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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU MIL get DD changed when she has her for the day

88 replies

Unicorn93 · 03/06/2021 12:15

So I send my DD to my MIL one day a week whilst I’m at work, I send her dressed and ready for the day, I get photos in the day and she’s in a completely different outfit one that she’s bought for her, and before sending her home again puts her back in the clothes I’ve sent her in. I sent her in her sandals as it’s been nice weather and on the photo she has put socks on with the sandals??

I’ve not said anything as I appreciate the help from her and she’s a good grandma but I can’t help but get annoyed by it

OP posts:
VodkaSlimline · 03/06/2021 13:28

Mildly annoying but try to let it go. You don't say how old DD is but I imagine this issue has a shelf life. As she gets bigger, she's unlikely to put up with being undressed and re-dressed like a doll for very long!

RosaBudDrood · 03/06/2021 13:29

It is weird. There are sorts of subliminal messages. Your DC is a doll for them to dress up and it is about exerting control over you and eventually your DC

Hahahahaha

C8H10N4O2 · 03/06/2021 13:34

@Chickenonaperch

What would annoy me us that you want your child to look a certain way. I love seeing little girls in dresses and it would really irritate me if someone took a dress off to put trousers on or an outfit I didn't like.
Really? You would have a problem with someone putting practical clothes on a child for getting messy or being active out of doors even if they were returned to frou-frou mode at home time?

Good grief, the 1950s are still alive and kicking.

sapnupuas · 03/06/2021 13:35

My mum couldn't wait for me to have a child so she could do this as she didn't feel comfortable doing so to my brother's kids 🤣

BarbarianMum · 03/06/2021 13:36

My mum would occasionally do this if she thought their clothes were pajamas, but mostly because she felt they weren't warm enough. Eventually they got old enough to fight her off but she still encourages them to put on jumpers (they are 13 and 15). Grin

diddl · 03/06/2021 13:36

I think it's odd unless she's dressed impractically for what they are going to do.

Maybe depends on the sandals but often socks stop them rubbing.

If it's not upsetting your daughter it probabaly doesn't matter & hopefully she'll say when she doesn't want to get changed.

C8H10N4O2 · 03/06/2021 13:38

I’ve not said anything as I appreciate the help from her and she’s a good grandma but I can’t help but get annoyed by it

Honestly unless the clothes are actually unsuitable in some way and causing a problem just put it down to a mildly annoying habit that is just part of life.

In a few years DC will be telling both of you exactly what she will and won't wear and you won't bat an eyelid.

daisypond · 03/06/2021 13:39

It wouldn’t bother me. Dresses are impractical and sandals without socks aren’t either.

RantyAnty · 03/06/2021 13:39

It's sweet and not weird at all.

Orphlids · 03/06/2021 13:41

Perhaps she dresses her in clothing that reminds her of dressing her own children years ago. It probably brings her great joy. Socks under sandals is very sensible for a small child, and can prevent nasty scrapes. Perhaps your taste in clothing is so awful, she can’t help herself. How lucky you are to have free childcare provided by someone who loves your DD so dearly.

ThursdayWeld · 03/06/2021 13:41

It's just a bit of fun for your MIL. Leave the grandma in peace!

MaMelon · 03/06/2021 13:42

Providing she’s a great MIL and fab granny in every other way I’d leave it - it’s one day a week and it sounds like she’s enjoying the opportunity to dress a baby in cute little clothes again Smile

DreamingNow · 03/06/2021 13:42

MIl wouod do that to be sure that the clothes are not getting dirty/damaged.
She wouod also have a problem with sandals wo socks so wouod put them on....

