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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Brace yourselves

276 replies

Husbandno1 · 06/06/2021 19:14

NC as this may be a controversial topic....

My wife and I are having a ‘lively discussion’ about breastfeeding. There appears to be mixed evidence online. So we thought we would ask this community and see what others thought.
What age do most people stop breastfeeding their child at?
(I have suggested a year btw)
YABU - a year is way too early, children need that boob for ages to come!
YANBU - we/I stopped breastfeeding my child at a year (or under)

OP posts:
Zzelda · 06/06/2021 23:36

Age 3 for DC1, age 2 for DCs 2 and 3.

Pinkylemons · 06/06/2021 23:37

The first was a year, the second 10 months, the third 19 months. It depends on loads of things how long a woman continues.

BraveBraveMouse · 06/06/2021 23:38

Her boobs, her decision.

Also, why are you so interested in what MOST people do... think about what is best for YOUR child...which I suspect is why your wife wants to continue bf longer than you do.

earthyfire · 06/06/2021 23:59

I only managed 6 weeks with my DD as she had a tongue tie and I ended up with severe mastitis so much so I couldn't even hold my baby or my toddler due to the pain let alone breastfeed. My husband didn't get involved with my decision.

Pinetreesfall · 07/06/2021 00:02

"You suggested"

Urgh really.

B1rthis · 07/06/2021 00:29

If you're asking when species specific milk is no longer of nutritional benefit the answer is never.
The messages from offspring to mother get sent to the mother's brain on every nursing feed to regulate volume, amount, what vitamins/nutrition etc is needed.
And in addition, it can be used to heal wounds in all.
If you're asking what society would accept, then it's unlikely that a child past the age of four being breastfed in public would be welcomed with smiles all round.
If you're asking how many years a woman would want to breastfeed for, that's personal choice and circumstance. If Mum has had a traumatic birth and hasn't got any breastfeeding friends or family/lactation consultant this will hinder the circumstances.
If a mum wants to go to work without her child, this will also have an affect.
There's lots more to it.

BlackeyedSusan · 07/06/2021 00:42

When mum is ready.

I did 13 months and had to give up due to being pregnant and disabled. (HSD makes one tireder) then 2.5 years. BUT we mixed fed from day three because DC chewed to pieces and it hurt too much.

shesellsseacats · 07/06/2021 01:27

@Husbandno1

Wow! This was way more heated than I anticipated. Thanks for (some of) your sensible and measured responses.

The reason I suggested a year was that she plans on going back to work after a year, and both financial and practically it might not be possible for her not to work after a year.
We (yes both of us) were actually wondering what others did because it’s our first kid and there is mixed things online to read. Thanks for the resources people have posted.
Some of our friends have breast fed up to five years and others have suggested the baby only needs it up to 6 months. Although the ones that did breastfeed for longer were SAHMs
Anyway, thanks for your collective input.

You have a lot to learn abotu BFing, and abotu supporting your wife. e.g.
  1. You can BF and work. In the USA, it's common for mothers to be pushed into going back to work when the baby is young. They get fuck all mat leave (as in zero). I think this has influenced our perception of working and BFing as we think of it being all about pumping - at least I did.

But if your wife goes back to work at a year, it's likely she won't even need to pump at work, her body will just adapt. And by one, your baby can drink other things in the day.

  1. How long mothers BF for and how long they want to BF for are two different things. Mothers often fail to BF because of lack of support. Or the wrong support. get the number of the National BFing helpline, they're good.
  1. BFing is completely your wife's decision. It's her body and up to her.
  1. The WHO advises at least 2 years, so this is a good to aim for. But the most important thing is your wife is supported to do whatever works best for her and the baby.
knittingaddict · 07/06/2021 07:24

Had children in the late 80's and stopped at 6 months.

I don't care what others think of this decision. It was mine to make.

littleredberries · 07/06/2021 07:27

The fact that you think you can dictate to your wife how long she just breastfeed and post about it online is so messed up. She already built and birthed your baby. It's bloody well up to her.

knittingaddict · 07/06/2021 07:32

For a bit more context - I was a sahm, found breastfeeding relatively easy once I got over the initial agony with the first and quite enjoyed the experience and the convenience.

