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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In law trying to invite themself to medical appointment

116 replies

AnotherInLawOne · 02/06/2021 12:54

Is it normal to try to invite yourself onto another family members medical appointment? Sil tried to invite herself to an online appointment with the paediatrician for our dc who is in the process of being diagnosed for autism. In the appointment my dh's and my personal medical information (that I have OCD and aspergers) could be shared. This is information I would not want shared with my in laws as they don't respect boundaries. Especially since some in laws (mostly mil) has thought that dc's behaviour, speech delay and not being potty trained yet is due to my bad parenting.
AIBU that it's pushing a boundary to try to invite yourself onto another family members medical appointment?

OP posts:
OwlTwitterings · 02/06/2021 13:30

Unless there is a huge backstory, if she felt she had something worthwhile to contribute then she is not BU to ask but equally it’s fine for you to say no and neither of you to think anymore of it.

EL8888 · 02/06/2021 13:31

Totally out of order and would be a hard no from me. They are being totally unreasonable. It’s a private medical appointment?! I also agree she needs to learn boundaries

Aprilwasverywet · 02/06/2021 13:31

Someone voted yabu. Be careful op looks like sil is on here!

Aquamarine1029 · 02/06/2021 13:32

Stop sharing sensitive information about your child's condition, appointments, etc, with your horrible in-laws. It's really not hard.

Pivotthesofa · 02/06/2021 13:33

It's obnoxious anyway but I don't think she would be allowed due to Covid limits. Our surgery and hospital are still only letting one parent or guardian in and if two are allowed, has to be parents from the same household.

krustykittens · 02/06/2021 13:34

Who the fuck does this?! Or thinks it is reasonable to even ask?! I think your DH needs to put some serious boundariesin places with his family, OP. Big ones, with razor wire on the top and snipers on the roof.

StopPokingTheRoyalTitDear · 02/06/2021 13:34

No one gets to invite themselves to someone else’s medical appointment. Fuck me, I wouldn’t allow someone to invite themselves to a hair appointment.

Don’t give her the appointment details then she can’t show up. Is your partner onside with you about this? If he’s not you have a separate, more pressing issue.

AmyDudley · 02/06/2021 13:35

Just text back 'Are you completely mad? Of course you can't come'
I think when people ask to do outrageous things they should be told just how awful they are being.
And I'd stop sharing any information with her at all, if she asks 'that's private' is the answer.

Jeez what are some people like ? Silly Mare.

JediGnot · 02/06/2021 13:37

"Fuck off you cheeky [insult insult of choice]!" whilst laughing is about as polite a response as she could expect to receive IMO!

ArrrMeHearties · 02/06/2021 13:38

No way should she be asking to be at the appointment online or otherwise

Original poster
AnotherInLawOne · 02/06/2021 13:38

What was her reason for inviting herself? no reason given, but in laws constantly wanting every minute detail about our lives. It's a one way street because dh can't ask about details of sil's life

OP posts:
SinkGirl · 02/06/2021 13:38

@Aquamarine1029

Stop sharing sensitive information about your child's condition, appointments, etc, with your horrible in-laws. It's really not hard.
Yes, just keep everything to yourself OP - you can’t expect people to support you through a difficult time without overstepping 🙄

I’ve managed to speak to family about my twins medical issues without anyone inviting themselves along to appointments!

Lockdownbear · 02/06/2021 13:39

What did DH say?
I think I'd be tempted just to blank the text, reply after the event.

TBH I wouldn't share any more detail with the ILs or anyone else. It sounds like she is being nosy and is likely to tell many people about your DS. It's your responsibility to tell on a need to know basis and his confidentiality that you have to keep in mind.

MoveOnTheCards · 02/06/2021 13:39

Please tell me your DH nipped it in the bud and just said no?!

Aprilwasverywet · 02/06/2021 13:39

Once caught mil looking at my maternity notes. Snatched them off her so fast she nearly spun round!!
Some people are just nosey fuckers ime.

GCAcademic · 02/06/2021 13:40

Surely you just say no, and refuse to entertain any discussion?

Voomster953 · 02/06/2021 13:42

Stop telling them EVERYTHING. Stop it immediately. And ignore insane requests like that.

It’ll have been cooked up between her and your ILs, something like “I’ll ask to go along, brother is spineless so he’ll let me, and then I’ll report back when the doctor tells them they’re shit parents...”

StopPokingTheRoyalTitDear · 02/06/2021 13:42

@AnotherInLawOne

What was her reason for inviting herself? no reason given, but in laws constantly wanting every minute detail about our lives. It's a one way street because dh can't ask about details of sil's life
It sounds like a control thing on their part. The best thing to do is give away very little and clamp down hard on requests to attend medical appointments by being very firm this time in saying no.

Is there a pattern of treating your husband and by extension you, like children?

Leeds2 · 02/06/2021 13:44

In the OP it says that it is an online appointment, so I don't think covid can be used as an excuse.

Voomster953 · 02/06/2021 13:44

I’ve caught my mother in law reading private medical letters for me, my maternity notes, scrutinising medication...

Once I even caught her in my bedroom going through my bedside cabinet. But as I’ve said in previous posts, she’s weirdly obsessed with the bedroom I share with her son 🤮

WallaceinAnderland · 02/06/2021 13:44

Sister in law asks, you say no. Why all the angst and needing to post about it. Such a non issue surely, unless there is more to this?

Original poster
AnotherInLawOne · 02/06/2021 13:44

Stop sharing sensitive information about your child's condition, appointments, etc it's getting Dh to stop. He thinks them asking and trying to have input on everything about our lives is normal. Mil literally asked about what examinations I was having on my vagina after having dc. My own mother would not intrude like that and ask such a question. Trust me it's not out of concern. It got to a point Mil was trying to pick out gifts for distant relatives until I had to put my foot down - which makes me the bad Dil of course.

I think your DH needs to put some serious boundariesin places with his family, OP. Big ones, with razor wire on the top and snipers on the roof i wish

OP posts:
MrsIsobelCrawley · 02/06/2021 13:46

What a bizarre request.

Do you have a DH problem as I cannot understand otherwise how you have allowed her to become so overly involved.

MumW · 02/06/2021 13:47

If DH didn't tell her to FOTTFSOFAFOSM, then you hqve a massive DH problem on top of the IL issue.

Why isn't SIL allowed to be questioned and why are you/DH sharing info with them?

Original poster
AnotherInLawOne · 02/06/2021 13:47

It’ll have been cooked up between her and your ILs, something like “I’ll ask to go along, brother is spineless so he’ll let me, and then I’ll report back when the doctor tells them they’re shit parents... yeah I think so, because some of them think we are making the autism up and its our shit parenting

OP posts:
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