MadeOfStarStuff · 03/06/2021 13:43

Yes, as you said, give your head a wobble and get over it. She’s just excited to have a baby to buy cute clothes for, and she’s doing you a massive favour providing free childcare,

tuttifritti · 03/06/2021 13:44

Wow! This is so not an issue. 😂😂😂

thefirstmrsrochester · 03/06/2021 13:44

My mum was forever doing this when she had dd, no problem other than my mum had a penchant for 1970s clothkit style things, and ‘held onto’ the clothing I’d sent dd over in, only for them to materialise when dd had outgrown them. At this point did started going over in her PJs. No harm really. Defo not controlling, just mildly irritating that dd didn’t get the wear out of a lot of the things I’d bought her in favour of my mums sartorial trip down memory lane.

melj1213 · 03/06/2021 13:48

[quote Moonshine11]@OhYouDontSay yeah I get that but op is saying she changes her again! I just don’t get the need for 3 changes if she’s not dirty. Just keep the first changed outfit on.
Nah it’s nothing to be worked up over but it’s just not necessary.[/quote]
The OP doesn't say she has 3 changes, just that her MIL changes her DD out of the outfit she sent her in and puts her back in it before sending her home - that's 2 changes (one on arrival and one on departure) where is your 3rd coming from?

My mum still babysits for some of my nieces, nephews and cousin's small children and she keeps a stack of clothes at home for when they come over but she never sends them home in those clothes because they rarely ever get sent back again.

If one of my nieces arrived in a pretty dress and sandals and they were going to go for a walk in the woods and to the playground, she would change her into a tshirt and leggings (better for the playground), add socks (better for all the walking and if the path is rough with stones/twigs yhen she's less likely to scratch up her feet) and keep her pretty dress at home. Before she went home she would either just put her back in her dress or bath her and put her back into the "clean" dress (depending how dirty/mucky she was) so that the worn clothes would be left at my mums house to be washed and ready for next time. She would never presume to "keep" the dress so if she left my niece in the tshirt and leggings then she would be sending both outfits home but might not get her stuff back, so it's just easier to put her back in the clothes she came with.

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 03/06/2021 13:50

My nanny loves to get the chance to dress my DC in the morning, so I actively don't bother doing it myself as it's a small pleasure I can give her.

What's the problem? Just start sending her in her PJs, everyone's a winner. If you want everything to your specifications while your child isn't with you, start paying someone.

LookItsMeAgain · 03/06/2021 13:50

@melj1213 - The OP doesn't say she has 3 changes, just that her MIL changes her DD out of the outfit she sent her in and puts her back in it before sending her home - that's 2 changes (one on arrival and one on departure) where is your 3rd coming from?
I'm assuming that the first change is when the OP gets her own DD dressed to go to Granny's house perhaps?? (change from night clothes to day clothes)
Then Granny decides to change DGD to clothes that she thinks are more appropriate (change #2)
Then Granny changes DGD back into the clothes that OP sends her daughter down in (change #3)

Lucifersladylove · 03/06/2021 13:52

I’m a weirdo and have weird sensory issues with certain materials, I also have a phobia of buttons (I know but it is what it is Blush) so I would often change my childrens clothes after their dad/gran had dressed them in stuff that had buttons/certain textures.

He used to laugh at me once I explained it wasn’t that I thought he was doing it wrong or anything like that...maybe she’s odd like me Grin

Bazoo23 · 03/06/2021 13:54

Those of us paying £££££s for childcare reading this thread like Hmm

Moonshine11 · 03/06/2021 13:54

[quote LookItsMeAgain]**@melj1213* - The OP doesn't say she has 3 changes, just that her MIL changes her DD out of the outfit she sent her in and puts her back in it before sending her home - that's 2 changes (one on arrival and one on departure) where is your 3rd coming from?*
I'm assuming that the first change is when the OP gets her own DD dressed to go to Granny's house perhaps?? (change from night clothes to day clothes)
Then Granny decides to change DGD to clothes that she thinks are more appropriate (change #2)
Then Granny changes DGD back into the clothes that OP sends her daughter down in (change #3)[/quote]
Yeah this is what I meant.

worrybutterfly · 03/06/2021 14:01

As long as the clothes are appropriate then YABU to be annoyed.

He's just excited about having a GC and wants to spoil her. It is slightly odd that she gets her changed back before home time though. But then again maybe she's just trying to not give you extra washing.

YoBeaches · 03/06/2021 14:02

If this was a regular thing and there's no apparent reason for changing, then it is weird and I would mention it. I don't want my child treated like a doll by anybody nor for them to be used to feed someone else's emotions.

I don't think you say how old dd is though, I presume not old enough to talk or complain.

bullyingadvice2017 · 03/06/2021 14:02

Pick your battles. As long as there's n9t a pattern of say it's just a wierd mil story to laugh about in years to come.