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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much did your 16yo spend on their prom dress?

469 replies

SpongebobNoPants · 05/06/2021 14:30

I have no idea how much these dresses cost but we’ve been asked to pay £500 towards SD’s prom outfit which seems really excessive?
Her dress alone is £500 Shock

When DP expressed some surprise (and announce to be honest) at the cost he was told everyone spends that much?
Are we just old and out of the loop or is this excessive?

OP posts:
CoffeeBeansGalore · 05/06/2021 15:03

Dd1 £108 (8 yrs ago)
Dd2 £89 (6 yrs ago)

They did their own hair & make up with friends.

Both already had suitable shoes.

£500? No way!

SwimBaby · 05/06/2021 15:03

There’s so many lovely prom dresses on eBay and Facebook selling pages.

lazylockdowner · 05/06/2021 15:06

My dd's prom is in a few weeks and I have spent £400 on her dress, very expensive but it's beautiful and perfect on her. My mum has offered to buy her shoes and I guess I will spend probably another 200 on hair, makeup, nails etc... as usual her dad has paid sweet F all but no surprises there as he hasn't bothered in the last 12 years.

The dress is more expensive than I was hoping to spend, a lot of her friends managed to get a dress for around 200

SunshineSum · 05/06/2021 15:06

If she’d have given us more notice even it wouldn’t be so bad,

Your SD leaving school and attending prom is a surprise to you?

2pinkginsplease · 05/06/2021 15:06

Dd’s Dress for her prom this year is £90 from coast. It’s beautiful.

Her prom is only in school as prom technically isn’t allowed due to covid but school are bending the rules slightly and having it in the afternoon.

If it was in a big fancy hotel like normal years we probably would have spent a bit more but certainly not £500. We got married 21 years ago and my dress cost £250 ! 😂😂😂

Skyla2005 · 05/06/2021 15:07

Just got my girls one was 85 one was 110 I don't know if it's going ahead so ordered online with a return policy would never pay that much they wear it for a few hours !

squiddylama · 05/06/2021 15:09

Mine was £360 about 8 years ago

lastcall · 05/06/2021 15:09

That would be a big Nope from me.

My wedding dress cost less than half that.

Priorities and all ... not spending hundreds/thousands on a 16 year old's glorified disco.

starfish4 · 05/06/2021 15:09

£89 Debenhams four years ago.

When DD had to pay for her own sixth prom dress, she found one for £20 online, which was nicer than the previous one.

NicknamesAreLikeKleenex · 05/06/2021 15:09

Obviously it is possible to go cheaper, and 500 quid for a dress you’ll wear once is objectively ludicrous, but to some extent it depends on the norm in her friendship group. If they’re genuinely all buying big glam numbers from the same specialist boutique the pressure to fit in can be real, so he needs to tread carefully. DH needs to have a grown-up conversation with DD and exW about the value of money and why they think this budget makes sense.

I speak as someone who wins this particular MN game of competitive underspending, because by a stroke of spectacular good luck I happened to have a vintage 1990s ball dress in my wardrobe that was a perfect fit for 16 year old DD, looked gorgeous on her (much better than it ever did on me) and matched the Prom theme. Net outlay, zero.

BlueDucky · 05/06/2021 15:11

@SunshineSum

If she’d have given us more notice even it wouldn’t be so bad,

Your SD leaving school and attending prom is a surprise to you?

I think notice that the dress is going to cost £500 would be good. If there's maintenance being paid then this is meant to provide for clothes too so any extra contribution expected should be discussed not just imposed. Eg. I'm going prom shopping how much can you contribute?
saveforthat · 05/06/2021 15:11

I must be very old and out of touch. I am absolutely gobsmacked that anyone would spend £500 on a dress for a teenager or believe that spending £500 on a dress would help the recipients mental health

BlueDucky · 05/06/2021 15:12

I'd say that's fine but he was saving the money for her wedding so it's one or the other.

Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 05/06/2021 15:12

If you can contribute £200 and are happy to do so, have a family conversation around that figure

There was no discussion! She just went and bought it!

Your SD leaving school and attending prom is a surprise to you?
Well there was a doubt the prom would go ahead but apparently they’ve known for 8 weeks it was in and didn’t mention it.
Also I meant the budget... if she’d said “we’re going shopping on X date and she has seen a dress for X amount we could have said what we could afford for example. Instead she planned a trip to Liverpool to a particular boutique and bought a £500 dress with no consultation from us and then just expected us to cough up

OP posts:
BlueDucky · 05/06/2021 15:12

@saveforthat

I must be very old and out of touch. I am absolutely gobsmacked that anyone would spend £500 on a dress for a teenager or believe that spending £500 on a dress would help the recipients mental health
Exactly, you can't just throw money at it and hope it improves their mental health.
speakout · 05/06/2021 15:13

16 prom?

My DD had her prom at the end of secondary school- so 17/18.
Her dress was £180, but we had prom tickets, spray tan, nails, hair salon, shoes, bag, new make up, limo.
So probably close to £500 in total.

irregularegular · 05/06/2021 15:14

Daft unless you have money to burn. I can't remember how much her dress was exactly (3 years ago) but it was less than 100 as that was the limit. It was enough. Shoes, again can't remember but maybe 30? Definitely less than 50. I didn't pay for hair, make-up or anything like that. She went to a make-up counter where they did make-up for about 20 but then you could credit that against buying make-up.

We could afford more but seems really silly for just one wear. I tried to persuade her to hire at 18 but she didn't like that plan. In the end there was no prom because Covid.

shouldistop · 05/06/2021 15:14

It seems excessive.

Why is it up to her mum to tell you that prom is going ahead though?

TotorosCatBus · 05/06/2021 15:14

My dd spent £50 (plus extra on shoes etc) but some kids do get £500 ones (or rent them )

MyDcAreMarvel · 05/06/2021 15:14

Girls in Liverpool spend more on prom dresses , hair , nails lashes etc than many other places. If you can afford it you should pay, it’s a one off.

irregularegular · 05/06/2021 15:16

Dress was from Quiz like a few on here. A popular, if conventional, option round here.

TotorosCatBus · 05/06/2021 15:18

My dd bought hers from Chi Chi London which is good for reasonably priced dresses

Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 05/06/2021 15:18

Girls in Liverpool spend more on prom dresses
We’re not from Liverpool, we live in the Midlands.

If you can afford it you should pay, it’s a one off
We can’t afford it, and it isn’t a one off. We have 3 DDs between us, 2 are his. And they’re DM does this sort of thing regularly.

OP posts:
Ughmaybenot · 05/06/2021 15:18

Christ that’s a lot of money!! My ‘prom’ was in 2010 and my dress was a beautiful designer pale teal silk fishtail piece of absolute gorgeousness for £40 in a charity shop, my shoes were £20 from Debenhams (I think) and my bag was another charity shop find for £5. Did hair and make up myself.
My older sister was even less two years before me, my auntie made her dress, and my younger sister three years after me was more, maybe £150 all in.
We weren’t super well off at that point admittedly but my mum, nor I for that matter, would never have entertained spending such ridiculous money.

Pugdogmom · 05/06/2021 15:19

DD1 about £170.
DD2, she wore her big sister's friends dress so nothing, we paid for everything else.
DD3 about £250 ,but she got hers made as she is 5ft with large boobs, so nothing off the rack fitted hers. I just wouldn't spend £500 on a prom dress.

One of my DD'S friend's parents spent over £700 on her dress, add on bag,shoes, hair etc, I doubt they got much change from £1k. She got drunk at the preprom party and was so legless, she never even made prom.😳😳