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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is DH naive?

99 replies

NurseryFlirt · 03/06/2021 19:15

DH is a good looking, well-built, lovely guy. He usually drops DS off at nursery and picks him up because I commute so it's not feasible for me to do that. He's in the whatsapp for some of the mum's at nursery (and, from what I can gather, he's the only dad), he fairly frequently gets asked for a "man's perspective" on things - usually issues with husbands, and obviously tries to stay neutral and passive because he's not really very gossipy or a fan of the drama. Recently he's mentioned that he frequently talks to a woman at pick up and drop off, saying that they should do a play date at her house. Her DD is about five/six years older than our DS (the nursery is attached to a school and drop off is at the same place) so I think it's a bit odd to have a play date.
Today, DH had a family emergency and needed to deal with that so I left work early and collected DS from nursery. As I was queuing to collect DS, there were two women talking. The conversation went roughly like this:
Woman 1: "Ooh, waiting for Big Daddy again?"
Woman 2: "Oh, what? [DH's name]? haha, maybe"
Woman 1: "Uh oh, behave yourself"
Woman 2: turns to her DD "We like [DS's name]'s daddy, don't we?"
Naturally, like the drama queen I am, I went back to my car and cried for a few minutes before going back and collecting DS. I told DH and he's said I must've misunderstood or misheard and that there's no way she's interested in him (although it's probably the woman who always happens to be collecting at the same time as him). I trust DH completely and totally, but he's said that no woman would try to pick up men at nursery - I think many women would flirt with or seek out relationships with men at nursery/school.
YABU - No woman would flirt with men at nursery/school gates.
YANBU - Women absolutely would flirt with men at nursery/school gates.

OP posts:
NurseryFlirt · 03/06/2021 19:30

@Morgan12

I would have said I really liked him too and that I would try out the Big Daddy name next time I shagged him.

And I'd have found myself hilarious.

Honestly don't get why you cried?

He's not into the whole "daddy" thing in bed haha. (I cried because I'm crazy, honest to God, I don't know why either).
OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 03/06/2021 19:34

Ask him what he gets from the group that he cant get from a newsletter

scaredsadandstuck · 03/06/2021 19:36

Aww OP you sound lovely and pretty self aware. I am sure I've had conversations with mum friends about who has a fit dad in the past. I would have died if said sexy dad's wife had overheard! I'm sure it's entirely innocent.

Newmama29 · 03/06/2021 19:38

I would of just waited until your DS ran up to you in the playground & watched their faces drop when they realise that “Big Daddy’s” wife had been standing listening to their conversation. Then give them a smug smile as I walked away 😂

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 03/06/2021 19:39

Quite honestly I would have gone up to them and said Oh you've met my husband then and given her a good old stare up and down.

EnjoyingTheSunshine · 03/06/2021 19:43

I don't understand why you care?

Those women seem a bit classless fancying a married man, but as long as your husband is faithful you have nothing to worry about

Franklyfrost · 03/06/2021 19:45

All I want to know is how a haircut can be offensive

slashlover · 03/06/2021 19:49

@EnjoyingTheSunshine

I don't understand why you care?

Those women seem a bit classless fancying a married man, but as long as your husband is faithful you have nothing to worry about

There's nothing wrong with having a look at a good looking guy, whether he's married or not.
Melitza · 03/06/2021 19:49

Well if the mums saw you pick up your dc then I assume the penny has dropped by now.

Nietzschethehiker · 03/06/2021 19:52

OP just for the record most people I know have done the irrational hot and fed up cry , don't stress about that. I once did it when I realised I bought the wrong crisps (I still haven't lived it down years later ). I'm hot and fed up today , told DP he was breathing too loudly Grin fortunately its rare I get like this so he takes it in good humour (because I also bought him a pizza ).

Honestly don't worry about it DP gets this when he does pick up or drop off. One particular day through a miscommunication we both turned up and I saw one of the mums who outright blanks me hanging off his every word. Bemused DP just wanted to get away and was thoroughly confused when I explained what was happening (I know there was nothing untoward as I stood there before they saw me and heard him trying to extricate himself....clunkily Grin)

Don't stress , what's she going to do ? Pounce on him behind the climbing frame?

Drink wine , eat chocolate and give yourself a break. Then laugh at the whole thing.

saraclara · 03/06/2021 19:54

@cosima8

It’s half-term this week though Confused
The insularity on MN is hysterical. No one can live outside the UK. They can't even live outside England!
Needsleep32 · 03/06/2021 19:54

@Newmama29 Exactly that!

HollowTalk · 03/06/2021 19:57

So did he go for a playdate with the woman who has a child much older than his own?

Lilymossflower · 03/06/2021 20:25

I never buy the 'hes naive' thing tbh
Grown men aren't dumb. They know when so wine fancies them

Lilymossflower · 03/06/2021 20:26

*someone

NurseryFlirt · 03/06/2021 20:27

@Lilymossflower

I never buy the 'hes naive' thing tbh Grown men aren't dumb. They know when so wine fancies them
Honestly, I had to be very pretty aggressive to get him in the first place because he was so oblivious.
OP posts:
Looubylou · 03/06/2021 20:28

For those who say she's just flirting - no she isn't. She is obviously making a play for him and shamelessly. Play date indeed. I see no reason to suspect your husband to be interested though OP. I'd take pleasure in looking fabulous every time I turned up from now on though.

Blossomtoes · 03/06/2021 20:28

@JoanWilderbeast

My guess is that joking amongst each other is one thing, but acting on it is something else completely. Especially if it's known he has a wife.
That would be my guess too.
Closetbeanmuncher · 03/06/2021 20:32

I think he would genuinely be mortified if he knew she referred to him as big daddy (🤮) OP.

I don't think you have anything to worry about although I would tell him to immediately shit down any further suggestions of play dates at her house.

Whyhello · 03/06/2021 20:33

I think some Mum’s are shit bored and have unfulfilling lives/relationships hence why the school run is so exciting for them. I’ve witnessed some Mum’s flirting with my DC’s headteacher at the gate before so nothing really surprises me anymore. They’re probably just bored and your DH is a good looking chap so they get a bit of a thrill out of flirting with him. I’m sure he’s not interested in them unless he’s given you reason to believe he is?

Closetbeanmuncher · 03/06/2021 20:35

Shut down not shit down 😂

NurseryFlirt · 03/06/2021 20:38

@Closetbeanmuncher

Shut down not shit down 😂
Hahah, why not both?
OP posts:
PeskyRooks · 03/06/2021 20:39

@Blondefancy

If I were in your situation I would just politely ask “oh were you talking about so & so’s daddy” sorry he’s my husband 😂 that would have stopped them instantly! They were probably just unaware that he has a wife!
Yes! Exactly that! I would've found it funny tbh
NurseryFlirt · 03/06/2021 20:39

@Whyhello

I think some Mum’s are shit bored and have unfulfilling lives/relationships hence why the school run is so exciting for them. I’ve witnessed some Mum’s flirting with my DC’s headteacher at the gate before so nothing really surprises me anymore. They’re probably just bored and your DH is a good looking chap so they get a bit of a thrill out of flirting with him. I’m sure he’s not interested in them unless he’s given you reason to believe he is?
No reason to believe he's interested at all. He's loyal like a golden retriever.
OP posts:
Blueskytoday06 · 03/06/2021 20:42

Oh just feel proud and let them have their kicks. Probably the highlight of their day. It's you he comes home to. And I imagine if he's good looking, then so are you. He's going nowhere.