To think that the push to talk about mental health is bollocks?

[3plantpots]

Name changed. I am currently suffering with crippling PND. After much internal battle I decided to be brave and do as everyone now says you should and tell people close about how I feel. I have ‘talked’ to my husband, parents, GP and had a course of CBT through the local authority. Has anything actually changed? No.

Now I just feel totally shit AND a pathetic idiot for the things I have said when trying to open up. DH probably thinks I’m a psycho. I now have a husband and mother who are worried too and I’m dragging my husband down, he is never usually a miserable person. The GP has put me on medication which doesn’t help and makes me so drowsy it’s bordering on dangerous. Not bothered about that for me but I have to drive my toddler and baby.

So what has been achieved? Is there something to be said for the old fashioned stiff upper lip approach and shut up and get on with it? I for one now regret not keeping it to myself. At least that way you might retain some self respect 🤷‍♀️.

It sounds like you’re having a really tough time OP. I understand what you’re saying. But I think not talking is still worse. Can you go back to your GP and try different medication?

...and I’m sure your DH does not think you are a psycho

I absolutely get you, "coming out" so to speak left me feeling totally exposed, I didn't feel it helped at all.
Sorry you are struggling; if it does help, you are not alone in how you feel

I agree OP. Unfortunately, no-one cares. Well, I'm sure your mother and husband do so don't worry that you've somehow 'bothered' them. The people who care about you, care. Everyone else? Nah, I've found.

When my son was in a very bad way in the NICU I found that any response to the question 'are you doing okay?' other than 'I'm fine' would be shut down straight away.

Completely agree OP.
I had really serious depression twice in my life and thank God that I DIDN'T see a doctor or talk about it to people.

How are your local health visiting services? When I worked in the health visiting team we had visits with mums who were really suffering and I would like to think just them having someone to speak to every week and a familiar face helped somewhat.
I know resources are limited and MH services are quite frankly in the shitter, but just wondering if it might help at all and worth a phone call to them? I had three rounds of CBT for crippling anxiety, and it wasn’t until the third round I felt a break through and found coping mechanisms. Again I know accessing this is difficult, but could they extend your sessions if your CBT is now finished.

Sorry I don’t have much to offer other than this, but I didn’t want to read and run.

It’s such a shit time for so many people at the moment, and such a lonely time to have a baby and feel crippled with depression.
As for speaking up, I think it is definitely the right thing to do, even if it means not carrying 100% of the burden yourself. Your Husband may not be able to make things better or fully understand, but even if he does that extra load of washing or entertains the kids so you can catch up on sleep etc then hopefully this might help somewhat. Although I approaching it takes a lot more than this to come out the other side.
I’m sorry you’re feeling so rubbish. Take care of yourself.

You will get through this as well OP . Take care

*appreciate

It's all very well to say talk about your mental health but the problem is that a lot of people just don't know how to react when you do. They're missing out a large amount of info from all these campaigns IMO.

Sometimes you really just want someone to listen, not to try and solve things for you or pacify you.

I hope things get better for you soon OP

I don't think people should shut up and not get help, but I do think the discourse around mental health isn't always as focused on taking active steps to heal and manage your condition the way it would be if we were talking about, say, healing from a physical injury or managing an ongoing issue such as a dodgy back or IBS.

It's hard managing a mental health condition. Our loved ones can support us but they can't do it for us. It's like doing your physio exercises.

It may reflect badly on me but when people I don't know very well tell us all on social media that they are struggling mentally, I don't generally respond because I'm not close to them and don't trust I could say anything to be helpful.

Same. The GP was incredibly dismissive and made me feel much worse about myself, I got a prescription and told to refer myself for counselling. Now sitting on a waiting list for 6-8 weeks which is apparent a fast tracked service. I don't want to go into detail but I have a fairly long history of MH problems and would have expected that to be taken into consideration but I've just been left with no support at all

Sorry you feel this way, OP.

