Weddings

[Bedsheets4knickers]

So I've been for my dress fitting this week . My daughter and myself are bridesmaid and flower girl . After the fitting the dress lady said so you guys know you're paying for the adjustments . It's £140 both the two of you .
No I didn't know and I'm abit miffed about it . I've been bridesmaid twice before and I've never had this . Is this normal ?

No we need them adjusted . In length and taking in . Straps need altered. She's clearing under budgeted for the expense of a wedding .

Have you actually spoken to your friend?

Did you already pay?

No not yet we've got another fitting when we try the dresses on after the alterations.
Nope not said anything to my friend yet . I don't even know how to approach it . I just think it's such bad form on her part .

@Bedsheets4knickers

I just feel abit shocked . She's got 6 bridesmaids if she can't afford it then she shouldn't have so many . We can't afford it . It's not even local so I'm up and down the motorway for fittings and rehearsal . The hotel . Il get over it but I'm never saying yes again .

See, I never get this. If you cannot afford it, then how are you magicking up £140? If I can't afford something, I really can't. I'd have to tell her, 'I don't have £140. So either I wear something I don't have to alter from my wardrobe or we need to pull out.'

Just send a message to the bride letting her know how much the alterations are and leave it hanging.

I’d have said no and left the dresses.

It shouldn’t cost people anything to be a part of the wedding, if the bride wants bridesmaids then she pays all the costs.

Is she American? It’s an American tradition apparently that bridesmaids buy their own dresses.

For me personally, if it’s a nice dress that you like and she consulted you on choosing and you could wear again, I wouldn’t really have an issue paying. Weddings are expensive and there’s a lot of pressure (particularly from families) to get things ‘just so’.

Saying that I paid for my bridesmaids dresses, hair and makeup just not shoes. But I involved them in choosing the dresses and got them from the high street xx

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

I’d have said no and left the dresses.

It shouldn’t cost people anything to be a part of the wedding, if the bride wants bridesmaids then she pays all the costs.

Exactly. I don't understand wet lettuces who don't say something. Much of my life I really could not afford to sub CFers, like literally, did not have the money available (or credit) to do so. I couldn't afford to keep schtum. 'It's going to be £140, you know' 'No, I didn't. Thanks for letting me know. I can't afford that. I'll leave the dresses here and contact the bride'.

It sounds like you've come to accept it and I'd do the same... but it would leave a feeling of resentment. Do you see your friendship surviving this? I agree she shouldn't have so many if she can't afford to have them!

No this isn’t normal! It is for the bride and groom to pay for the bridesmaids’ and flower girl’s dresses.

My goodness, whatever next.

Hopefully the lady in the dress
Shop got
It wrong

If you feel you have to pay for the alterations then you don't buy a wedding gift.

I should of said something to the fitter . Think I was just taken aback . I can suck it up. It's my own fault for saying nothing .

I won't buy a wedding gift , they've got everything anyway .

@Bedsheets4knickers

I should of said something to the fitter . Think I was just taken aback . I can suck it up. It's my own fault for saying nothing .

If you truly can't, you have to get over being taken aback because you literally don't have a choice, the money isn't there and there's no way to get it.

@Bedsheets4knickers

I won't buy a wedding gift , they've got everything anyway .

Let me guess, they told guests to give them money?

This is how cheeky fuckers get away with it time and again. People pleasers and doormats let them.

Text the bride this afternoon and say the dress fitter says alterations will cost £140 and the bride will need to pay it by x date.

If she quibbles be very clear you’d never agreed to pay and if she won’t then you’ll both be stepping down from the wedding party.

Get a bloody backbone OP. And if you know the other bridesmaids give them a heads up you’re not paying but the bride might try to make them.

To be fair they've not asked for any gift . It won't leave me on the breadline or anywhere near but I am saving right now and that'll just have to be deducted . I am resentful tho . (Secretly hoping it pisses it down 😬)

It's unclear from your post:
(a) have you decided the dress needs adjusting or has the bride? or is the shop pushing for you to get expensive adjustments?
(b) is is wearable without?
(c) does the bride even know that this is all going on?

If it really NEEDS to be adjusted then I would take it to a highstreet seamstress, they will do it for a fraction of that. Otherwsie I'd just say no thanks will wear as is

@Bedsheets4knickers

To be fair they've not asked for any gift . It won't leave me on the breadline or anywhere near but I am saving right now and that'll just have to be deducted . I am resentful tho . (Secretly hoping it pisses it down 😬)

Call and ask them not to do the adjustments?

@Bedsheets4knickers

No not yet we've got another fitting when we try the dresses on after the alterations. Nope not said anything to my friend yet . I don't even know how to approach it . I just think it's such bad form on her part .

"Our dresses need a few alterations which is £140 in total. Will you pay the dressmaker directly or do you want to send me the money and I'll give her the cash?"

It does need adjusting ,
Can not wear without We'l all look like plonkers .
I've never heard of off the rack .
We are wearing the same dress .

Yes the bride must know and she must know she's being cheeky as she'd got the fitter to tell us not herself .

I really think they've underestimated the expense of getting married .

@Bedsheets4knickers

I really think they've underestimated the expense of getting married .

That’s a shame. For them. Not remotely your problem.