AIBU to think we did a nice thing?!

[WeddingSingers]

NC because this is very outing.

About two weeks ago, DH and I attended a wedding where DH was the Best Man. The bride went a little bit "bridezilla" in the build-up to the wedding - including quite a big argument where she was insisting to her DH that the bride should get a veto on any wedding decision and was insisting that she got to choose the suits). We're not in the UK so Covid restrictions were different so around 100 people in attendance.

On the day, the band contacted the couple to say that there was some issue (it was illness related but not sure if it was Covid) and they couldn't be there. DH is a musician with an audio background - he spoke to the Groom offered to sing and play guitar for their first dance and a few other pieces. I also sometimes sing with DH (I'm not a professional singer) so I did some backing vocals for the songs. I thought it was quite nice and went quite well all things considered - it was also quite a lot of stress to try and sort out on the day of the wedding to go home and get kit and get things set up without anyone really being aware or missing any part of the day.

I've just been messaged by the Bride today to say that she's really hurt that I made "her day" all about me "by stealing the limelight". I also wore white shoes (with a navy dress) and she's said it was "totally inappropriate and really nasty". I feel like this is completely absurd - I only sang the backing vocals and, of course, all eyes would've been on her! I understand not wearing white to a wedding but I feel like it's just my shoes - am I wrong here?

Should I apologise just to keep the peace and prevent anything being awkward with DH and his best mate? Should I ignore entirely? Should I respond and defend myself? Or was I in the wrong and should I apologise?

Any sign of OP?

She is ridiculous. I would ignore - don't get pulled into her craziness

Ignore ignore ignore

Oh and I agree with those who say you should ignore. No response is a powerful response and what the hell are you meant to say to that. I wouldn't even trouble the groom with it. If she's that pissed off, she'll trouble him about it. I foresee a life of trouble for the poor guy.

@Immunetypegoblin

Maybe text back "I'm very sorry if we upset you - it was absolutely not our intention to steal any focus whatsoever, we just wanted to help with the music. Honestly, we thought we were helping you out. I'm really sorry that this has caused stress though. I hope you had a good honeymoon. Speak soon, OP"

Hopefully that strikes the right line between standing your ground for common sense and soothing her feelings.

No that doesn’t strike the right balance.

Maybe say ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you’d prefer to have a wedding without any music.’

I'd reply with a thumbs up emoji.

Don't send back an apology, you have nothing to be sorry for.

Either ignore her and forget about it. Or reply pulling her up on her awful behaviour.

@JewelGarden

I'd reply with a thumbs up emoji.

That's actually a great idea.

I'd get DH to deal with his mate, but would struggle not to respond with 'We thought we were doing you a favour by filling in at the last minute for the band that left you high and dry without music at your wedding'.

@DrSbaitso

I can't understand why she would have been angry at you and not your husband, if she didn't like the idea of guests doing the music. Or maybe she would have preferred no music at all.

What songs did you perform? Piss Up A Rope by Ween might have been appropriate.

She is being very irrational, especially about the shoes, but....I assume there was a DJ as well, she could have been given the choice of whether to just have the DJ or for the best man and wife to perform It was her wedding after all.

But that doesn't explain why the man with a guitar and singing was OK, but the woman doing backing vocals wasn't?

Presumably if OP was so bad she ruined the performance, Bridezilla would have said so?

Any update, OP?

No good deed goes unpunished!

@Xoxoxoxoxoxox

I'm sorry that my shoes outshone your dress. I'm sorry we played music, obviously it would have been better to mark your union with a minutes silence-like we do for a national tragedy.

Just brilliant

What a horrible woman. I wouldn't bother with a clever reply and I wouldn't be able to say nothing. I would send back something like this.

"When we

"Your husband asked us to help. It wasn't convenient or straightforward for us to organise the music at short notice but we wanted you to have a stress-free day so we didn't hesitate to do what we could. When I saw your name flash up on my phone I assumed you were messaging to say thank you. To say I am hurt and confused by this message is a massive understatement. Unless you are getting in touch to apologise I really do not want to hear from you again."