My husband had zero say in any of this and I don't mean that it a combative way. He just would never have wanted to tell me what to do with my body. One of the many reasons that we've stayed happily married for so long.

Sparklingbrook · 07/06/2021 07:42

This was way more heated than I anticipated.

And yet you titled the thread 'Brace yourselves', namechanged and acknowledged in the OP it was controversial @Husbandno1. Also using the AIBU for a vote. Hmm

YABU for doing all of that.

KateTheEighth · 07/06/2021 08:15

@Sparklingbrook

This was way more heated than I anticipated.

And yet you titled the thread 'Brace yourselves', namechanged and acknowledged in the OP it was controversial @Husbandno1. Also using the AIBU for a vote. Hmm

YABU for doing all of that.

Spot on

undertheocean69 · 07/06/2021 09:36

When your wife is ready.
Could be a few days.
Could be a lot longer.
Her decision.

Posieandpip · 07/06/2021 09:42

Whenever mum wants.

grapewine · 07/06/2021 09:47

@Sparklingbrook

This was way more heated than I anticipated.

And yet you titled the thread 'Brace yourselves', namechanged and acknowledged in the OP it was controversial @Husbandno1. Also using the AIBU for a vote. Hmm

YABU for doing all of that.

All of this. Yes.
JackieTheFart · 07/06/2021 10:05

I breast fed my third to 14 months - you’re right, it was very difficult to continue when I was also back at work full time. Partly enough this was because I also co-slept so he basically used me as a comforter all night so I didn’t sleep.

Absolutely no regrets. I stopped at three months with my twins and have no regrets there either.

I think prolonged breastfeeding is more for the adult than the child (talking 3y plus here) but at the end of the day, it’s the mothers choice.

Fernando072020 · 07/06/2021 11:57

I'm still breastfeeding at 11 months. Never thought I'd go past 6 months but because of a milk allergy, my inability to pump and the fact that breastfeeding is magical for calming down my son when he gets distressed, I kept going.

I could see myself stopping next month but I don't do it if it's going to cause my son distress. I'll likely keep long as long as he wants to unless of course I start getting major aversion or really reach a point I need to stop for my well being

LetItGoHome · 07/06/2021 12:35

Don't feel your wife going back to work means it will be difficult to continue breastfeeding. I worked full time from 1 year and breast fed for 3 years.

An older baby/young child will be having a varied diet by this age (or at least heading that way at 1 year). Breast milk supplements this. So when mum and baby are together they can nurse. When not together the baby/child can drink water, or whatever from a cup and eat their normal diet. It's a lovely bonding time to collapse on the sofa together after a day apart and nurse. It's a great way to reconnect and bond.

My children totally got that and never that I know of tried to nurse the childminder!! 😂

Don't complicate things and just go with feels right at the time. I don't think this can be planned. Your wife may decide she has has enough after 6 weeks and the decision will have been made. It will always be her choice ultimately. But if she wants to she can work full time and continue indefinitely 😀🤗

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 07/06/2021 12:37

Between 10 months and 12 months here - tried to get to a year with DD but she'd had enough after 10 months.

Final decision down to Mum and baby I'd say.

mibbelucieachwell · 07/06/2021 12:51

Breastfeeding after your baby is having other foods doesn't have to be several breastfeeds a day. Lots of mums spend months or years giving an early morning and bedtime breastfeed with other things in between.

DoubleTweenQueen · 07/06/2021 12:51

I went back to work when mine were each 11months old, and bf'd in the morning and evening. Expressed at work for a month or so, while we adjusted.

mibbelucieachwell · 07/06/2021 12:51

Haha snap. Doesn't have to be an all or nothing situation.

Sillawithans · 07/06/2021 13:14

I couldn't do it. The second my baby started suckling I felt sick.
I'd say do it as long as the baby is getting nutrition from it.

DoubleTweenQueen · 07/06/2021 14:17

@mibbelucieachwell :D

@Husbandno1 The thing is, you can't predict and plan too tightly at the outset. Your dw may very well be able to bf and go back to work once dbabs is beyond 6+ months. She may feel 6 months or less is enough. Dbabs might be fine with a bottle or not. You can't script these things.