About MIL's weird reaction?

[Ohitsgrace]

Just want some perspective on the situation really. The other day I had an accident. I fell quite a way with my 7month old in my arms. I was fortunate enough that neither of us were seriously harmed, but it could of easily gone the other way. Luckily I held onto my ds otherwise he definitely would of flown further than me and suffer more serious damages. The thought of how easily things could of gone really wrong has shock me up. I landed on my back and hit my head but didnt do any serious damage, just had a bad headache and soreness for a couple of days. It was no ones fault and that's okay. What I dont know is okay is my mils weird reaction. It happened in her house and when I was finally able to get off the ground and tell her what happened her first instinct wasnt to ask if me or baby was okay but to say something along the lines of "well at least it wasnt me could you imagine!" Aibu to think this response was insensitive, and made my incident about her rather than the two people that were involved? Yes I understand it would of been ten times more horrific for her giving her age but it could of been just as bad for my baby with his tiny soft skull. The more I think about it the more odd of an approach I find it. I laughed off the fall but in all honesty I was generally shaken up and thought I'd done damage to my spine. Maybe if it wasnt so might hearted about it or mil had witnessed it it would of been different?

I fell from -lets say a chair - this week (like you it wasn't a chair but if I say what it was it would be horribly outing, and a chair is similar). My lower back is horrifically bruised.

I'm very relieved it was me and not the older relative of mine who was also around. I'm bruised and am having to sit on a cushion. My dignity is dented but I'll be fine next week. If it had been my older relative she would have probably broken a hip or her pelvis. Either of these would have required significant hospital treatment including surgery, and could even have killed her.

I don't think the sentiment that it's a relief its not your MIL who fell is unreasonable as chances are the outcome could have been much more serious - maybe even life-changing. Actually saying that sentiment may be a little insensitive but given that you were down-playing it, it's not really that bad.

If the child had been taken to her she presumably didn’t have to ask about their condition. Or maybe she was trying to play things down slightly to lower the temperature? If you fell a long way and it was a terrible and shocking accident then I don’t see how it would help for her to do anything other than try to manage things down a bit.

[quote Ohitsgrace]@GNCQ haha I guess it seems that way on mns. She is a lovely person but I was just wondering on whether it was a weird response or not thats all. I dont want to make a big thing on this just wanted some outside perspective[/quote]
I think you're massively overthinking a throwaway remark. No one was hurt.

There is a reason why I left it out of my op and trying to be vague. I just wanted to gauge my mils reaction to it

Fair enough but then people can't really say if yabu or not because noone knows the actual circumstances.

You had what sounds like a minor accident. You say yourself that you 'laughed it off.' It was immediately visually clear that you and baby were ok.

She was filled with dread at how her life would have been impacted if it had happened to her, and vocalised it. I see nothing wrong with this and think you are being rather sensitive.

If she'd approached you on the floor, maybe crying or groaning in pain, and not asked about you then that might have been a bit odd or shock induced. But you walked to her, 'laughing it off', so clearly ok.

My 4 year old likes a drama whenever he falls over. My 3 year old gets up, brushes himself down and carries on. I know which reaction I prefer.

Ah, I like that "things I fell off" has become the new terribly outing detail to replace unnamed hobbies. Surely no one thinks the MIL in this case could read the story and think "gosh this is familiar, but in my case DIL fell off a horse not a chair, this couldn't possibly be about me"

Oh, dear god, your mother in law made a comment after asking if both you and your baby were ok. She probably had no idea what to say next. She sounds like she's glad it wasn't her holding your baby which yes, would no doubt have been a lot worse.

Stop being so precious.

Good god. Older people can be so selfish. My DM would have said something like that.

My DA fell down the stairs with me in her arms when I was a toddler. She was battered and I was fine. My DGM and DF focused on us being okay not that they were glad it wasnt them! My lovely DGM made us chips even though it was later in the day!

and more of the Ageism. MN give over.

I am not sure why you fell, but if something broke, in her house, then I can really see why she'd be thinking that it would have been so much worse if it had happened to her, given her health issues.

your mother in law made a comment after asking if both you and your baby were ok.

She didn’t do that, though, did she? That’s the point - she made the comment instead of asking if OP and baby were okay.

It is a bit odd if your first response to someone falling and hurting themselves is to say, to them, ‘thank heavens it wasn’t me!’ It’s hopefully not the sign of some deeper selfishness and is just a weird reaction in the moment, but still, bit odd.

