To ask my husband to leave

[Lookingforthecoffeerevels]

Long time lurker here. But my first post. I'm at the end of my tether with him. I've just tried to talk to him about our relationship. He has spent the entire day gaming. He hasn't spent any time with me or dds. This is completely usual for him. I tried to explain that it would be nice if we could spend some time together. He ignored me. I asked why we're even together if he's not bothered to be with me. His answer was, well I've put up with you for this long haven't I?
He shows no interest in me. I do everything in the house. He won't do anything without me asking first. If I ask more than once then I'm nagging. There are many DIY jobs waiting over a year for him. He won't do them but won't let me get someone in .
He puts me down a lot and will sneer and call me stupid. I have depression and when I asked him to be more supportive he's just said that I don't do enough to help myself. I am so sick of it and realise I can't live like this for the rest of my life.
Basically, Aibu to say he should leave. He thinks I am and tbh I've always put up with his behaviour.
Thanks for reading this ramble.

My daughters have seen his behaviour and they know it's not reasonable or ok. I tell them not to put up with it if they meet someone. I know how pathetic this sounds and want much better for them.

All the best op, it should be family first then games as and when, when you have a family you have more important responsibilities.

He wants Benefits of in a relationship but he doesn't want to lose the benefits of being single, So he's getting all the benefits and you're getting all the costs in other words there's nothing in it for you so make a plan to extract yourself!

Even if you hold initial discussions with a Solicitor OP, then you can make progress by being informed. Also, next time you raise this subject, if the OH tries to tell you what you are or aren't entitled to, you can put him back in his place with the information you have gained.

It might also be enough for him to start pulling his socks up. From reading your posts, would I be correct that if he did change his behaviour and became a functioning member of the family, you might stay?

This is identical to my exH. He spent all his spare money and time on his stupid games. (As well as being a total arsehole to boot)

I told him to leave every night for a week. He eventually went to his mothers, kept coming back to see if I'd changed my mind, and often told me how bad his life was now, not once asking me how mine was (absolutely wonderful since he moved out BTW)

He's a selfish lazy leech. He's never going to change. Promise yourself you'll do one thing every day to make a change, but you CAN and WILL get rid of this man. I divorced mine 10 years ago and I've never looked back .

If the fact that when the decree nisi was issued he text me abuse in KLINGON wasnt enough of a reassurance I'd done the right thing... I don't know what is.

You’re doing the right thing, Op. Don’t waste any more years on him [flowers)]

I knew my partner wouldn’t leave, and so I did. I was fortunate to be in the position to be able to do so. I understand legally there are only a few situations / exceptions in which a court would compel a partner to leave the family home. You should obtain legal advice about what are your best options going forward.

This does not sound pathetic at all.

It's scary but you are taking the first steps. And we're right behind you.

@tara66

Royalbloo ''Leg it'' you say - but it is HER house - so why should SHE do the legging? Change the locks and dump his stuff outside is the usual advice - but see a solicitor first. He may be entitled to half the value of the house though.

Please ignore this ridiculous advice. He co-owns the house. You can't just change the locks and prevent access to his own property.

I really wish people would stop advocating this illegal stance

Children learn by what they know and see. Your Ds will see this situation as normal family life and there is a very high chance they may accept this for themselves in adult life.
Leave for them . Teach them and show them what is acceptable and what is not.
Making the first step is so hard but then the relief comes. The peace, self respect and happiness comes.