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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is DH naive?

99 replies

NurseryFlirt · 03/06/2021 19:15

DH is a good looking, well-built, lovely guy. He usually drops DS off at nursery and picks him up because I commute so it's not feasible for me to do that. He's in the whatsapp for some of the mum's at nursery (and, from what I can gather, he's the only dad), he fairly frequently gets asked for a "man's perspective" on things - usually issues with husbands, and obviously tries to stay neutral and passive because he's not really very gossipy or a fan of the drama. Recently he's mentioned that he frequently talks to a woman at pick up and drop off, saying that they should do a play date at her house. Her DD is about five/six years older than our DS (the nursery is attached to a school and drop off is at the same place) so I think it's a bit odd to have a play date.
Today, DH had a family emergency and needed to deal with that so I left work early and collected DS from nursery. As I was queuing to collect DS, there were two women talking. The conversation went roughly like this:
Woman 1: "Ooh, waiting for Big Daddy again?"
Woman 2: "Oh, what? [DH's name]? haha, maybe"
Woman 1: "Uh oh, behave yourself"
Woman 2: turns to her DD "We like [DS's name]'s daddy, don't we?"
Naturally, like the drama queen I am, I went back to my car and cried for a few minutes before going back and collecting DS. I told DH and he's said I must've misunderstood or misheard and that there's no way she's interested in him (although it's probably the woman who always happens to be collecting at the same time as him). I trust DH completely and totally, but he's said that no woman would try to pick up men at nursery - I think many women would flirt with or seek out relationships with men at nursery/school.
YABU - No woman would flirt with men at nursery/school gates.
YANBU - Women absolutely would flirt with men at nursery/school gates.

OP posts:
dapsnotplimsolls · 03/06/2021 20:42

@Franklyfrost

All I want to know is how a haircut can be offensive
Glad it's not just me!
Theunamedcat · 03/06/2021 20:44

Add yourself to the school WhatsApp group say how nice it was to finally put names to faces...

MissConductUS · 03/06/2021 20:45

Lots of men are completely oblivious to flirting. When I met my DH I had to practically club him over the head.

KarlUrbansWife · 03/06/2021 20:45

Oh bless you, OP. I think I'd have reacted the same way and been mightily annoyed at myself afterwards. I tend to burst into tears out of shock.
My DH is also incredibly oblivious and I also had to be very aggressive to get him Grin
I totally get where you're coming from.

It sounds like there's nothing for you to worry about at all, nursery mum is just one of those bored school gate mums.
Might be worth him leaving the WhatsApp group though, no need to get involved in any conversations needing a "male perspective" with people he barely knows

chesirecat99 · 03/06/2021 20:47

Maybe you should let your DH go ahead with arranging a playdate for her DC and yours at your house when you are both at home.

Mammyloveswine · 03/06/2021 20:47

I love a good flirt! And I'm married! If your husband is fit he will get attention and it sounds like banter between friends!

Honestly id have introduced myself and had a good giggle with DH later on..poor woman will be mortified!

Csx99 · 03/06/2021 20:47

Honestly just seems like a joke between friends. I don't think you have anything to be worried about at all and I personally wouldn't be worried eitherSmile

Mellonsprite · 03/06/2021 20:49

@Morgan12

I would have said I really liked him too and that I would try out the Big Daddy name next time I shagged him.

And I'd have found myself hilarious.

Honestly don't get why you cried?

This!!! Go again tomorrow and say this 👍🏻
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 03/06/2021 20:52

He is not tjat naive. He is downplaying it. If they hadn't mentioned his name then maybe but they mentioned his actual name and said they like him, if I've read your OP correctly, that's pretty hard to mis interpret. Also wanting to have a play date when your kids don't and won't play together...I mean come on

Mammyloveswine · 03/06/2021 20:53

I'm also going to casually refer to DH as "big daddy"....he does the majority of drop offs/pick ups so maybe he has a following too!

I know one mam insists on walking with him and he squirms so much...I ended up walking with her one day (our kids get on) and she spent the whole day talking about "son's dad..says this when we walk to school...son's dad was just saying that.." made me laugh!

Standrewsschool · 03/06/2021 20:56

I can understand why you feel perturbed by the conversation. I would feel upset as well.

Definantly join the WhatsApp group.

If the play date is arranged, why don’t you go instead of dh? Call her bluff. Children don’t normally want to play with children that much younger, unless they have already formed a friendship. It does sound like the mum has designs on your dh, although dh just sees her as a friendly mum.

Sandywitts · 03/06/2021 21:02

She’s after him. Not that he’ll bite but I’d definitely second the play date at yours plan that pp above mentioned

applespearslemons · 03/06/2021 21:20

Oh god, I cringe for that woman. How totally inappropriate

Please try and collect again and see what happens Smile

Seesawmummadaw · 03/06/2021 21:45

I don’t get why people are being twats towards the op! It’s ok to care and it’s ok to have a cry!

Jobsharenightmare · 03/06/2021 21:49

Add yourself to the school WhatsApp group say how nice it was to finally put names to faces...

Absolutely this. She's clearly making a play. Go on the relationships board and just today I saw two threads about a next door neighbour and a school mum and affairs. It happens.

floofycroissant · 03/06/2021 21:52

Tomorrow afternoon collect as a couple. Ask DH to introduce you personally to his school run "friends". Maintain eye contact weeeellllll beyond a normal/sane length of time with CFmum. Then flounce into the weekend with DH.

Mamatoabeauty · 03/06/2021 21:57

Join the WhatsApp group and introduce yourself Smile

Blankspace101 · 03/06/2021 22:07

There is nothing wrong with her having a crush on your husband. It’s probably the only bit of excitement she gets in her dull life. I’m sure your husband is a big boy and can control himself around other women.

3orangekissesfromkazan · 03/06/2021 22:11

LTB

fantasmasgoria1 · 03/06/2021 22:15

They can definitely be naive. My Fiance is absolutely oblivious when women look at him. I point it out and he says don't be daft!

chesirecat99 · 03/06/2021 22:19

@Csx99

Honestly just seems like a joke between friends. I don't think you have anything to be worried about at all and I personally wouldn't be worried eitherSmile
The conversation sounds totally innocuous, I agree. It's the context of flirty mum wanting to set up a playdate with OP's DH, OP's toddler DS and the flirty mum's 7/8 year old DD that is strange and suspicious.
hellcatspangle · 03/06/2021 22:21

They absolutely would. There was one dad when my DS was at primary who was very popular with the ladies! Make sure he doesn't get talked into a play date.

Duchess379 · 03/06/2021 22:29

I would have loved that scenario! I would have puffed out my chest & made a big deal when DS came out of nursery do the women could see you. That you're 'scrummy daddys' wife!
You've got him - not them! Be proud, not jealous 💕

U2HasTheEdge · 03/06/2021 22:37

@Looubylou

For those who say she's just flirting - no she isn't. She is obviously making a play for him and shamelessly. Play date indeed. I see no reason to suspect your husband to be interested though OP. I'd take pleasure in looking fabulous every time I turned up from now on though.
Why go to the trouble of looking fabulous every time she does the school run? What would that even achieve?

OP, please don't follow any of the silly suggestions you will get here, about dressing up, staring her out etc.

It's harmless and I am sure your husband can handle any inappropriate situations that may (but unlikely) come up.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 03/06/2021 22:40

@cosima8

It’s half-term this week though Confused
Lots of kids go to nursery in half term!!