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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU MIL get DD changed when she has her for the day

88 replies

Unicorn93 · 03/06/2021 12:15

So I send my DD to my MIL one day a week whilst I’m at work, I send her dressed and ready for the day, I get photos in the day and she’s in a completely different outfit one that she’s bought for her, and before sending her home again puts her back in the clothes I’ve sent her in. I sent her in her sandals as it’s been nice weather and on the photo she has put socks on with the sandals??

I’ve not said anything as I appreciate the help from her and she’s a good grandma but I can’t help but get annoyed by it

OP posts:

Moonshine11 · 03/06/2021 12:41

@OhYouDontSay yeah I get that but op is saying she changes her again! I just don’t get the need for 3 changes if she’s not dirty. Just keep the first changed outfit on.
Nah it’s nothing to be worked up over but it’s just not necessary.

MrMeeseekslookatme · 03/06/2021 12:43

It is weird. There are sorts of subliminal messages. Your DC is a doll for them to dress up and it is about exerting control over you and eventually your DC.

That being said, it makes her happy and unless there is a massive backstory of boundaries being over stepped, I'd ignore it and let her crack on.

lughnasadh · 03/06/2021 12:44

I'd think socks with sandals and leggings were a bit more practical than a dress and almost bare feet.

if the child is running/crawling/climbing there's less potential for cuts from stones and shells and twigs, and leggings are better on slides and things.

OhYouDontSay · 03/06/2021 12:45

Exerting control over a child because their grandma changes their clothes... Goodness me 🙄

SoupDragon · 03/06/2021 12:47

TBH, I'd see it as an opportunity to save time by not getting her dressed in the morning 😂

Notonthestairs · 03/06/2021 12:48

My mum did this but it was largely because she wanted to do muddy/messy play and not send my nieces home looking like they'd been dragged through the garden. It was meant kindly.

CuriousandReady · 03/06/2021 12:49

It wouldn’t bother me tbh

Thomasina79 · 03/06/2021 12:50

I think all this nitpicking is enough to make the offer of childcare a minefield! I have just started looking after my grand daughter half a day a week which is lovely. I am trusted to look after her properly and safely, but I don’t think I would do it if every little thing I did was criticised.

OhYouDontSay · 03/06/2021 12:53

@Thomasina79

Make sure you don't start exerting control over her mother and your granddaughter by putting socks on her!

Moonshine11 · 03/06/2021 12:53

😂😂 ffs

Branleuse · 03/06/2021 12:53

my nana used to do this to me
My mum used to send me there in black dungarees etc., but my nana and her sister used to spend all their time knitting, so would always return me in frilly pink knitted sets complete with bonnets that theyd made.
I think its quite sweet. No need to stop their fun

Foghead · 03/06/2021 12:55

I’d just leave her to it. It’s harmless and she wants to enjoy buying clothes and seeing her grandchild in them.
I would just accept it as one of her ‘things’ and message ‘nice outfit’ so it doesn’t become an issue.

StopCryingYourHeartOut · 03/06/2021 12:55

God does it matter for one day a week really? I wouldn't give a toss plus it's free childcare.

Wotsitsarecheesy · 03/06/2021 12:55

My Aunt used to do this with my cousin's DC. In her case it was because the DC arrived in nice clothes, sometimes expensive, and they used to enjoy going out to parks and getting muddy/dirty. My aunt was worried about spoiling the clothes. Also a pretty dress wasn't practical for running around in woodland making dens - that sort of thing. So my aunt kept a selection of clothes house for when she had the DC that was appropriate for the activites she had planned. It made perfect sense to me. OP, even if this isn't the case for you, and your clothes were totally appropriate for the activity they were doing, your mum might just be thinking she is helping by saving you some washing.

EskSmith · 03/06/2021 12:57

I agree with the others see it as a win, it's just part of her way if bonding. Send her in her pyjamas with a clean set to put on before coming home, less faffing about for your DD and keeps your MIL happy.

SandlakeRd · 03/06/2021 12:59

I echo what others have said. My MIL used to do the same thing and it was genuinely because she thought it was helping. It meant less washing for us and not having to send spares in case of accidents etc.

It didn’t occur to me to be bothered!

ispepsiokay · 03/06/2021 13:00

My mum used to do this with my daughters, she used to find the most god awful dresses (like the ones she put me in in the 80's, all smocking and huge collars) and would dress them like little dolls. I just did a little eye roll and left her to it

Chickenonaperch · 03/06/2021 13:04

What would annoy me us that you want your child to look a certain way. I love seeing little girls in dresses and it would really irritate me if someone took a dress off to put trousers on or an outfit I didn't like.

UserAtRandom · 03/06/2021 13:06

Is your DD old enough to be the one expressing a preference to change?
If she is, maybe MIL is going with that.
if she's not, then it wouldn't remotely bother me - it will be a relatively short lived stage anyway as DD will doubtless soon refuse to wear anything other than her favourite pink dinosaur top and the problem will go away.

EerieSilence · 03/06/2021 13:08

I had a childminder who had two boys. She loved taking DD to Primark and buy her some outfits to wear - not because she thought we weren't dressing her well but she was delighted to have someone to dress up.
Didn't bother me in the slightest, she wanted no money back, only enjoy seeing DD in clothes she bought.
Get over it. There's really more important things to be bothered about.

sashh · 03/06/2021 13:08

I remember when my cousin was a baby, she was sometimes looked after by both grandmas.

Both grandmas would buy, 'little outfits' and my aunt would come home to a baby / toddler in new outfits, she once came home to find her in two outfits at once (a dress and trousers and T shirt).

It's the price you pay for 'granny care' leave her to it.

Londontown12 · 03/06/2021 13:10

My mil used to do this it’s because she didn'ttheir want nice clothes being ruined in the garden ! X

OhYouDontSay · 03/06/2021 13:18

@Chickenonaperch

It would annoy you if the person who was looking after your child (I presume for free) put them in an outfit you didn't particularly like?

LookItsMeAgain · 03/06/2021 13:27

Have you thought about sending your DD in her PJ's to your MiL on those days that she looks after her? See if she dresses your DD and leaves her in those day clothes?

I think it's strange that your DD gets dressed by you, changed by Mil into clothes that MiL has selected as appropriate (not what you have thought is appropriate) and then changed again back into the clothes that you have thought as appropriate.
That's a lot of time spent changing clothes.

LowlandLucky · 03/06/2021 13:28

Heaven forbid a Grandmother should buy her Grandchild some clothes. If she was changing her into crop tops and Daisy Dukes i would understand you being upset. Maybe as your Mothers free childcare is not good enough for you, you should either find somewhere that you have to pay of change your work hours. Your Mother was a fit enough parent to raise you and for you to leave your child with her, so is it really too much for you to let go of a tiny bit of control and let your mother buy the child some outfits.

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