To think that the push to talk about mental health is bollocks?

[3plantpots]

Name changed. I am currently suffering with crippling PND. After much internal battle I decided to be brave and do as everyone now says you should and tell people close about how I feel. I have ‘talked’ to my husband, parents, GP and had a course of CBT through the local authority. Has anything actually changed? No.

Now I just feel totally shit AND a pathetic idiot for the things I have said when trying to open up. DH probably thinks I’m a psycho. I now have a husband and mother who are worried too and I’m dragging my husband down, he is never usually a miserable person. The GP has put me on medication which doesn’t help and makes me so drowsy it’s bordering on dangerous. Not bothered about that for me but I have to drive my toddler and baby.

So what has been achieved? Is there something to be said for the old fashioned stiff upper lip approach and shut up and get on with it? I for one now regret not keeping it to myself. At least that way you might retain some self respect 🤷‍♀️.

@ChangePart1 honestly? No I don’t think I’ve got it in me at the moment. I think this contributes to why the CBT didn’t help, was just another thing to have to do.

A friend of mine is a secondary school teacher, she tells me loads of girls are cutting themselves and seeing counselors. Now I doubt very much that if they hadn't seen/heard about self harm any of them would have invented it for themselves.

I started hurting myself when I was 10 because I wanted to punish myself for something awful that happened to me when I was little. I didn't tell a soul because I assumed I must be a freak, that no-one else would ever think of doing such a thing. It simply wasn't talked about then. I was really surprised when I eventually learned that 'self-harm' was a thing and other people did it too.

Two things about your thread OP - first of all, you sound really strong to have asked for help and coped when it didn't turn out to be very helpful.

Second thing - you are so fucking right. It makes me furious all the money spent in every area including the voluntary sector on these "good to talk" campaigns. I work for a charity that wanted to research possible gaps in MH provision to see if we could offer a bespoke service. What we found was massive duplication of poor quality services and undocumented chaos in most areas of the UK. Occasionally you'd find a little diamond of a service, but to get any services at all you need to jump through a bewildering array of hoops. Some of the voluntary sector is complicit in this, propping up wholly inappropriate NHS provision in order to secure grant funding.

And yet still we just talk about it - and in no way does it reduce stigma. My DD18 has severe MH issues - didn't start off like that but because of misdiagnosis, waiting lists, CAMHS have another agenda etc she became worse and is now housebound and claiming benefits. Her school put every obstacle in her way to get help, the only constant was that they wanted her to leave so as not to be a burden to them - yet they employ a full time counsellor who is completely unqualified, suggested DD put smiley face stickers on a chart. Then they undertook MIND training for staff which basically means staff sit in a room for an hour, listen, then leave and carry on regardless but that means they are hailed in their OFSTED as a MH aware school.

Just one small example of my experiences. But listen, this is about you OP - do you have a plan or ideas where to go next? I find you have to be wily and determined to seek out the right help and if you feel like shit that's very hard. for you

I agree, sadly. It's all a bit Harry and Megs.

OP, it can be really disheartening when you psyche yourself up to get treatment and it's ineffective. But it's not unusual to try different meds/therapies before you hit on something that works for you. I didn't get on with CBT at all, it made me worse if anything, but I have found DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) and CFT (Compassion Focused Therapy) extremely beneficial.

Well, I don’t agree exactly .... but I do understand.
I also feel like a psycho for sharing about mental health. We are internalising the stigma against mental health difficukties and not being seen as “strong”.

I share your pain, but I know I need to take a good look at myself and combat that judgy voice that makes me feel this way.

Society is full of judgy people with judgy inner voices. It makes it easier for us to keep our MH to ourselves. So we do. And for some of us we can hold it together. But others rnd up taking their own lives.

That is the price of 95% of people suffering in silence with a stiff upper lip. It is intolerable for some people.

@RaineyMae that is very true
I can only speak for my experience (as a young-ish) person but a lot of young people’s mental health issues are caused by life itself, piling on one after another with no respite.
Also regarding PND in many cultures (including mine) it’s unthinkable for a mother to be left alone after delivery. The narrative of modern times is a highly individualistic one and we’re not better off for it