Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

AIBU MIL get DD changed when she has her for the day

88 replies

Unicorn93 · 03/06/2021 12:15

So I send my DD to my MIL one day a week whilst I’m at work, I send her dressed and ready for the day, I get photos in the day and she’s in a completely different outfit one that she’s bought for her, and before sending her home again puts her back in the clothes I’ve sent her in. I sent her in her sandals as it’s been nice weather and on the photo she has put socks on with the sandals??

I’ve not said anything as I appreciate the help from her and she’s a good grandma but I can’t help but get annoyed by it

OP posts:

IHTC · 03/06/2021 12:17

It's probably just the excitement of having bought her something new and to show you. It doesn't sound like there's any malice there at all

Horehound · 03/06/2021 12:18

It would annoy me but I agree she probably has just bought stuff she's excited to put her in.

Like a dolly...

BlueDucky · 03/06/2021 12:19

She's probably just excited to have a baby in the family to buy clothes for. Or maybe she thinks what you send her in are PJs?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 03/06/2021 12:19

It weird but its harmless.

Hsjdb7483939 · 03/06/2021 12:19

My mil buys DD clothes and she often ends up in them when she’s there but it’s odd that she then gets her changed back into her other clothes. Have you asked her about it?

TulipsTwoLips · 03/06/2021 12:21

I would let her know kindly that it's fine for her to stay in the clothes you've put her in, maybe she is worried they will get dirty?

MatildaTheCat · 03/06/2021 12:21

Just send her in her PJs! MIL is playing dress ups which is harmless fun while she does you a massive favour.

BlueDucky · 03/06/2021 12:21

Or she might think she'll wash them there and save you a bit of washing. Trying to think the best of her here. But yes at first thought I would feel a bit judged but would leave it as it's free childcare.

entrytohr · 03/06/2021 12:21

Is she worried about your things getting stained, where if her's do they're her's so it doesn't matter?

Original poster

Unicorn93 · 03/06/2021 12:21

@BlueDucky no she knows they’re not pjs. I have mentioned before about getting her changed as I sent her in a dress it was a hot day, she got her changed out of it into leggings and a long sleeved top saying it’s not hot enough for a dress

OP posts:

OhYouDontSay · 03/06/2021 12:22

Does it matter?

BlueDucky · 03/06/2021 12:23

Ah if she's saying it's not hot enough then you'll have to trust her really. Otherwise why are you using her as childcare.

Original poster

Unicorn93 · 03/06/2021 12:23

I’m not saying anything to her as I am grateful of her help, and yes it’s free childcare. I just need to give my head a wobble and get over it 😂

OP posts:

SilverBangle · 03/06/2021 12:26

How old is DD?

I keep some clothes here for when I have DGS for the day. We usually do outdoor things like gardening, making mud pies, splashing in puddles, taking dog for a walk, which usually involves mud. He likes to get the paints out, tape lots of sheets of paper together and lay it on them grass, and do handprints, footprints or just paint with brushes.

Before he goes home I bath him and put him back in his clean clothes (the clothes he wore here) and wash his muddy/dirty/painted clothes. Saves his mother the job.

He is 3. I didn’t change him when he was a baby.

Moonshine11 · 03/06/2021 12:26

Whilst it’s harmless its the putting your outfit back on her to come home in that would annoy me and probably your child 😂 why doesn’t she just keep the outfit on she’s changed her into?
she doesn’t need to get dressed 3 times a day.
But whilst it’s been so hot I would mention cooler clothes than long tops and leggings.

Youarenothere · 03/06/2021 12:28

My DH used to do this, I’d get baby up, washed, fed and dressed, then when DH got out of bed he’d get DS changed for literally no reason, used to massively piss me off, like it was saying I hadn’t dressed DS correctly and just ignoring how much effort it took to get him ready.

Now we’re on our second child I realise it’s just his way of interact with the baby. Playing dress up, like having a doll. (To be fair he doesn’t do it so much now, think the novelty has worn off)

OhYouDontSay · 03/06/2021 12:29

@Moonshine11

Whilst it’s harmless its the putting your outfit back on her to come home in that would annoy me and probably your child 😂 why doesn’t she just keep the outfit on she’s changed her into? she doesn’t need to get dressed 3 times a day. But whilst it’s been so hot I would mention cooler clothes than long tops and leggings.

I don't think this is that weird.

My Mum has a few outfits at her house for my son. In case the weather changes when he's there or he shits himself or throws up his milk all down him!

Sometimes she'll wash whatever it is that was stained/dirty, dry it and put him back in it again when he leaves so that she can keep her outfits there because quite honestly I'd just forget to bring them back to her and I think it's good that she has things at her house if he needs them.

I really wouldn't read so much into it.

DinoHat · 03/06/2021 12:29

It’s a bit weird. Does she keep the clothes she’s bought at her house?

Ask her? Or say “oh you’ve gotten changed again” when you collect her.

iduno · 03/06/2021 12:29

Mum is that you? My gran used to do this (mil to my mum). Exactly like that, changed her into clothes she bought and then would change her back and keep the other clothes at her house. It's weird. My mum said she did it just to wind her up. They didn't get on.

I wonder if it's a control thing. U say U sent her in a dress and she said it wasn't warm enough 🙄

It's nice if she wants to buy her things but keeping them at her place and not actually gifting them is just weird. She'll probably use the excuse she likes to have spare clothes incase she gets dirty or needs a change. In that case surely she would keep the outfit u sent her in and wash it and keep as spare. I'm sure u probably put a spare change of clothes in the bag anyway.

Just ignore it though if she's fine with baby and gives free childcare 😂

pilates · 03/06/2021 12:31

I wouldn’t get worked up about it, perhaps she doesn’t want the clothes getting dirty/damaged.

Moonshine11 · 03/06/2021 12:31

@OhYouDontSay yeah I get the clean change of clothes but this sounds like she’s just wanting to dress her up in clothes she’s bought.
Like I say harmless but I don’t see the need if she’s not dirty etc.

Celtic1hair · 03/06/2021 12:34

Maybe she doesn't want to get the clothes you sent her in dirty? My mother does the same thing, I tell her it wouldn't bother me at all but she thinks it helps?

ComDummings · 03/06/2021 12:34

It’s weird as hell IMO

OhYouDontSay · 03/06/2021 12:36

[quote Moonshine11]@OhYouDontSay yeah I get the clean change of clothes but this sounds like she’s just wanting to dress her up in clothes she’s bought.
Like I say harmless but I don’t see the need if she’s not dirty etc.[/quote]
There probably isn't any need but I just couldn't get worked up about it.

My Mum bought my son a top with a funny phrase on about something to do with grandma's or a football top for my dad's favourite team. I've gone to pick him up before and he's been in those. I literally couldn't be bothered getting worked up about it.

Xyzzzzz · 03/06/2021 12:39

I send my dd to my mum in her PJ’s my mum loves choosing her outfit and dressing her. One less battle for me in a morning.

Flip

1 2 3 4