I would definitely do what previous posters have suggested and bat this to DH to deal with. Presumably he is close to the Groom if he was his best man and it would be a shame for her ridiculous behaviour to affect their relationship.

As a side note, I couldn't even tell you what shoes the guests at my wedding wore, or the band! I was too busy having fun.

I wouldn't apologise, I'd not even dignify her with a response. The groom asked for your DH to step in, you both did, if anything she should be talking to her husband about it. Just ignore her, and don't offer to help them again.

But it does matter. She said herself she isn't a professional singer. I can hold a tune, am a fairly decent singer, but in no world should I be on a stage singing backing vocals at a wedding. If she had been fantastic, the bride wouldn't have been complaining, presumably.
The bride complained about the OP 'stealing the limelight' and wearing white shoes . Even she in Bridezilla/bitch mode didn't complain about the singing.
And the OP says she 'sometimes sings' with her DH, who is a pro, so I'm assuming she can more than hold a tune.
Which TBH is more than I can say for some wedding bands I've experienced.

She is being very irrational, especially about the shoes, but....I assume there was a DJ as well, she could have been given the choice of whether to just have the DJ or for the best man and wife to perform It was her wedding after all.

I think this is true actually. Especially given that you all knew she wanted to exercise complete control over what her wedding comprised.

She has been rude and unpleasant, of course, and yes, you did try to do something nice, but I think it was mad of the groom to think she wouldn't want to be consulted and a bit daft of you and your DH to go along with his plan without recognising that.

Am I the only one who can't get out of my head now?

DH arranged it with the groom because they didn't want to stress her or worry her on her wedding day. The groom got the phone call so tried to sort it himself. The groom then told the bride (after the ceremony because they didn't see each other before)

Originally I thought the bride was batshit, but this does change things a bit for me. You weren't being unreasonable (especially re: the shoes!), but the groom definitely was. She's directing the anger that she should direct at him, at you in because you're an easier target.

They have just entered a binding legal partnership and the wedding party was obviously important to her. Why on earth couldn't the groom call/text his fiancee and agree between them what the best solution would be?

Tackling the problem as a pair help would set the tone of the marriage. Instead he just presented her with a fait accompli, she was given no choice in the matter. She might have been happy for your DH to play, but she might equally have preferred to just stick on some CDs or get a friend to DJ.

It's not your fault that the groom blindsided her, so don't apologise. If she wasn't happy with the solution he arranged, she should take it up with him.

Tbh, there is nothing I hate more than decisions being taken out of my hands on the basis that someone 'didn't want to worry me' or 'didn't want to stress me'. Personally, I like to be given the agency to choose.

For what it's worth, I have a beautiful pair of patent white shoes that I've worn to several weddings (with different outfits). Never had anyone complain that they were inappropriate!

They are smart shoes that will go with a lot of different colour combinations, which makes them very versatile.

@Yellowhighheels

SmidgenofaPigeon

White shoes though? With a navy dress?

It’s besides the point but I’m just struggling to imagine that colour combo.

I see navy and white as a very classic combination.

So do I.

Perhaps with a splash of red to lift the outfit.

@MissingInActon

She is being very irrational, especially about the shoes, but....I assume there was a DJ as well, she could have been given the choice of whether to just have the DJ or for the best man and wife to perform It was her wedding after all.

I think this is true actually. Especially given that you all knew she wanted to exercise complete control over what her wedding comprised.

She has been rude and unpleasant, of course, and yes, you did try to do something nice, but I think it was mad of the groom to think she wouldn't want to be consulted and a bit daft of you and your DH to go along with his plan without recognising that.

Am I the only one who can't get out of my head now?

Superb clip!

(I luffs Simon Callow. Why are so many of the "best" blokes gay?)

She'd be told to fuck right off for being an ungrateful bitch.