Weddings

[Bedsheets4knickers]

So I've been for my dress fitting this week . My daughter and myself are bridesmaid and flower girl . After the fitting the dress lady said so you guys know you're paying for the adjustments . It's £140 both the two of you .
No I didn't know and I'm abit miffed about it . I've been bridesmaid twice before and I've never had this . Is this normal ?

@Bedsheets4knickers

This got sent to me

Can’t believe she sent you this 😂 She had to of expected something said to her if she said nothing to any bridesmaid about it!

@DriedIris

So why wasn't she clear about this from the start?

What do the other bridesmaids say?

Def wasn't clear from the start . It's also not something I've had to do before . I've always bought my own shoes and done my own make up . If they want a certain type of nail polish that's also on them In my opinion. I have always made myself dress presentable lost a few pounds , got myself a nice tan without strap lines ( which is a PTA ) in itself so I'm photo ready . I'm so not cut out to be a bridesmaid am I 😫

Moonshine I'm one of the first to get fitted as I had to fit it into half term to take my daughter . The rest of them have this joy to come

Would you consider taking it to a local seamstress to alter ? It would be a lot cheaper than what you've been quoted.

God, other people's weddings make me so grumpy. I have become rather curmudgeonly in my ripe old age of 38. I try to decline invitations if possible and only accept close close friends- and even then I still begrudge the cost of outfits for me, DH, and DS, accommodation, transport, drinks, beauty-type prep, and of course a gift on top.

My own wedding cost a total of £3.5k and most of that was on drinks for 75 people... as we paid for them all.

No speeches, no twattery, no nonsense- just a good old knees up in a nice pub with awesome music and some funny speeches dotted here and there. My dress cost £99.

Over ten years later I am still told it was the best wedding people have ever been to.

Personally, I think whoever has agreed to pay for the dresses should pay for the alterations (as they are a part of the dress cost).

If the bridesmaids get to pick their own dresses, they should pay. If - more commonly - the bride dictates the fashion, then the bride pays.

From your follow up posts, this does not sound like a fun wedding, OP....

@bellsbuss

Would you consider taking it to a local seamstress to alter ? It would be a lot cheaper than what you've been quoted.

Not at this stage I'm at the point of pulling a royal Fuck You . The only thing that is keeping me from doing so is my little girl is so excited and really gets on well with the brides daughter . I'm so angry I just need to sleep on it . I feel her text is so passive aggressive , I don't really have people like that in my life anymore.

The way she's gone about it is so bad. If she'd have said to all the bridesmaids 'I'm really sorry, there's alteration costs that we're going to struggle with so if any of you can contribute in lieu of a wedding present I'd really appreciate it' then that might be acceptable but assuming the bridesmaids will just pay it and getting the shop staff to tell you is really low and then she manages to sink even lower by sending you that link she found that supports her point of view despite there being plenty of links that disagree with her.

I would send this link that suggests usually the bride pays, especially if the dresses are her choice. onefabday.com/who-pays-for-bridesmaids-dresses/

Or just tell her where to go!

I had to get a bridesmaids dress taken up a few years ago and I paid but it was only 30 quid so I wasn't bothered. £140 is ridiculous. Incidentally for the same wedding it was sprung on us at the last minute that we had to pay for our own hair & makeup! If she had asked us in advance if we would have minded doing that, it wouldn't have been a problem.

Is it possible you can take the dress to a local tailor who can potential do the alterations at a much lower price?

I have been a bridesmaid 3x. 2x everything was paid for but 1x the bride had the dress delivered to me and said nothing more. It really was a terrible fit and cost me £90 to alter at a popular city centre tailor that specialises in bridal and Black tie. Fairly recently, I paid for alterations for a bridesmaid dress for my sister (for my cancelled wedding). I just went to a local small town place, along the road from my house and I forget the exact figure but it was just less than £20! If its just basic taking up and taking in then anyone who can sew should manage it.

Also I think its a tough one. If you can't afford it that's fair enough but even when I had to pay the £90, whilst it wasn't ideal, if I wasn't a bridesmaid, I would have bought a dress and had my hair and make up done so it swings in roundabouts. Definitely try a different tailor though.

Debrett’s Eetiquette:

Traditionally, it was down to the bride’s father to pay for the wedding, but this is no longer expected, and parents on both sides may be keen to help out, or the couple may prefer to pay for the whole day themselves.

Wedding costs checklist:
Attire

Wedding dress, veil, shoes, lingerie and jewellery
Bridesmaids’ dresses, pageboy outfits and accessories
Something old, new, borrowed and blue
Groom’s outfit
Best man’s outfit
Ushers’ outfits
Groom’s going-away outfit
Bride’s going-away outfit

Debretts

Theirs no point in me trying a different at this point it would mean a 200 mile round trip to collect and bring the dress back .
Woke up this morning feeling unsure on how to proceed at this point .
Thank you all for your support . Weddings hey 😩. Never again .

Different seamstress that should read .

Your friend is very cheeky and I would be fuming. I feel sorry for the other bridesmaids who don't know they are expected to foot the alterations costs. I would want to give them a heads up on this.

So, not only does she expect you to subsidise her wedding by paying for the alterations (has she even paid for the dress?), she expects you to do a 200 mile round trip at your own expense for every fitting?

Madness.

And why 6 bridesmaids? Is she a member of the royal family?

Have you heard from her today op?

Unless you or she is from the USA then she is wrong wrong wrong.

In the Uk bridesmaids do not pay for dress etc.

Wedding ceremony is in the daytime.

And the groom does not wear black tie.

Yes I've heard from her . We had a long chat this morning . She's already got intouch with the fitter and corrected it . I don't think she wanted the others to go in over the next two weeks and be on the phone to her . So for now it's sorted it's a shame it's shadowed it slightly .

Glad she realised what side of the Atlantic she lives on..

Just tell the shop that there must have been a misunderstanding and you cannot afford to pay. They will have to speak to the bride!

What a horrible situation. Really feel for you.

Why did she ask for your bank details to pay money to you? I mean, what was that for?

@Guardsman18

What a horrible situation. Really feel for you.

Why did she ask for your bank details to pay money to you? I mean, what was that for?

So the dresses are paid for it's just the adjustments that need paying for so she's transferred mine to me as when I go up for the fitting I can pay for it . Yes horrible situation .