AIBU to find it weird when adult friend acts like a baby?

[Puzzled47]

I will preface this to say this is one of my oldest friends and I love her to bits, she is kind, thoughtful, we have great fun etc.

However, she has a habit of acting like a baby a lot of the time and it genuinely baffles me! She's always done it to some extent but I'm sure she's got worse in the last year or so. We are both early 30s btw.

Examples include:
Regularly talking in an actual baby voice (no human under the age of 30 around) and using phrases like "would you like some more winey winey?"
Calls her parents mumma and dadda, never mum and dad etc
Refers to a shower as a "joosh joosh" (wtf?!)
Calls her husband all sorts of really cringy pet names (in public) in a baby voice like "sausage boo" and "bubba".
She sometimes physically acts quite childlike too, it's hard to explain but things like holding a mug of tea, or a glass of water, she holds it with both hands and tips it up to sip with her arms tucked tight to her body (she has no physical disability before anyone suggests that).

It's odd as she is physically extremely petite and quite underweight and has mentioned before how she feels insecure at not having a womanly figure. So I find it odd that she chooses to act like a child if this is one of her insecurities?

Maybe I'm just a massive bitch but this is weird behaviour for a grown adult right?

YABU - this is perfectly normal, I wouldn't bat an eyelid at this behaviour
YANBU - no, weird

I know a lot of women like this. They're tiny. The have piggy tails. They love fluffy bunnies. Men are really into it.

I'm tall and muscular so I could never pull it off, myself. So maybe that gives me less sympathy? But I can't stand it. Be a grown up. I just can't be around those women. I have to leave the room when they come skippety skip in the poppets.

There's a woman I watch on twitch who does this very occasionally (I would not watch if she did it more often). I think I remember her mentioning that she is aware that she does this and that it's very irritating. Odd but seems like a go to reaction for certain people. The less self aware will not realise its horribly cringy.

@NightoftheLivingBread

Probably at some point in her life people found it cute. Now it’s part of her self-image.

This was definitely the case with a former colleague of mine. She was hired in her early 30s, but behaved at meetings like an under-ten who’d realised that cutesy behaviour got her adult praise, so would sort of ditz about using a breathy voice and baby language, all the while checking expressions to see how it was going down. She also wore floral anoraks and little stripy ankle wellies, and I realised to my own horror that I’d genuinely started to go along with the idea she was an actual child when I realised that getting into the lift with her any any other colleague felt like two adults taking a toddler to work.

I’d have to mention it. I’d be intrigued as to why she did it, and exactly how it worked for her. I’d approach it with a tone of casual curiosity- I’d try very hard to hide my feelings that it is annoying and unecessary. I mean clearly somewhere she got the message that it’s appealing and sweet? Or maybe she doesn’t notice herself doing it, after so long?

Either way, she’ll likely reassess it if you bring it up in a neutral tone. I’d hear her out, maybe encourage that reassessment. She unlikely to think ‘Oooo Puzzled brought it up because she can’t resist complimenting me on my cute habits’. She’ll get the picture.

The way I am with my close mates, I’d likely start ribbing her a bit. Or maybe give that ‘baby’ character a baby name and use it when the behaviour shows itself. For instance if she offered me a bloody glass of winey winey I’d be answering ‘Damn, I was hoping for a grownup drink, with my grown up friend. Sure you wouldn’t prefer warm milk??’ in a laughing tone.

Don’t think I could stand this on a regular basis- it’s in the same bucket as having to listen to ‘lightly’ misogynistic or conspiracy-related chat. I just don’t have the patience for it!

@Doona

I know a lot of women like this. They're tiny. The have piggy tails. They love fluffy bunnies. Men are really into it.

I'm tall and muscular so I could never pull it off, myself. So maybe that gives me less sympathy? But I can't stand it. Be a grown up. I just can't be around those women. I have to leave the room when they come skippety skip in the poppets.

The colleague who did this was about 5ft 8, quite muscular and fit.

She did wear stripy things and had her winter gloves done as mittens, or whatever they're called when attached to a coat. said her partner was sick of her losing them.

He left her and she was furious and told us openly at work that it was extra tough for her because she had fear of abandonment.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Why do you care what people call their parents? It can just be family terms of affection. Most of the posher types I know call their mother Mummy, Mumsy or Mama as adults.

The baby voice is weird. I would just ignore her talking like that a bit.

The funny words for things though, again I know lots of posher families who almost have a dialect of these terms and they usually stem from affectionate family humour. It doesnt bother me, although I think it's quite odd to use those sorts of things with people outside the family as its usually kind of in-jokes.

The mug thing: are you sure she doesnt have even minor issues causing this? My siblings and I do this a bit and it's because a) we are cold a lot and tucking arms against your body helps retain heat b) we all have a tendency to trapped nerves in wrists/elbows (minor/very common) and worry about dropping hot drinks. Again, bracing arms against body can help you feel like you have a more stable grip on something.

Most of the posher types I know call their mother Mummy, Mumsy or Mama as adults.

I'm listening to music to unwind and the song 100 bags by Stormzy came on, the chorus lyrics are;

So let 'em all know that my mumzy's glad
Yeah, I bought Mumzy a pad
Yeah, like, Mumzy, you're bad
Ghanaian queen, let 'em know that you're back
'Cause Mummy ain't never seen a hundred bags
Now I'm like, "Mum, buy a hundred bags"
Be right here whenever you need me
I need you to know that your son's got your back

I used to go out with a bloke who did a lost little boy act too, in his case you would need armpit gloves to dig into his porn fuelled psyche boak.

I've met very few women in my life who did this.

Every single one of them turned out to be a victim of an extremely abusive childhood or early adult relationship. Every single one.