Well particularly if she’s rather elderly then yes she’s right - it would probably have been worse if it was her. Obviously would’ve been horrible for baby to be injured but most likely you’re over catastrophising what would’ve happened to your baby whereas if she had been the one to fall if elderly it could’ve meant a broken hip or something.
I remember once dropping mine as a baby - at the time in my head it was sooo dramatic, dc was absolutely fine and looking back because they were my baby I completely over dramatised it.
Had I been carrying MIL, tripped and dropped her it probably would’ve been worse!

My 70 year old boss fell down a flight of stairs with one of her gc and the baby was fine (it is really hard for babies to break bones accidentally) if a bit bruised but she had fractured a hip and broken both legs. It took almost 2 years for her to get back to normal and by that time she was so frail.

@Nuggetnugget

Older people become selfish as they age. That's my experience Thankfully you are OK. Mil wasn't sympathet and made the situation about her. It's who she is.

Well in that case, that is also your future! She was making the point that as you get older the risk from falling is far greater, firstly in terms of being able to get back up again , and secondly in terms of suffering injury in the fall.

Also, if someone falls, then not even inquiring if they are ok is often a way of moving on quickly, getting back up and running again. It's like if your toddler trips. If you say "oops a daisy, c'mon, up you get, let's find the swings" then it moves them on. If you say "Aaaaaw, did you hurt yourself? Be careful, let me check" then it helps them present as injured. So saying "good job it wasn't me" might be the same sort of thing.

If some people become selfish as they get older, it is because they were already selfish and learned how to indulge it. I'm sorry that you miss the fact that this is only some people, whereas all people get wiser with age.

Sounds like you were flung off a fairground ride or something in which case yes, your husband and MIL were awful not being concerned about you and more concerned about if it had of happened to her.
Your husband doesn't sound very caring

I'm guessing the chair broke unexpectedly, therefore, it makes sense for mil to say this as the assumption was,it could have broken with her sitting in/on it. I'd still like to know this long way to fall. Sorry op but I have several pictures in my head of you falling off different chairs!!

@Freddiefox

Maybe she meant ‘well at least it wasn’t me who fell when she when holding the baby’ meaning she wouldn’t have been able to save the baby as well as you.

This is how I’d interpret it. Also she was probably in shock.

It’s just impossible to say, because of your obfuscation on the detail of the incident.

Your follow up post makes it sound like you were flung from the waltzers at a fairground!

Yet, you were at her house. And it was no-one’s fault. Garden swing, perhaps?

But as any of these details could be a lie so you’re not “outing”, who can possibly say?

You say that your MIL wasn’t there to witness it, and you laughed it off when she then saw you. Your baby cried from the shock - but “someone” took your baby who presumably had calmed down by the time the someone took them to MIL. Afterall, you wouldn’t have let them take him out of your sight whilst you got your breath back, calmed down, and made sure no permanent damage had been done.

If that’s actually what happened, and not part of your detail change, how on earth was MIL supposed to know how bad it was?

Here’s my best guess... you were on a garden swing which tipped too far backwards (as you landed on your back / head) and you tumbled off it. So - sudden, frightening, but not a great height. It could have been serious, but it wasn’t. It still bloody hurt though, and because of your baby, it has understandably shaken you up with the “what if”. But MIL only saw you up and about after, with baby fine, and you brushing it off. So it’s hardly surprising she thought it was a minor incident!

Garden swing: I mean a swing chair thing, not a child’s playground type swing! Though could also be that I suppose.

You fell off a swing didn’t you?

Luckily I wasn't there OP, my first reaction woule have been to laugh. It's my coping mechanism, I laughed hysterically when I got hit by a car as a preteen. People don't often appreciate that reaction.

Glad you and baby are ok OP. Best not to get too hung up about what your MiL said/didnt say/meant.

Op, it was her first reaction, it's not like she sat down had a good think then contacted you to say she's happy you fell.

The fall happened in her house so the dodgy chair would have been an accident trap for her and she might have been left alone.

Honestly I think your reaction is weird. You are ok. Yes it could have been worse for you and your baby, a lot worse. It also could have been worse for your MIL. She's reflecting on that, the same as you are.

It sounds like something was faulty. Something that both you and your mil use? So very possible it could have been her.

Honestly I think once ascertained you and your baby were ok - and it seems that was the case because someone checked you then fetched MiL - it wasn’t an unreasonable reaction. You’re a bit battered and bruised. The same accident would likely have seriously injured her.