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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my husband to leave

85 replies

Lookingforthecoffeerevels · 31/05/2021 19:01

Long time lurker here. But my first post. I'm at the end of my tether with him. I've just tried to talk to him about our relationship. He has spent the entire day gaming. He hasn't spent any time with me or dds. This is completely usual for him. I tried to explain that it would be nice if we could spend some time together. He ignored me. I asked why we're even together if he's not bothered to be with me. His answer was, well I've put up with you for this long haven't I?
He shows no interest in me. I do everything in the house. He won't do anything without me asking first. If I ask more than once then I'm nagging. There are many DIY jobs waiting over a year for him. He won't do them but won't let me get someone in .
He puts me down a lot and will sneer and call me stupid. I have depression and when I asked him to be more supportive he's just said that I don't do enough to help myself. I am so sick of it and realise I can't live like this for the rest of my life.
Basically, Aibu to say he should leave. He thinks I am and tbh I've always put up with his behaviour.
Thanks for reading this ramble.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 31/05/2021 19:03

It's no wonder you have depression, you're in a miserable marriage. Tell him you're filing for divorce.

randomkey123 · 31/05/2021 19:03

No wonder you're depressed.

What a waste of a life to sit there gaming on a bank holiday.

YANBU, grab life with both hands Flowers

AlmostSummer21 · 31/05/2021 19:04

Urgh. What a waste of space he is!!

Thing is, what to motivate him to go. He's got it cushy.

Do you own or rent?

minionsrule · 31/05/2021 19:04

Not unreasonable at all.
He brings nothing positive to your life and I can only imagine life will be easier if he leaves.

Original poster
Lookingforthecoffeerevels · 31/05/2021 19:09

Thank you. It's what I need to hear. We own our house, but I know he won't leave . We've had this conversation before so many times. I just don't know what to do.

OP posts:
itsmellslikepopcarn · 31/05/2021 19:12

From someone who's ex of 8 years (separated for over 2 now) sounds exactly like this, I can tell you life will be so much better once you're no longer together.

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 31/05/2021 19:15

You do know what to do, you have to find the strength now to go through with it. See a solicitor and go from there. Good luck OP, you’ll be so much better off.

RandomMess · 31/05/2021 19:16

You start divorce proceedings. Stop doing anything for him and start living separately under the same roof you can claim UC as a single parent providing you do none of his laundry, cleaning of his areas, food shopping or cooking - no communal anything anymore.

You can even claim CMS from him unless he is going to do 50:50.

frogsbreath · 31/05/2021 19:22

He's not a presence in your lives, if you were to separate what would change? I think you would have fewer worries, but actually starting the separation process off is terrifying. But you will come out the other side just fine. Take care of yourself because you can't depend on him.

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/05/2021 19:25

Don’t bother discussing it with him, go and see a lawyer ASAP with as much info as you’ve got.

You can’t get him out now if he doesn’t want to go, it belongs to both of you. But you can file for divorce and start the ball rolling.

pilates · 31/05/2021 19:25

What a gross man. You need to get rid ASAP. I’m sure your depression will improve when he has gone.

Original poster
Lookingforthecoffeerevels · 31/05/2021 19:25

Thank you all. Of course, you're right, I do know what to do. I just need to do it. I suppose I always think he'll change, but he doesn't. Even though I spoke to him before about leaving, he's not said a word to me and is inside watching the fking chase . He's a knob

OP posts:
DeRigueurMortis · 31/05/2021 19:30

The easiest way to cure your depression is by leaving the emotional vampire you're living with.

He's a shitty partner and shitty father.

So no, you are very reasonable to ask him to leave.

But before you do, go see a solicitor, know your rights and collect copies of important documents (passports, pay slips, savings/bank accounts etc and put them somewhere safe).

Dddccc · 31/05/2021 19:33

He may be a knob but still his home and legally you can't kick him out do you work op? Could you afford the house without him its also very hard to claim as a single person while living in the same house, sound like he has switched off from family life get your ducks in a row and see a solicitor

Lovingspring · 31/05/2021 19:33

Have you any DC @Lookingforthecoffeerevels ?

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/05/2021 19:35

She literally refers to her daughters in the OP.

Royalbloo · 31/05/2021 19:36

Get a man in, kick this one out! It's the best decision you'll ever make (he will either wallow and continue to be useless or sort himself out - not up to you!)

Royalbloo · 31/05/2021 19:38

This scares me into being single - I don't want someone to watch the chase while I run around like a lunatic waiting for some sort of validation or thanks which will never, ever, come.

Original poster
Lookingforthecoffeerevels · 31/05/2021 19:39

I have 2 teenage daughters. He talks down to them too. I do work, but he earns more. I probably couldn't manage the bills on my own sadly

OP posts:
Chillychangchoo · 31/05/2021 19:39

That’s horrible, leave the bastard!! Doesn’t bring much to the table does he? 💐

Original poster
Lookingforthecoffeerevels · 31/05/2021 19:41

Royalbloo, you're right. I'm stupid looking for validation. He'll never admit he's wrong. He's always been like this and so are all of his mental family

OP posts:
Original poster
Lookingforthecoffeerevels · 31/05/2021 19:43

He really doesn't bring anything to the table. In fact, he's also a hoarder and you can't even get to the bastard table anyway for all his gaming shit.

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 31/05/2021 19:43

He's not a presence in your lives
well - he is, but a bloody oppressive one.
Your and your childrens lives would be so much better without this aggressive man-child in your lives.
See a solicitor and get advice on getting rid.

Or size up the patio

Royalbloo · 31/05/2021 19:44

Ah don't feel bad - we have all worked our arses off waiting for someone who is meant to love us to say thank you - it's not fucking hard is it? But the fact he doesn't appreciate you speaks volumes about him and is NOTHING to do with you. He sounds like a horrible person, but I'm sure you can come up with a handful of examples where he behaved perfectly (usually in front of company).

Leg it! (If you can safely and financially survive - you'll be so much happier without doing all his crap)! X

Royalbloo · 31/05/2021 19:44

Don't think everyone is like you - some people are really, really shit x