.

Personally, I could not imagine anything worse than firstly being let down by a band, and then secondly a guest and his "non-professional" partner getting up and doing the whole LOOK AT ME performance bit.

You're all assuming OP and her DH were actually OK. They might have been absolutely dire.

Are you the bride?
BlueDucky · 07/06/2021 14:07

@Pieceofpurplesky

From your OP your DP offered - maybe the groom didn't want to say yes but didn't want to offend. Then up popped you as well. It was a bit pushy and I may have been pissed off too. You thought it was 'quite nice' maybe it was cringey?

She has no right to speak to you like that but maybe neither she or the groom wanted it forced upon them!

Why did the Groom not say no then? If that is the case it's his fault for not being firm and insisting they don't sing.
RaspberryCoulis · 07/06/2021 14:09

No I'm not the bride - i've been married more than 20 years. Grin

But the OP clearly thinks she did a "nice thing". That's subjective. The bride clearly thinks she did an attention-seeking thing. We have no idea what the rest of the guests thought.

But come on. We've all seen enough performances by "not professional" musicians to know that many of them are crap. So why the automatic assumption that the OP and her DH were amazing and saved the day?

DrSbaitso · 07/06/2021 14:10

"Mate, I'm sorry your band has pulled out on the day. If you like, my wife and I could get up with my guitar and do a few songs for you?"

"Thanks mate, it's ok. I'll set up my smartphone."

Job done, if that's what you'd prefer. Why it would be what anyone prefers, I've no idea, but it's easy enough to do if that's what you want.

IntermittentParps · 07/06/2021 14:12

Much preferable to have your favourite track played through the speakers from your phone than your well-meaning pal and his missus thinking they're on the X-factor.

'well-meaning'? Hmm The OP's DH is a musician.

a guest and his "non-professional" partner getting up and doing the whole LOOK AT ME performance bit.
Who says they did a 'LOOK AT ME performance bit'?

You're all assuming OP and her DH were actually OK. They might have been absolutely dire.
I've said this, but maybe it bears repeating: the bride is obviously one of nature's complainers. But she complained about the OP 'stealing the limelight' and wearing white shoes. Not about the standard of the music and singing. Which suggests something other than what you suggest, does it not?

BlueDucky · 07/06/2021 14:14

They might have been rubbish but they wouldn't have been stealing the limelight if they were. And the husband is the one who agreed they could do it.