I am hurt friends didn't ask about new job.

[LipstickLou]

I have just been appointed to a new senior role after many unsuccessful interviews. I was invited to one friends this morning for brunch and the invitation included the messages 'wow we should have bubbles.' The lady is very wealthy and the DH is a wine collector. Yesterday I was told another friend was joining us which I was a bit disappointed about as together these ladies play competitive mum. I took fruit, dressed up and looked forward to having a chat around what I would be doing. If you put a gun to their heads they could not tell you what my title is, who my employer is or why I am going overseas at the end of the month. They totally ignored it. It was given less than 5 minutes attention. I am really hurt. Certainly no cards, gifts or the aforementioned bubbles although I walked past the wine rack on the way to the wc. The hostess was a great friend who I holidayed with when our twenty somethings were small. I am really hurt. Aibu?

Thing is, when people say “I’ll open something nice!” Or “Let’s go out and I’ll buy you a drink” or “We have to celebrate”, it’s not literal and shouldn’t be taken literally. It’s just a euphemism for doing something slightly celebratory or jolly. I wouldn’t take it as a slight or a literal expectation that going round to a friends house to celebrate means she will or should definitely open up some expensive bubbly to toast me regardless of if she said that. I’ve always taken it as an expression and not an absolute fact.

@Ihaventgottimeforthis

Seems like the friendships are quite uneven. If they can hurt you this much because they don't seem bothered by your news, when it means an awful lot to you, then I would also get some distance. A dear friend of mine has been involved in the rollout of the vaccine programme, it's been a tough time as well as a career high for her so we will be celebrating with bubbles when we meet.

The friendships are uneven.

Have you thought about not being their friend?
You clearly arnt getting much out of these relationships? And it doesn’t sound like you even like them? Pushing a new job in the faces of these horrible people that clearly are just mean to you just seems silly? Do you really care what they think? You’re an adult, and more importantly have a new job that you should be proud of for you, not really for ‘the jones’’ or anyone else for that matter but for your self in the face of all the adversity you mentioned.
Why don’t you just cut these neggers loose from your and be around people you actually like?

StillLMFAO

Hum. I am not sure why I bother. DH said this lunchtime he knew they would upset me. I will try to resist accepting anymore invitations. Hopefully I will be too busy and they will move on. I really don't want like one of them anymore. She told me to consider putting my daughter in a home (she has poor mental health). Should have told her to fuck off then. I have been quite lonely and they are like catnip.

I send a card and flowers whenever any of my friends get a new job or a promotion. I also big them up too!! I would always want my friends to come away feeling like they've been heard and listened too.

What fruit did you take?

@Tippexy

What fruit did you take?

Odd question but, strawberries, mango, paw paw, grapes.

All went in the fridge bar the strawberries which is fine by me.

@rhowton

I obviously need friends like you. I send cards, gifts too.

Ok I think I get it now. They want you to be poor old Lipstick that they can patronise and feel superior to. Getting yourself back on firm footing means you don't fit in the box they've made for you.
I'm guessing that this one event has been the last straw for you, and you are doing the right thing by stepping away. It must be an awful shock to realise that they are not true friends.
I expect you are still grieving your parent, but I'd strongly recommend you find yourself some social activities that will push you into new friendship groups. I found loads of friends when I joined a choir. I know your new job will take up your time, but it's more important than ever that you don't neglect your mental well-being. Please ignore the posters who aren't bothering to read your posts properly, they really aren't worth responding to.

@pickingdaiseswhoke
Bingo.
I worked locally for four years when my daughter was small. I looked after the host lady's children for two whole summers. She gave me a free holiday at her house by the sea. Poor lipstick had downsized. We went from being very comfortable to managing.
We were great friends. 9years ago I went back to being a company director. They didn't get it because they had only seen me as a yummy. 4 years ago my fatheer fell and I resigned. He lived with us and was dying. When I went back to work in 2019 they were dismissive. Why bother? Oh you are too old etc. Tbh when I posted on MN about fearing that I would never work again that had been said to me that day by lady number two. She is in her sixties, has a younger successful husband and doesn't work full time in a executive role. Never has, never will. She told me to give up it wasn't going to happen. Now lady number one is a titled lady, millionaire, with an early retired executive husband. Has the two children previously mentioned in top positions. Wtf she has to be jealous of me, God only knows. However I have a hugely successful son. At school with their boys. Head boy in his day, I bet that is why they feel they need to keep me down.
I was offered a role last year but chose to turn it turn as my daughter was in crisis. Que all for the best, too much for you blah blah. I was told to put my daughter in a home by lady two as I wouldn't be able to cope. Not our families way.
I got this job and was invited to a celebration. An ambush more like!

I might send a card to a teenager who's landed their first job. Card and a gift to an adult - why on earth would you? Your friends congratulated you - they chatted about your job for five minutes which is plenty - and they couldn't care less about your job title.

Katy 1213

Because that is what we do!
One celebration for them but not for lipstick? Bad form and fecking mean.

Honestly you don’t need these women in your life.

They clearly like to subtly undermine you.

Congrats on your job, I hope you enjoy it x

Well sod them, Lipstick, and congratulations on your job 🥂

@pickingdaisies

Well sod them, Lipstick, and congratulations on your job 🥂

Am so sorry you got 'woke'. Was working off my phone. Just bought a house so very happy end to the day.

@Jangle33

Honestly you don’t need these women in your life.

They clearly like to subtly undermine you.

Congrats on your job, I hope you enjoy it x

Jangle thank you. Felt that for ages. I will be return of the Mac! (song 1996 if you are lucky not to be old enough Bless you x

Congratulations on the house too. Don't suppose your "friends" are too enthused about that either!

@pickingdaises

I am afraid I had to have a poke on Facebook. I felt so much better this morning. All I said was I had, had to suck it up for ten years re others cars, houses etc. I wish everyone well. Bit shocked to see how many lovely friends came out and said good for you (including my brother who never comments). I have to say I am done with these 'friends', ladies my arse.
Thank you for thinking of me.