AIBU or is DH naive?

[NurseryFlirt]

DH is a good looking, well-built, lovely guy. He usually drops DS off at nursery and picks him up because I commute so it's not feasible for me to do that. He's in the whatsapp for some of the mum's at nursery (and, from what I can gather, he's the only dad), he fairly frequently gets asked for a "man's perspective" on things - usually issues with husbands, and obviously tries to stay neutral and passive because he's not really very gossipy or a fan of the drama. Recently he's mentioned that he frequently talks to a woman at pick up and drop off, saying that they should do a play date at her house. Her DD is about five/six years older than our DS (the nursery is attached to a school and drop off is at the same place) so I think it's a bit odd to have a play date.
Today, DH had a family emergency and needed to deal with that so I left work early and collected DS from nursery. As I was queuing to collect DS, there were two women talking. The conversation went roughly like this:
Woman 1: "Ooh, waiting for Big Daddy again?"
Woman 2: "Oh, what? [DH's name]? haha, maybe"
Woman 1: "Uh oh, behave yourself"
Woman 2: turns to her DD "We like [DS's name]'s daddy, don't we?"
Naturally, like the drama queen I am, I went back to my car and cried for a few minutes before going back and collecting DS. I told DH and he's said I must've misunderstood or misheard and that there's no way she's interested in him (although it's probably the woman who always happens to be collecting at the same time as him). I trust DH completely and totally, but he's said that no woman would try to pick up men at nursery - I think many women would flirt with or seek out relationships with men at nursery/school.
YABU - No woman would flirt with men at nursery/school gates.
YANBU - Women absolutely would flirt with men at nursery/school gates.

Normally I'd be assume a woman was just looking as in normal social looking around, maybe spotting those they know, because most people aren't standing there objectifying other people they just want to get their kids and go.

But their conversation was utterly awful, are they very young parents? Now that you've told your DH though he'll no doubt be avoiding such a classy pair. It's not much fun being sized up like that.

@Looubylou

For those who say she's just flirting - no she isn't. She is obviously making a play for him and shamelessly. Play date indeed. I see no reason to suspect your husband to be interested though OP. I'd take pleasure in looking fabulous every time I turned up from now on though.

Chatting to your mate about how a man is fit is not the same as making a play for him!! Don't all school runs have that one hot dad? Mine did! Turning up all done up would be cringingly pathetic. I'm sure OP has more pride than doing that.

Get him a T shirt with you and the kids faces on for Father's Day and get him to wear it to pick up 😀👌🏼

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

He is not tjat naive. He is downplaying it. If they hadn't mentioned his name then maybe but they mentioned his actual name and said they like him, if I've read your OP correctly, that's pretty hard to mis interpret. Also wanting to have a play date when your kids don't and won't play together...I mean come on

This OP.

No way he is THAT dim not to have noticed.

I don't believe that for a second.

Not that he is encouraging them, but he knows.

Not possible to be THAT dim.

Lots of kids go to nursery in half term!!

The other mum seems to have a child in the school so half term would be relevant there.

Chatting to your mate about how a man is fit is not the same as making a play for him!!

Her trying to arrange a play date with him when their children are several years different in age is a bit suspect though

Haaaaaa! Brilliant.

Id have to go with him next pick up, but 'forget' something in the car and arrive a minute or 2 after 😁

I’d pick up DC again and get him to join me a few minutes later, greeting him as “big daddy.” If feeling cheeky, I’d then turn to them and say “Thanks for the new name idea!”

He’s so not oblivious to it; however it does not sound as if he’ll respond, even if they’ll make a move (unlikely). They’re just entertaining themselves. Appreciating the playground scenery so to speak!

I'd have blatantly introduced myself too. I'm almost disappointed to see that you didn't. 😞 Their faces would have been a picture and see it would also have given a warning shot across her bows.

I think you should try to do a few more drop offs and pickups for a while. Make a point of getting to know them.

Any playdates can be arranged at your house, with you also there. Or if it must be at her house then take a day off work so that you can be the one taking your child, or maybe just to see this woman's face when you, DH and your child all turn up as a job lot at hers.

It doesn't really sound aa though there is anything going on that the odd warning shot wouldn't put paid to. And you can have fun doing that.

The weird bit for me is the woman bringing up Big Daddy to her daughter! Like she's looking for a new daddy for her.

I think it's probably pretty innocent.

All the mums will realise he's good-looking, and if your DH talks to this woman often it could be that the other mums have become jealous and mum 1 is trying to stir up drama where there is none.

Mum 2 sounds pretty innocent to me, I wouldn't read much into it

Big Daddy Lol! That should be your new nick name for DH. I would have found it funny but I can understand if your having a tough week why it upset you. My friend and I used to comment about a good looking Dad at the school gate. Completely innocent and a bit of fun - neither of us would ever act on it. I think its a non issue tbh.

Oh Lord! Your poor thing, I can see why you may have cried to be honest! I'd arrange to pick up again soon and introduce yourself and say you've heard she'd like to set up a play date and you go along. I'd also be very tempted to pop in a remark about him being "big daddy" just to make her uncomfortable. It just sounds like they're being silly and your husband is a bit naive! I wouldn't worry too much though. I hope the situation with your DH family is OK.

OP, you could of course divorce your DH and marry a fat, balding, ugly bloke then your problem would disappear.

I'd just have laughed.

I once overheard a similar conversation. I laughed a little then introduced myself. Her face was a picture as my size 16 self was clearly not the wife she had envisioned for such a fit guy. Hilarious. We are still happily together affair free 15yrs later.

I would be the same, what a stupid women saying that in front of you! I would have been tempted to introduce myself

In all honesty though, I would expect your DH to leave that group- doesn't sound like he's getting much out of it and sounds really quite odd.

Whether it is at school gates or any other situation, people of both sexes tend to know when someone fancies them so this husband is a bit of a fittie and will know very well this other mother and (and she won't be the only school run mum) will give him admiring smiles and glances. He knows. The most important point is that nothing happens because of it.

No man ever talked about how fit they thought another mans wife was ever to their mate
This is such a big deal over nothing

I definitely would’ve told them who I was and watched them squirm.
It’s also ok to have a cry, sometimes it’s just cathartic whether the situation warrants it or not!

No need for any drama. Sounds funny. I would have said hi and laughed along...you might have made new school friends...

Play dates between a 4 year old and a 10ish year old though 🤔...no

Did you see how they reacted when you picked him up and not your dh? I’d have loudly proclaimed to my son how excited you were for a hot date night with daddy in her ear shot but then I’m petty like that

Good grief - you have a hot husband that other women lust after! Lucky you! You have nothing to cry about.