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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about my clothes or is DH?

84 replies

ACupOfTeaSolvesEverything · 02/06/2021 09:09

Since lockdown 1 last year I’ve been slowly running out of clothes. Just wear and tear, cats clawing my leggings, torn jeans etc. Bought new jeans online at Christmas then got paint all over them 🙄
Anyway. Ordered more clothes online last week and they aren’t very nice so I kept an emergency pair of rubbish leggings and returned the rest.
Yesterday I wore the leggings and DH commented he could see my knickers and I may as well not wear them. I know that but I’ve not much else to cover my arse.
Today I’ve put on a short dress I don’t often wear but have owned for years. I’m going clothes shopping to an actual shop today. DH has just asked me if I’m going out naked. I asked him if he was being obnoxious on purpose two days in a row and he’s flabbergasted, says he’s just letting me know and I’d tell him if it were the other way round. (I wouldn’t. He frequently looks “interesting” but I figure it’s choice.)
AIBU or has he been massively rude? He’s not usually a twat 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Sirzy · 02/06/2021 09:11

I would want someone to point out to be if my leggings are see through.

His comment about the dress was wrong though

SleepingStandingUp · 02/06/2021 09:14

I think it depends on tone. Sometimes you don't realise how short a dress is at the back when you bend over etc so if I was flashing knickers I'd want DH to tell me, same as leggings but it depends on tone.

HugeAckmansWife · 02/06/2021 09:14

Well (missing the point a bit) you could wear the leggings under the dress and solve both problems. I'd want to know about the see through leggings as you might not realise that but I'd find the comment about the dress annoying.

Orf1abc · 02/06/2021 09:16

What does he mean by are you going out naked? If your dress is a bit shorter than usual, he's being rude. If you're showing your knickers, perhaps he was trying to save you from embarrassment?

If you're on a budget, most supermarkets have a good range of clothes, including non see through leggings.

OrangePowder · 02/06/2021 09:17

It depends if he's genuinely doing it out of concern for you or to be mean. Only you /he will know, but I wish more husbands would point out their wife's see through leggings. It depends what's on view with the dress. Could you wear the leggings with it?

AdmissionsTutor · 02/06/2021 09:18

DH commented he could see my knickers
Factual comment. Could be helpful. I'd want to know

and I may as well not wear them
Now he's just being mean. and is using the first comment to disguise it.

DH has just asked me if I’m going out naked
Now he isn't even disguising it, he's just being mean.

he’s just letting me know and I’d tell him if it were the other way round
This only applies to the first comment. The second and third arent "letting you know" anything; they are just mean. Be clear that you do not want him to "just let you know".

newnortherner111 · 02/06/2021 10:06

Very wrong about the dress, reasonable to observe in a tactful way (not as was done) about the leggings.

All leggings are rubbish in my opinion incidentally. You are reasonable to comment on your DHs choice of clothing, tactfully. Most men in the UK have not a clue about style.

shivawn · 02/06/2021 10:19

Of course I would want to know if my leggings are see through or I have a VPL! I would brush of the comment about the dress as long as I was comfortable, but then I wouldn't wear a very short dress just to pop to the shops, usually would go just over half way to the knee for a summer day dress.

Bluntness100 · 02/06/2021 10:21

Yes I’d want to know if my leggings were see through or my dress was such I looked naked.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 02/06/2021 10:24

Oof. I would want to know if my leggings were see-through or my dress was too short, especially if I was going out in public... But he delivered both messages with no tact at all.

You're going to be best placed to judge whether that's deliberate and he's being a dick, or if he's lacking in the tact department and probably meant well.

Original poster
ACupOfTeaSolvesEverything · 02/06/2021 10:47

There’s a difference though between “I can see your pants love, you might want to be careful bending over” and “are you going out naked?!”

OP posts:
MasterBeth · 02/06/2021 11:07

Yes and, depending on tone, it’s a perfectly reasonable, light-hearted thing for a loving husband to say.

Hsjdb7483939 · 02/06/2021 11:13

I’d want to know about the leggings to be fair. I went to a kids farm park at the weekend and one of the mums there had a dress on where you could see her knickers at the back every time she moved and i did wonder why her partner hadn’t told her (although maybe she didn’t care so who knows). It sounds like it’s not so much the telling but the way he said it that’s bothered you though and I agree he could have said it more nicely

Posieandpip · 02/06/2021 11:15

I'd be furious if I was wearing see through leggings and he DIDN'T say anything to be honest.

The dress thing is annoying though.

Losttheequipment · 02/06/2021 11:17

I’d want to know.

Also, how short is the dress?

Ninkanink · 02/06/2021 11:19

@HugeAckmansWife

Well (missing the point a bit) you could wear the leggings under the dress and solve both problems. I'd want to know about the see through leggings as you might not realise that but I'd find the comment about the dress annoying.
This.
Luckyelephant1 · 02/06/2021 11:20

@ACupOfTeaSolvesEverything

There’s a difference though between “I can see your pants love, you might want to be careful bending over” and “are you going out naked?!”
It really depends on tone though surely. My DH and I are frequently sarcastic or teasing with each other so I wouldn't bat an eyelid if he had said the latter. But if you don't have that sort of relationship and the tone was mean then yes that's not very nice.
IEat · 02/06/2021 11:21

The amount of women who don’t realise leggings can be see through

Ninkanink · 02/06/2021 11:22

Only you can know if he was being shitty/controlling about it or not. If it’s part of a bigger problem then you’ve obviously got bigger fish to fry.

The comment on see-through leggings was entirely appropriate as that’s really not a good look. The dress, meh, nothing wrong with a short dress, so I’d be very annoyed if my DH insinuated I was doing something wrong by wearing one. But if he thought you might appreciate being told then he was probably just trying to be funny/keep it light.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/06/2021 12:57

@ACupOfTeaSolvesEverything

There’s a difference though between “I can see your pants love, you might want to be careful bending over” and “are you going out naked?!”
If you feel he was trying to shame you or control you then you need to tell him so. It's difficult for us to judge without knowing tone and how you normally speak to each other
ShirleyPhallus · 02/06/2021 13:00

@ACupOfTeaSolvesEverything

There’s a difference though between “I can see your pants love, you might want to be careful bending over” and “are you going out naked?!”
Nah I think those are pretty much the same thing
AuntieStella · 02/06/2021 13:22

If it's an old dress, presumably he's seen you in it before without disobliging comments.

He's being a twat.

Might be worth finding out why

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 02/06/2021 13:34

Where do people get all these see through leggings from? I don't buy luxury pairs - all my last ones have been from Matalan - and they aren't see through.

I would tell him that on the basis of his comments the household budget needs to change to allocate you more money to spend on clothes from now on.

Seriously, you deserve decent clothes. Even if your family budget is tight, don't do yourself down.

SwimBaby · 02/06/2021 13:42

It’s a tricky one without knowing what you actually look like wearing the dress. I have a friend who often seems to arrive on a night out wearing what looks like just a top. I’m dying to say something but don’t think it’s my place to.

notalwaysalondoner · 02/06/2021 13:57

I’d definitely want to know - to me it’s the same as having your skirt tucked in your pants or something on your face, it’s your nearest and dearest who should let you know. And even with a short skirt - definitely sometimes people don’t realise something is too short for their shape. Once they are informed they can decide they don’t care but I’d want my DH/mum to at least let me know.