Brace yourselves

[Husbandno1]

NC as this may be a controversial topic....

My wife and I are having a ‘lively discussion’ about breastfeeding. There appears to be mixed evidence online. So we thought we would ask this community and see what others thought.
What age do most people stop breastfeeding their child at?
(I have suggested a year btw)
YABU - a year is way too early, children need that boob for ages to come!
YANBU - we/I stopped breastfeeding my child at a year (or under)

For as long as mother and child are happy to carry on. The WHO recommends two years but suggests there continue to be nutritional and emotional benefits beyond this age.

Research suggests natural term weaning is anywhere between 2-6 years. Personally I wouldn't want to feed a child older than say 3, but that's because I feel like women make enough physical sacrifices and 3 is plenty old enough to teach a multitude of emotional regulation techniques to and they should have a pretty balanced diet by that age.

If I saw someone BFing an older child I'd think 'good on her' for carrying on because it's a bloody hard slog and can be incredibly lonely.

The simplest way to look at it; if your give that child a cup or bottle of cows milk they are still young enough to be breastfed. Why give the milk of another mammal when a human mother's milk is biologically tailored to that child's needs?

I stopped one at 4 months
One at 6 months
One at 2 years

They were all right.
Let your wife do what she wants.

I kept breastfeeding dc in the evenings beyond 3 years old.
I voted YABU, but really neither of the options were right... 1 year is not "way too early" if that's when the mother wants/needs to stop. But if mum and baby are happy to continue beyond 1 year, it is absolutely fine and normal and there are still benefits.

Most women do not breastfeed as long as a year, but in fact many women stop before they would ideally like to because the support for breastfeeding is not great, and because breastfeeding can be very difficult in the early months.

Ironically enough, I found getting breast feeding established very difficult (ie the early months when a lot of people will tell women that they "must" breastfeed). Then the point at which breastfeeding became really easy, was when people started to think I should stop!

Ultimately though, it is entirely your wife's decision. If SHE wants to stop at 1 year, that's fine and normal. If SHE wants to continue, that is also fine and normal.
It is not something you should be having "lively discussions" about with her. Support her decision.

If you're wondering when is biologically best to stop - it's natural term weaning (any time between 2 and 5).

That said, each woman can decide how long she wants to do it for, there are no wrong answers - her breasts, her choice.

It is certainly NOT up to anyone else to choose for her, whether that's her partner, husband, wife, parents or random person on the street.

Extended breastfeeding is good for the child assuming it's not upsetting the mother.

@stabinthedark0

I stopped one at 4 months One at 6 months One at 2 years

They were all right.
Let your wife do what she wants.

This!

When either mum or baby is done is time to stop. If that's beyond a year then that's great, lovely bonding time and still some health benefits for both of them. If mum wants her boobs back earlier, then they're her boobs so she gets to decide.

@Husbandno1 I have taken your post to be fact finding and simply asking others how long they have fed for-if that's the case and it's genuine interest rather than to 'prove' to your wife you're right as such then I am still currently feeling my 3year old and am happy doing so. If your wife wants to stop soon that's her choice, as is it her choice to feed for much longer (but I'm sure you've got that message from the many previous posts lol)

Well I breastfed my children for well over a year: in fact, one of them for well over 2 years.

But WE?! No, I did it all. And I stopped when I was ready to.

I think you’re getting a hard time but you’ve approached a sensitive topic really vaguely. I certainly had many conversations with my Dh about breastfeeding our children as he was very supportive and sometimes I couldn’t have carried on without him cheering me on and equally encouraging me to do what was best for me AND our children if I wanted to stop. It was ultimately my (and my children’s) decision as to when to stop but my husband was part of the process as he enabled it in lots of ways by dealing with the younger kids for instance while I was feeding at bed time. I understand why you are asking but just be supportive and allow the mother of your children to decide with your help. Mine were 16 months, then almost 2 and then my twins were about 7ish months on the actual boob but they were 13.5 months when I stopped expressing my milk for them. Hope you can support your wife.

