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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

You don’t keep hold of borrowed equipment for months and then get defensive when you are asked for it...

82 replies

GordonsAliveAndEatsPies · 31/05/2021 18:25

We leant someone a piece of equipment worth about £150. One of those things that you don’t need to use often so is a pain to buy, but is certainly worth having. They finished using it ages ago but have had it for months and it has taken 3 requests to get it back. A time for it to be returned has now been rearranged with the comment that they would have brought it back if it was urgent. What about returning something because it’s good manners to return something that’s not yours?

OP posts:
Holly60 · 31/05/2021 18:46

YANBU. If you borrow something and the lenders ask for it back, you return it immediately regardless of the circumstances.

drpet49 · 31/05/2021 18:55

I bet they held onto it in the hope you would forget about it and then they could keep it for themselves.

SavageBeauty73 · 31/05/2021 19:07

What a piss take. I borrowed my friends lawn mower earlier and returned it after 2 hours. I bet they are hoping you forget

Onceuponatime1818 · 31/05/2021 19:09

This happened to us and when we finally got it back it was broken... which wasn’t mentioned!

Honeyroar · 31/05/2021 19:10

Have you checked it works ok? How rude of them. I wouldn’t lend them anything again.

TwoAndAnOnion · 31/05/2021 19:11

Have they actually go it - has it been broken or lost or sold?

Kisskiss · 31/05/2021 19:12

I’m sure you know they are being unreasonable! Next time they ask, say it’s unavailable..

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 31/05/2021 19:43

I've had this happen.

I've also had people never return items and get pissy with me for mentioning it

My sister, who is a massive cunt anyway once presented me as a Lady Bountiful act of largesse in front of XBIL "a bag of things that are going to charity, but you our poor relation, are welcome to"

Everything in it was mine. And that is probably the least worst thing she has done to me.

BedknobsNoBroomsticks · 31/05/2021 19:48

I reckon they have learnt it to someone else or broken it.

BlankTimes · 31/05/2021 19:52

If you borrow something, you should use it straight away and return it within a quick timeframe.
You should also make sure it's cleaned and in the same if not better condition that it was when you borrowed it.
Then you should thank the lender and if it saved you a lot of money, maybe give a small gift for their generosity.

Yes, that's old-fashioned, but it's a pleasant way to behave and good manners cost nothing.

A friend lent his NDN a brand new pair of stepladders. NDN kept them over a year and when he did grudgingly return them after repeated requests they were covered from top to bottom with large splodges of about 6 different colours of emulsion. Then CF NDN asked how long friend would be because he wanted them back to do more work.

Even more old fashioned is the saying Neither a borrower nor a lender be.

In today's world, don't lend anyone anything you can't afford to lose and don't expect it back in working or clean condition. Sad

twoshedsjackson · 31/05/2021 20:29

As I've said on another thread, there are sadly some folk who don't value things which are on loan, because they have not paid for them - they begin to see it as theirs, and are irritated when asked for it back.
They count on you not wishing to appear petty for asking for things to be returned.
Yes, I've learned this the hard way.

MsFogi · 31/05/2021 20:34

YANBU I take it you will never lend them anything again.

justawoman76 · 31/05/2021 20:42

YANBU
We loaned our expensive piece of DIY equipment and accessories that went with it to a friend who never gave us it back despite repeated requests. They then moved away and took it with them never to be seen again.
So cheeky.

Thelnebriati · 31/05/2021 20:45

YANBU. I've stopped lending stuff as I never get it back, or if I do its broken and unusable. I've even had one person act like I'm being unreasonable because they lent it to someone else who didnt return it!

Member984815 · 31/05/2021 20:45

This is why I won't lend things , I've lent kitchen equipment before only for it not to be returned and in constant use by the borrower. Only got it it back when i asked so many times and it was broken. Lent same person clothing and never saw it again and was told they gave it back . Learned my lesson now

Gothichouse40 · 31/05/2021 20:50

I don't lend anyone anything, the OPs story is why. This mug stopped lending stuff out years ago. Too many users and p*- takers out there and I got sick of having to ask for stuff back, then all the excuses would start. Lending stuff is more hassle than what it's worth. If your friends take the huff at you asking for your own stuff back, it says more about them than you. They should actually be mortified and apologise to you for having the item that long.

Gothichouse40 · 31/05/2021 20:51

What also annoys me is when the borrower lends the item to other people, when it's not even theirs to lend.

Dartsplayer · 31/05/2021 21:13

@justawoman76

YANBU We loaned our expensive piece of DIY equipment and accessories that went with it to a friend who never gave us it back despite repeated requests. They then moved away and took it with them never to be seen again. So cheeky.
That happened to us too - CFery at its best
gulliblestravels · 31/05/2021 21:31

Sounds like they’ve loaned it out!

HerNameIsIncontinentiaButtocks · 31/05/2021 21:44

I only ever lend stuff out expecting not to get it back. Usually it does come back, but I never rely on that. Always a pleasant surprise.

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/05/2021 21:56

It’s probably broken and they’re hoping you’ll forget.

Sceptre86 · 31/05/2021 22:03

I lent my bil a wallpaper stripper, it wasn't expensive but this was 2 years ago. I was under the impression that they had returned it, according to dh they had. I realised they hadn't when I went hunting for it in the garage. I am due in 3 months time and have asked for it back so I can get my son's new bedroom ready ahead of our baby arriving. Sil was in a strop as they still need it.

Yanbu, if I borrow something I will use it and return it in a timely manner not a few years later.

WillYouDoTheFandango · 31/05/2021 22:44

ExP and his in and out laws are the cheekiest of cheeky fuckers when it comes to borrowing things.

I (in ordinary times) travel a lot for work so have a lot of different luggage options to choose from depending on how much equipment I need to take. I sometimes have to travel at very short notice.

Now ex BiL asked to borrow my Ryan Air-compliant hand luggage case. He then unknown to me lent it on to his sister in law (16) to go on a school trip. After repeated requests for it back, I got a message from her dad, Hmm exBiL’s FiL, saying he’d popped it in his loft as it would come in handy but to let him know if I was travelling and he’d get it down. I nipped that in the bud then and there! He had the cheek to be offended I’d asked for it back.

SouthOfFrance · 31/05/2021 22:50

Honestly, I've seen these type of threads before. Your friend has broken it & hasn't got the good manners to let you know and offer to repair or replace it. If I'm wrong I'll eat my hat.

Eachpeachpears · 31/05/2021 23:00

It's a jet washer isn't it?!