If we don't talk about our mental health, no one knows we are struggling.. and no one can offer help for something they don't know anything about. We do not live in a nation of mind readers... and that goes for friends through to doctors.
You did speak out.. and you were offered help. If you don't think it helped, then push for more, or something different.

If you’ve been on the medication for a while and things aren’t improving then go back to GP. It’s not a one size fits all thing.
I went to my GP. Finally found meds that help. And I’ve done CBT. I’m soooo much better.

I agree with you. It’s really sad to say - but I agree.

Stiff upper lip gives you a chance to work out your own coping strategies.

Talking is nice if the person is solid - but it’s really destabilising if they let you down (for whatever reason) - just when you are least able to bounce back.

And yes - you end up with ‘baggage’ - like medication side effects and awkwardness in relationships and ‘diagnoses’ that make other people less open to engaging with you. Might be worth it. But certainly a risk.

I think the only overdone you need to talk to is your GP, as he/ she is the only person who can prescribe something to help.
Other people may listen, but not know how to help, or may not actually care that much.

'only person' not 'overdone.'

I agree OP. I'm sort of sick of 'mental health' being brought up all the time in a work context. I don't want to be forced to share personal details any more than I want to talk about thrush!!!

What meds are you on? Fluoxetine really helped me through a bad time and didn't make me drowsy, maybe you could talk to your doctor about trying another one?

tbh, I think OP has a point. A very senior psychiatrist (national profile type guy) said some very similar things in my hearing the NHS can't help all at once everyone who might have a MH issue & meanwhile disappointing them with poor quality help would make their MH worse also that most ppl with MH issues have reached their own equilibrium which psychiatry can't necessarily improve.

it was a sobering perspective

@XenoBitch I don’t disagree with you, thing is, I hardly have it in me to get through each day. I have no motivation or energy to be pushing for anything. The media campaigns and famous people going on about how important it is to talk fail to address the ‘what next’. There is this impression that you say something, you will be taken very seriously and all this support will sprout from all around. Not true. The help I have had has felt mediocre and cookie cutter approach at best. Waste of time.

Support from all around? Too often people with no experience of mental illness don’t know HOW to support. They don’t understand. They can’t cure the issue. And they may struggle to live with the effects of your illness at some points.
You have to keep going back to the GP. Different meds. CBT. Lots can help.

Also, to my observation of it, PND seems to go away on it's own eventually.

I remember I went through a traumatic event a few years ago, loads of people (well a few) said I should go and have counseling about it. I said that I didn't think I should because although it was affecting me, this would just be my brain processing it and that I didn't think I should interfere with this with counselling. I thought I should just let it happen and come out the other side. I did talk about the event a lot though, people asked and wanted to know what happened, I don't think I talked about my feelings much though, just described events. This isn't really comparable with what you're talking about though.

Another example of how talking about poor mental health has done the very opposite of helping, is self harm imo. A friend of mine is a secondary school teacher, she tells me loads of girls are cutting themselves and seeing counselors. Now I doubt very much that if they hadn't seen/heard about self harm any of them would have invented it for themselves.

Yeah. I’ve said this before, nobody really gives a toss. Everyone has their own problems for a start off. I am receiving counselling for trauma but I wouldn’t talk to anyone else. It was hard enough getting the counselling.

Yes, those talk about it campaigns seem stupid, for sure.

You need to give people time, though. They might not know what to say at the moment, but their later actions are where the support will be.

I also think, just say what is true. If you're sad, then say so. Being tough and coping can be consistent with having emotions.

@Kendodd

Another example of how talking about poor mental health has done the very opposite of helping, is self harm imo. A friend of mine is a secondary school teacher, she tells me loads of girls are cutting themselves and seeing counselors. Now I doubt very much that if they hadn't seen/heard about self harm any of them would have invented it for themselves.

I was kicked out of sixth form due to my self harm. Back in the late 90s, but the staff had no idea what to do with me. They had never seen it.. and neither had I. I did not copy it from anyone.