11vmonths and 10 months.
I really wanted to not get breast cancer and i knew that breastfeeding lowered the chances. Both my gm and an aunt on both sides died of bc

In answer to your question one stopped at 2 years the other at 3 years.

Yabu because it's neither our business nor yours how long your wife intends (or is able) to breastfeed.

Whenever it’s the right time for mum and baby, in that order in my mind. If that’s 4 weeks fine, if that’s 4 years also fine.

Not your choice at at all but the WHO recommends breastfeeding until 2 years and beyond

5 DC. BF 2 of them past a year (one naturally weaned at 15 months, the other one probably wouldn’t have naturally weaned but I was about to give birth and didn’t want to tandem feed so weaned him at 20 months). BF the other two till 6 months then switched to follow on milk, I just didn’t enjoy BFing anymore at all and was quite depressed. My youngest is 10 months old and I want to stop when he turns one, I gain weight when I breastfeed.

It's up to the mum. Whatever she can cope with.
And the baby might not take to it in the first place.

18 months and 26 months (when both children stopped naturally).

there's no right or wrong time to stop.

also I think it's a bit naive to decide to bf for x amount of time as a goal - there's no target to hit, it's not a competition and some people just become miserable when it doesn't work but they feel they "should" do it for longer.

I had 7 kids and each time there were different challenges & circumstances so I did a different thing each time.
4 of them had tongue tie, although with DS3 nobody knew that until he was 8 months old.
DS4 was jaundiced at 5 days so needed combined feeding straightaway (formula in bottle plus boob)
with DS6 I was very ill 6 weeks postnatal so I fed him for what I thought was the last time, told him to say goodbye to boobs then got a morphine drip so he was fully ff for 4 days while I was in hospital. I did pump & dump hoping to be able to get back to bf afterwards and thankfully we did manage it.

and so on. sure, have a plan but please be open-minded to the needs of both mum and baby
(I'm sorry, but when it comes to bf nobody else's opinions matter, not even the father's, unless there are very extreme circumstances)

Both mine naturally weaned by 12 months. When I say naturally, I mean they lost interest in bf and would only latch on for a few seconds and barely suck. DD was particularly uninterested by 10 months, DS went on slightly longer, closer to 12. They were comfortable with bottles as I’d also pumped (so DH could do some feeds) and they took easily to sippy cups.

So you and your wife will have to see what happens with your children, each one is different.

You know what's interesting?
OP titled this thread "brace yourselves", and described this as a "controversial" topic, clearly thinking he might spark a bunfight.

Yet, despite a mixed result in the vote (perhaps due to the way the options were worded), there has been very little disagreement in the responses. In fact nearly everyone, regardless of their personal experiences, is in agreement: this is your wife's decision to make, and feeding beyond 1 year is not weird or wrong.

Even my exh who is one of the biggest controlling cunt in the known universe didn't dare say when I should stop breastfeeding as even he knew it wasn't his decision.

I stopped at just before 4 years old with my eldest and just after 2 with my youngest - both times I just let my kids stop naturally

It's a decision made by the mum and occasionally baby may have a say too. DD1 breastfed until she was 14months, one day she decided she wanted to play and not feed and that was that. DD2 I fed until 15months and I'll be honest this one was my choice as mum as I was feeling really touched out and she was heavy to hold.

It's up to the breast feeder.

I stopped DD1 at around 16months as I was pregnant with Dd2 and didn't want jealously. Also she was only on 1 or 2 feeds a day at that point.

Dd2 I stopped at 12 months - cold turkey as she wouldn't do any step down

Is this one of those 'we are pregnant' wankers?

Your wife should breastfeed for precisely as long as it works for her and for the baby. Please, please just support her with whatever she wants to do.
I struggled with breastfeeding my eldest, who had a tongue tie that wasn't diagnosed until he was 5.5 months old, and I can genuinely say that I wouldn't have continued breastfeeding him without my husband supporting and encouraging me. I ended up feeding him until he was about 2.5 years old and definitely ready to stop! Please don't underestimate what an impact your attitude will have on her.