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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to find it weird when adult friend acts like a baby?

177 replies

Puzzled47 · 31/05/2021 21:22

I will preface this to say this is one of my oldest friends and I love her to bits, she is kind, thoughtful, we have great fun etc.

However, she has a habit of acting like a baby a lot of the time and it genuinely baffles me! She's always done it to some extent but I'm sure she's got worse in the last year or so. We are both early 30s btw.

Examples include:
Regularly talking in an actual baby voice (no human under the age of 30 around) and using phrases like "would you like some more winey winey?"
Calls her parents mumma and dadda, never mum and dad etc
Refers to a shower as a "joosh joosh" (wtf?!)
Calls her husband all sorts of really cringy pet names (in public) in a baby voice like "sausage boo" and "bubba".
She sometimes physically acts quite childlike too, it's hard to explain but things like holding a mug of tea, or a glass of water, she holds it with both hands and tips it up to sip with her arms tucked tight to her body (she has no physical disability before anyone suggests that).

It's odd as she is physically extremely petite and quite underweight and has mentioned before how she feels insecure at not having a womanly figure. So I find it odd that she chooses to act like a child if this is one of her insecurities?

Maybe I'm just a massive bitch but this is weird behaviour for a grown adult right?

YABU - this is perfectly normal, I wouldn't bat an eyelid at this behaviour
YANBU - no, weird

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 31/05/2021 21:26

Well it is weird but I’m not sure you can do anything about it.
It must not bother her husband.
I doubt you can address this without damage to your friendship.

Original poster
Puzzled47 · 31/05/2021 21:31

No I’d never say anything and she and her husband are clearly happy and it’s nothing to do with me. I’ve just accepted it as one of her quirks. I just wondered what other people would think if they saw another adult acting like that!

OP posts:
TwinkleToeMatilda · 31/05/2021 21:33

Very odd... perhaps it stems from her childhood if she had to grow up quickly for one reason or another?

sapnupuas · 31/05/2021 21:35

At an old work place, a senior manager always spoke in a baby voice. It was just bizarre.

Original poster
Puzzled47 · 31/05/2021 21:37

No, she had a very privileged middle class upbringing

OP posts:
Aprilwasverywet · 31/05/2021 21:38

Her dh is also odd for being attracted to her behaving like that. Urgh..

OrlaPeely · 31/05/2021 21:39

I know someone who did this - very dear to me but my god it was annoying!

I started not responding /being very nom-commital /seeming not to hear when the baby voice was used and they seemed to get the message - it gradually disappeared.

This person too is petite and mentions it ALL THE TIME - if they say X is taller than me but then that's not hard I just say X is taller than me too ( we are only about 2 inches apart in height).

Their family have always made a big thing of them being littlest and I think it's carried over into adulthood.

But I did get rid of the baby voice when with me.

Perhaps next time 'mumma or dadda' or a 'joosh joosh' are mentioned you can say 'oh do you mean your mum & dad/ a shower?'. Politely but consistently.

TeachesOfPeaches · 31/05/2021 21:40

I've seen quite a few documentaries where adults regress and act like children or babies and it is usually due to sexual abuse in childhood. Hopefully this isn't the case here.

NightoftheLivingBread · 31/05/2021 21:40

Probably at some point in her life people found it cute. Now it’s part of her self-image.

HappenstanceMarmite · 31/05/2021 21:40

Bitty 😏

OrlaPeely · 31/05/2021 21:40

Mine is v privileged middle class upbringing too?

Amelia666 · 31/05/2021 21:41

Although not identical, I’ve seen this behaviour before in one of my mums friends growing up; funnily enough also very petite. She’d always act like a baby in particular around men, and change from a sweary, witty woman to staring up and acting like a literal baby. It was very odd!

I assumed at the time that she was - perhaps unconsciously- trying to capitalise on her size by utilising it to incite a protective reaction to give herself and power status in this way.

No idea whether that was actually the intention, but that is what happened as the end result!

Aquamarine1029 · 31/05/2021 21:43

I couldn't spend 5 minutes with her if she's carrying on with that nonsense, and I would say so. Perhaps ask her to speak in her big girl voice so you can understand her.

Griefmonster · 31/05/2021 21:44

Middle class upbringing doesn't mean no trauma or abuse. Although it may also just be a habit she has got into that she is no longer doing it consciously.

RickJames · 31/05/2021 21:45

Maybe she is an 'adult baby'? Some people enjoy pretending to be babies - their spouses are usually on-board as mummies or daddies and they just sort of act like babies and enjoy it. Some even sleep in giant cots. I'm not saying she's that far down the road, but certainly this behaviour could feel good for her and her partner and/or parents may also enjoy the dynamic.

DelurkingAJ · 31/05/2021 21:47

Apart from the parents names (frankly anyone who complained when I call my parents what I’ve called them my whole life can go jump) that does sound maddening. But she’s probably utterly unaware and doing it because it gets her her own way?

barbrahunter · 31/05/2021 21:47

I used to work with a woman who would switch on a baby voice whenever there were men about. It made her look like a prat, to be honest.

Ostara212 · 31/05/2021 21:48

OP i had a colleague who did this

I kept quiet and one day, I got annoyed. I didn't shout, but we were on a lunchtime walk and I said "sometimes I'm not sure what you mean when you use baby expressions". She was upset and said "it's just to make work fun".

I stopped spending any lunchtime with her but I noticed she didn't talk in baby talk after that and I was relieved. I don't think I could cope with a friend doing it.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 31/05/2021 21:48

I've known a few women like this - I think it must have paid off for them (first with their parents, and then with men) because women and girls are meant to be little and cute and non threatening.

The only time it has annoyed me is once or twice when they have claimed to want a more womanly figure (as in your example) or to be taller, or not to be afraid of spiders/nice (when I as the resident gargantuan peasant have had to deal with said creature). It has annoyed me because I felt it was insincere, and far from wanting to be bigger or willing to deal with nasty jobs, they were really contrasting themselves with me, and preening themselves! Which may just have been the bitter workings of my undainty mind.

Blacktothepink · 31/05/2021 21:49

Arrested personality development.

BigHeadBertha · 31/05/2021 21:51

@Ostara212

OP i had a colleague who did this

I kept quiet and one day, I got annoyed. I didn't shout, but we were on a lunchtime walk and I said "sometimes I'm not sure what you mean when you use baby expressions". She was upset and said "it's just to make work fun".

I stopped spending any lunchtime with her but I noticed she didn't talk in baby talk after that and I was relieved. I don't think I could cope with a friend doing it.

I'd try something like this.
Hellocatshome · 31/05/2021 21:52

Very middle class upbringing doesn't protect you for sexual, physical or emotional abuse which may all be reasons for her behaviour

BigHeadBertha · 31/05/2021 21:53

If speaking to her about it didn't put a stop to her doing this around me, I might stop hanging out with her.

It sounds extremely off-putting and makes her seem too silly to bother with. Maybe that's just me though; I don't know.

gamerchick · 31/05/2021 21:55

Sounds annoying. Almost as annoying as on here when people use the voting buttons for a poll.

We've all met that woman who puts on a baby voice in front of men. It's cringeworthy. I'd always assume it's a throwback from childhood that hasn't been adulted out of them. If you indulge then how do they know?

EmpressWitchDoesntBurn · 31/05/2021 21:56

I assumed at the time that she was - perhaps unconsciously- trying to capitalise on her size by utilising it to incite a protective reaction to give herself and power status in this way.

Huh. I’m 4ft11 and that’s exactly why I wouldn’t do this sort of thing, I’d far rather be taken seriously.