Not saying this one definitely is, but normal sensible women with high self esteem don't act like helpless children in the normal course of events unless they have experienced trauma and have not yet fully processed it.

It is quite irritating but I don't really know what you hope to achieve from coming on here to complain about it. You say you've known her for years and love her (as does her husband apparently). You have made peace with it enough to tolerate it thus far, can't you just chalk it up to one of those things she does?

I mean all very old friendships have their weirdnesses, their taboos and their irritations. Either its a dealbreaker or its not. But its part of her personality, as opposed to being something which is relevant to her quality as a friend. You're not going to change it without causing deep upset.

Those women that I have met who did this tended to have mental health difficulties, with one exception.

A very spoiled only child of indulgent parents in her 20s, putting on a very affected childs voice to illicit sympathy when she had done something bad and when things weren't going her way. It had obviously always worked on Daddy.

You say she was privileged?

That could be the exact root cause

I’d just say “Excuse me didn’t catch that now can we it again please in English “.

Look at the way models are so often made to stand with their toes pointing together in a very childish way. Sadly, being child-like is sold as an attractive thing to be, for young women. I'm not saying this is more or less likely than the abuse idea others have suggested, but it's definitely a thing.

Name changed for this. I do this, I've never really understood why and it's not done consciously. I understand why people find it weird, because I weird myself out by it too. I come from an abusive home, I think I probably have complex PTSD. I think it's a kind of arrested development as others have said. In my home it was never safe to assert myself, have opinions, confront, I was dodging violence and my parents moods all the time. I think until a few years ago I was really lost, if you'd have asked me my opinion on many things I wouldn't have been able to answer, didn't even know what my own feelings were because I wasn't allowed to voice any. I think this baby voice for me is a way of tapping into a childlike state at the only age when I was allowed to have my own feelings, as a very small child. After a certain age I would have been punished or ridiculed, I basically wasn't allowed to be a child and explore interests, experience joy over small things, have hobbies etc. these things would always be used against me in some way. For me, I think it's a way of being a child who is allowed to do those things for a moment, kind of like playing catch up over expressing emotions that I was never allowed to express. For example, I might get really excited about seeing a rabbit out in the wild or something, in the same way a child would. I would only talk like this with boyfriends, I don't think anyone else heard me. I think I would talk to them in that way because I wanted to feel like I was safe with them, and thinking about it now, they were fulfilling some sort of parent substitute role (even though they were abusive shits, some of them). There may of course be other reasons with your friend, I just thought I'd share my perspective.

@babytalker123 Am so sorry you went through what you did. Have had therapy or do you plan to.
Thanks for being honest and sharing in this way. Really puts things into perspective and reminds us to have compassion even behind faceless internet forums

I have a friend like this! She is lovely but god it can be odd. She is an only child and I assume was really babied.

I have a friend a little like this, she is the youngest of 5 children - maybe to do with being babied her whole life?

My ex husband also did a version of this, he would put on stupid voices when talking to his childhood best friend, he did not do it around any other people though.

Maybe it's a kink she has like daddy dom/little girl.

Or, I always was very femme/girly, though I try to be less so nowadays. I don't know about arrested development as I'm sure it's something she does deliberately, at least to an extent.

My mum was tall with a strong build (not fat or anything) and she isn't excessively 'feminine' at all. I always wanted to seem feminine as opposed to like her, so I would starve myself to try and end up small and slim. I mean, she was a size 14 and 5ft 8, not massive or anything. But she doesn't have much 'girliness'/contrived femininity about her, she wold call herself a 'strong woman' which I never used to like the idea of growing up.

Maybe when your friend goes on abouut wishing she was more womanly, she's actually insincere about that.

Well yes it's weird, but if you like her I'd just overlook it.

There's a bit of an internet trend at the moment to use a lot of babyish language, especially about animals. It's not a dog, it's a "pupper" or "doggo", not a bird but a "birb", not running around but "zoomies", not teeth but "teefies"... Then you get to things like "doing a heckin jump" instead of "jumping around". I don't like it personally but maybe it's encouraged your friend?

@babytalker123 - - have you ever sat down with a therapist to explore what happened to you?

Seeing as we're talking about baby voices, I notice that a lot if female characters in American movies speak in baby voices. Why is that?

@ForwardRanger

Seeing as we're talking about baby voices, I notice that a lot if female characters in American movies speak in baby voices. Why is that?

There was a thread last year about this too. I find it annoying too but the thread decided everyone should be less judgemental. The Real Housewives from Texas has women that talk in a high breathy way, clearly some sort of affectation popular there.

Definitely point out to your friend when she’s doing it. She heeds to know it sounds odd not cute,

As a very petite woman myself (5ft exactly) I have accidentally found myself slipping into this childlike behaviour before!! When you are really small, people treat you like you are a child. I've literally been physically picked up by people. In particular, women in their 40s/50s really seem to mother me (I'm in my 20s). Even at work, people seem to speak to me like I'm on work experience and its hard not to go along with it sometimes. When I've caught myself doing it, I snap out of it. But it's definitely a thing! Probably doesn't help that my own mum was very unavailable/neglectful up until a couple of years ago so I really responded to being mothered by others.

My mother is like this. Will put on a baby voice -speaking to a nurse or a doctor, will ask " Have I been a good girl" or " Do I get a gold star"
Very annoying.

I used to work with a whole group of people who did. this One of the women even went as far as insisting she was tiny (she was about 5'4") so had to kneel on her chair to reach her keyboard. I think the low point was the day one of them came up to me and asked 'ud oo like a piece of cakey?'

As far as I know they hadn't all been abused, it seemed more like they thought they were hilarious and zany.

Call her out on it.