AIBU to find it weird when adult friend acts like a baby?

[Puzzled47]

I will preface this to say this is one of my oldest friends and I love her to bits, she is kind, thoughtful, we have great fun etc.

However, she has a habit of acting like a baby a lot of the time and it genuinely baffles me! She's always done it to some extent but I'm sure she's got worse in the last year or so. We are both early 30s btw.

Examples include:
Regularly talking in an actual baby voice (no human under the age of 30 around) and using phrases like "would you like some more winey winey?"
Calls her parents mumma and dadda, never mum and dad etc
Refers to a shower as a "joosh joosh" (wtf?!)
Calls her husband all sorts of really cringy pet names (in public) in a baby voice like "sausage boo" and "bubba".
She sometimes physically acts quite childlike too, it's hard to explain but things like holding a mug of tea, or a glass of water, she holds it with both hands and tips it up to sip with her arms tucked tight to her body (she has no physical disability before anyone suggests that).

It's odd as she is physically extremely petite and quite underweight and has mentioned before how she feels insecure at not having a womanly figure. So I find it odd that she chooses to act like a child if this is one of her insecurities?

Maybe I'm just a massive bitch but this is weird behaviour for a grown adult right?

YABU - this is perfectly normal, I wouldn't bat an eyelid at this behaviour
YANBU - no, weird

@babytalker123

Sympathies - I know exactly what you mean as I was raised in a similar way by controlling parents.

But I’ve become the opposite: gobby and probably quite intimidating and highly practical.

Sounds like she has emotional issues OP and isn't happy growing up. I feel a bit sorry for her. That said on a raw level I'd find it quite irritating.

She definitely turns it on and off, and she definitely does it more around men, now she’s married obviously less so but she seems to like the “I’m such a tiny little woman and here’s a big strong man” kind of situation. She does a very girly cutesy little giggle when she’s trying to charm people

One of the school Mums did this, cute at 19, sweet at 23, tolerable at 31.But fucking weird and irritating by mid-forties. As she got older she could see it working less well and so "ramped it up" which just made her more irritating.

How exactly does this harm you?

I also worked with someone that spoke to all the men in a baby voice. It was fucking ridiculous, and I said something in the end.

Not sure ‘Mumma’ and ‘Dadda’ is annoying - family names for each other vary and are quite personal, but the baby voice and ‘winey winey’ would be very grating!

@Puzzled47

No, she had a very privileged middle class upbringing

It's interesting that you think that means there aren't any childhood issues.

* Calls her parents mumma and dadda, never mum and dad etc*

Oh I didn’t realise everyone had to refer to their parents as mum and dad

I used to work with someone like this. It was her get out for doing anything she deemed beneath her. Like carrying in the delivery. In a baby voice “ I don’t think I’m strong enough for those big heavy boxes”. Cleaning “ I’m only a young girl I don’t know how to do cleaning” she was 25! It bloody worked though she used to alway get peeking stuff for her. I used to say she should take pride in being a strong independent woman but she just wasn’t interested.

It’s called age regression.

peeking- people doing

She's causing no harm leave her be even if it is annoying.

The Fast Show used to have a running sketch about this.
And we’ve all know one-I had a boss who was rock hard, until a man came on the scene, then she went all Shirley Temple. Unlike the others on this thread though, she was about 5’ 10” with shoulders like a rugby player. Most incongruous.

Ughhhh this would give me the ick and if there isn't a genuine psychological reason for it, I'd find it very hard to be around her. Any kind of 'playing pretend' or put-on behaviour makes me grossly uncomfortable.

I have a friend who does this. My theory is she acts childlike in order to maintain the image that she is not capable of being independent and to emphasise her vulnerability so people look after her and take responsibility for everything. She doesn't work and also has lots of fake conditions which stop her doing things she doesn't want to do or to get attention and special treatment for. She has issues!

Thanks for the kind comments. I've had NHS counseling of 6 weeks a few times before, but it's not enough to scratch the surface for trauma and I can't afford to pay for therapy. The baby voice never even came up, because it was one of the least of my problems, and of course really embarrassing to admit to. I just try to read around trauma and work on it myself. Unlike other people's observations on here, I'm not petite, so that seems to be due to something else at play, and like I've said I would only do this with boyfriends. Sounds like these other cutesy women have issues around adulthood too, but perhaps in a different way.

I think there's probably a lot of learned helplessness at play in both mine and these other women's cases, though.

@ForwardRanger

Seeing as we're talking about baby voices, I notice that a lot if female characters in American movies speak in baby voices. Why is that?

Just reminded me that Sarah Silverman talks in a baby voice. It softens whatever sharp/mocking/critical thing she’s saying with a cutesy delivery. It seems kind of defensive/disarming and mocking at the same time. I suppose a lot of comedians use a guileless persona to deliver barbs. I think she talks like that in real life too.

Funnily enough, I’ve got a friend who sometimes talks in a babyish cutesy voice too, and she’s a very confident, formidable person with a very responsible job in a position of leadership. It’s actually not irritating when she does it. I suppose it makes a very confident personality seem softer and more approachable – kind of like someone showing their belly and making it clear they’re not threatening. It’s also playful. Lots of personality traits are just problem-solving aren’t they?

I am with you up until the 'holding a mug with two hands' because although it might look babyish to you, if you've got small hands, a full mug is BIG and heavy.
I have always been seen as 'small', relative to my friends, and tried never to make it a thing because of course I wanted to be equal to them. but by god growing up people would call me cute and Titch and make me sit on their knee or give me piggybacks, firemen's lifts, pat me on the head, rest their elbow on my
head!🤬🤬🤬
It's fucking annoying but if I complained I was laughed off as a 'feisty wee thing' or accused of having the dreaded Small Dog Syndrome. Maybe she's got used to her status and is playing to the crowd instead of just being herself. Maybe if you want to help her, remind her that she doesn't have to play the baby with you, because you see her as your equal

@bloodyhell19

Ughhhh this would give me the ick and if there isn't a genuine psychological reason for it, I'd find it very hard to be around her. Any kind of 'playing pretend' or put-on behaviour makes me grossly uncomfortable.

Isn't 'ick' and 'icky' baby talk?

@Beetlewing

I said the ick, not icky or ick.

The Ick is a commonly recognised term used for the 'cringe' felt when dating someone or dealing with someone who puts you off, for whatever reason.

@ForwardRanger

Seeing as we're talking about baby voices, I notice that a lot if female characters in American movies speak in baby voices. Why is that?

I've noticed that many adult women on the US have very girly voices. I listen to lots of US podcasts and there are a significant number of women who sound like young teens - high pitched and breathy and just plain girly. It doesn't seem to be the same in other countries. I often wonder why this happens and might Google it now. I'm sure it must be a "thing".

Makes me think about how vocal fry used to be a popular affectation. (Also annoying as hell)

Apparently there is a theory that the pitch of a woman's voice in a particular country is in part cultural and often associated with the degree of sex equality in that country. Women in Japan have very high pitched voices and in the US they are higher pitched than those in other countries. Sounds right.

Like others. my first thought was that she might have a history of abuse which has led her to a fear of being an adult.