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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is DH naive?

99 replies

NurseryFlirt · 03/06/2021 19:15

DH is a good looking, well-built, lovely guy. He usually drops DS off at nursery and picks him up because I commute so it's not feasible for me to do that. He's in the whatsapp for some of the mum's at nursery (and, from what I can gather, he's the only dad), he fairly frequently gets asked for a "man's perspective" on things - usually issues with husbands, and obviously tries to stay neutral and passive because he's not really very gossipy or a fan of the drama. Recently he's mentioned that he frequently talks to a woman at pick up and drop off, saying that they should do a play date at her house. Her DD is about five/six years older than our DS (the nursery is attached to a school and drop off is at the same place) so I think it's a bit odd to have a play date.
Today, DH had a family emergency and needed to deal with that so I left work early and collected DS from nursery. As I was queuing to collect DS, there were two women talking. The conversation went roughly like this:
Woman 1: "Ooh, waiting for Big Daddy again?"
Woman 2: "Oh, what? [DH's name]? haha, maybe"
Woman 1: "Uh oh, behave yourself"
Woman 2: turns to her DD "We like [DS's name]'s daddy, don't we?"
Naturally, like the drama queen I am, I went back to my car and cried for a few minutes before going back and collecting DS. I told DH and he's said I must've misunderstood or misheard and that there's no way she's interested in him (although it's probably the woman who always happens to be collecting at the same time as him). I trust DH completely and totally, but he's said that no woman would try to pick up men at nursery - I think many women would flirt with or seek out relationships with men at nursery/school.
YABU - No woman would flirt with men at nursery/school gates.
YANBU - Women absolutely would flirt with men at nursery/school gates.

OP posts:
user1487194234 · 03/06/2021 19:17

Some people would flirt,of course they would
Not saying that is what is happening

GoldenOmber · 03/06/2021 19:18

I’m sure some women would. There’s a lot of people in the world and some do odd things.

But if you trust him completely then does it matter?

Ponoka7 · 03/06/2021 19:18

Doesn't she know who you are? Has he given the impression that you aren't together anymore? He needs to start mentioning you, although I don't buy naivety to that level.

Blondefancy · 03/06/2021 19:20

If I were in your situation I would just politely ask “oh were you talking about so & so’s daddy” sorry he’s my husband 😂 that would have stopped them instantly! They were probably just unaware that he has a wife!

Shoxfordian · 03/06/2021 19:21

I’d have joined in and said he’s really good in bed

Nothing to cry about

scaredsadandstuck · 03/06/2021 19:21

YADNBU - but I bet your DH hasn't noticed!

I'd have been very tempted to butt in and let them know he was my DH!! Can you imagine their faces!! "Oh yes I like [DS's name] daddy too. That's why I married him!"

cosima8 · 03/06/2021 19:21

It’s half-term this week though Confused

scaredsadandstuck · 03/06/2021 19:22

@Shoxfordian

I’d have joined in and said he’s really good in bed

Nothing to cry about

🤣 even better!!
Cotswoldmama · 03/06/2021 19:22

I think I'd have laughed and said you may be waiting a while I'm picking up our son today!

NurseryFlirt · 03/06/2021 19:23

They're fully aware he has a wife - I may have forced him to mention me a few times in the whatsapp group (and he wears a wedding ring). They wouldn't know who I am because I don't do pick up/drop off.

OP posts:
MaMelon · 03/06/2021 19:23

Why didn’t you jump in and say something like ‘I quite like DDs daddy too’ and introduce yourself?!

In all seriousness, why did you cry - is there something that makes you think he might take it further? Yes, women (and men) will flirt at the school gates - but flirting and having an affair are two very different things.

Chikapu · 03/06/2021 19:23

Some people will flirt anywhere. I'm not sure why if you trust him completely and totally that this exchange made you cry.

slashlover · 03/06/2021 19:24

@cosima8

It’s half-term this week though Confused
I'm in Scotland, it's not half term here.
NurseryFlirt · 03/06/2021 19:25

For the record, I cried because I'm completely insane and very melodramatic. It'd been a stressful day with DH's family issue, I was too hot and I may or may not be hormonal. It was completely irrational crying, make no mistake, there was no logical reason for it and I completely accept that.

OP posts:
Marmite27 · 03/06/2021 19:26

@cosima8

It’s half-term this week though Confused
It is for my kids, but not for my brothers in the next country, or in Scotland as I understand.
GoldenOmber · 03/06/2021 19:27

Bit confused about how he’s in the nursery WhatsApp group with someone whose child is much older and not at nursery but maybe it’s just a very welcoming group?

Anyway, tell him to rename himself ‘Big Daddy’ on there and see who else cringes.

JoanWilderbeast · 03/06/2021 19:27

My guess is that joking amongst each other is one thing, but acting on it is something else completely. Especially if it's known he has a wife.

partyatthepalace · 03/06/2021 19:28

You should have absolutely said yes he’s also amazing in bedroom, kitchen and BBQ

Yes she obvs fancies him but it doesn’t mean she make a play (and it doesn’t sound like there’s a danger of him noticing if she did). Just tell him that there is no other way of interpreting it, so he can be happy in the knowledge he’s still got it - but no dodgy play dates with a decade older Dc

Theunamedcat · 03/06/2021 19:28

I would have said I like him too its why I married him

Morgan12 · 03/06/2021 19:28

I would have said I really liked him too and that I would try out the Big Daddy name next time I shagged him.

And I'd have found myself hilarious.

Honestly don't get why you cried?

RubyFakeLips · 03/06/2021 19:28

YABU and YANBU simultaneously.

Of course women would flirt with him in this situation so yanbu.

However, why you care so much or are crying about it is beyond me. I think having a desirable husband is a good thing, it’s having a cheating one that’s the problem so yabu.

One of our neighbours has had a thing for DH since she moved in. We think it’s hilarious and the kids love to take the piss about it.

NurseryFlirt · 03/06/2021 19:29

@GoldenOmber

Bit confused about how he’s in the nursery WhatsApp group with someone whose child is much older and not at nursery but maybe it’s just a very welcoming group?

Anyway, tell him to rename himself ‘Big Daddy’ on there and see who else cringes.

The nursery and the school are joined. It's a Whatsapp group for both from my understanding - has somewhere in the region of 30 mum's in it and they appear to discuss outrage about bake sales and uniform changes and whether the Reception teacher's new haircut is offensive. Hmm
OP posts:
MaMelon · 03/06/2021 19:29

It’s ok to have an irrational, hormonal cry! Smile Not OK to cry if he’s given you cause to be concerned though Sad

ShirleyPhallus · 03/06/2021 19:30

Ooooh I like these threads because someone is gonna come along soon and tell you to go to pick up next time and grab your husband aggressively by the crotch and tongue him in front of this woman and then it will escalate to people suggesting you should knock her out / run her over with your car

Don’t worry about it. Be flattered that he’s an attractive guy and he’s with you

alexdgr8 · 03/06/2021 19:30

your husband sounds naive.
are you sure he really is so innocent.
just sounds like when a woman says,
wow, lucy's looking good these days, isn't she,
and the woman's husband says, is she, i hadn't really noticed, maybe if you like that kind of thing/look.
which nearly always means he's definitely noticed.
studied nonchalance.