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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

You don’t keep hold of borrowed equipment for months and then get defensive when you are asked for it...

82 replies

GordonsAliveAndEatsPies · 31/05/2021 18:25

We leant someone a piece of equipment worth about £150. One of those things that you don’t need to use often so is a pain to buy, but is certainly worth having. They finished using it ages ago but have had it for months and it has taken 3 requests to get it back. A time for it to be returned has now been rearranged with the comment that they would have brought it back if it was urgent. What about returning something because it’s good manners to return something that’s not yours?

OP posts:
mineofuselessinformation · 01/06/2021 09:58

A few years back, I lent my lawnmower to the young who lived behind me, assuming it was a one-off.
They then proceeded to ask for it every couple of weeks until I made it plain it wasn't going to happen any more.....

Amdone123 · 01/06/2021 10:11

Such bad manners, YANBU. I don't feel the need to borrow anything from anyone else, but if I did, I would be quite anxious about getting it back in time.
My sister let someone use her marquee for a garden party. Came back broken, friends say it wasn't them...... It's just not worth it.
My OH once let a colleague use our travel iron. We go away quite a lot, so I kept asking OH to get it back. He got nowhere so no travel iron returned.
It's so true Neither a borrower nor a lender be. It's just not worth it. Always ends in tears.

Xenia · 01/06/2021 10:13

I just try never to lend stuff to others. It's a lot simpler and saves having to ask for it back etc. I agree with Amdone - neither a borrower nor a lender be.

honeygirlz · 01/06/2021 10:15

Hope you get it back, OP!

I've had the opposite problem a couple of times, I try to give stuff back to people and they insist it wasn't theirs.

Momidge · 01/06/2021 10:20

I read somewhere recently about how to be financially savvy - said to never buy something when you could borrow it!

Here was me thinking what a mug I've been all these years owning various bits of equipment that weren't every day use items! Grin

ApolloandDaphne · 01/06/2021 10:28

I am willing to bet it is broken.

Dohrehmee · 01/06/2021 10:44

We borrowed our aunt our ladder as she wanted to decorate her home. She returned it covered in paint blobs and cement stuck on. Our ladder was brand new . Couldn’t she have at least covered the ladder to minimise paint Abd try to remove the excess. Cf

LindaEllen · 01/06/2021 10:45

I lent my friend a firestick to watch ONE film in 2018. Still haven't got it back despite asking for it (it was one I was giving to my mum - my old one). Mum has since bought her own but that's not the point. My 'friend' uses it regularly. I don't know where he lives as he's moved house in the meantime and we know the area but not the exact address.

aiwblam · 01/06/2021 10:46

Yanbu
Because people behave like this, I won’t lend

ClareBlue · 01/06/2021 10:53

I just can not get my head around people who do this. The very rare times we borrow anything we send it back straight away pristine clean and with thanks. What sense of entitlement means you think it is ok to behave this way?
As they say where I was brought up 'there's nothing as queer as folk' and as you go through life you agree more and more.

ApolloandDaphne · 01/06/2021 10:55

@Dohrehmee

We borrowed our aunt our ladder as she wanted to decorate her home. She returned it covered in paint blobs and cement stuck on. Our ladder was brand new . Couldn’t she have at least covered the ladder to minimise paint Abd try to remove the excess. Cf
To be fair a ladder that is going to be used for decorating is always going to get paint and stuff on it. I don't think I could get upset about that. Covering it whilst using it would be very dangerous.
justawoman76 · 01/06/2021 10:57

This has also reminded me that I loaned a very new hardback book to a colleague at work. I collect this authors full works and had just read it myself. It came back without the dust jacket. They had 'lost it'. Under normal circumstances I wouldn't be that annoyed but since I actually make a point of buying these books, I now have one in the collection without its duct jacket which is very annoying. Lesson learned.
Also, my Mum loaned her sewing machine to a friend several months ago. Said friend never returned it despite repeated requests. My Mum sews a lot. She has since purchased a replacement sewing machine (I know) because she is fed up of asking for it back.
Unbelievable these people!

Pleasedontsayyouloveme · 01/06/2021 10:58

That's bad. I always return something as soon as I'm finished using it if I've borrowed it. Don't want the responsibility of looking after it for any longer than I need to! Classic overworrier...

PatchWorkAnnie · 01/06/2021 11:02

@Onceuponatime1818

This happened to us and when we finally got it back it was broken... which wasn’t mentioned!
This happened to me too :(
Branleuse · 01/06/2021 11:05

Yeah I agree.
Ive decided to not lend my carpet washer out again, not because of refusal to return, but because kept getting more damaged in transport each time

SixDegrees · 01/06/2021 11:06

YANBU.

I’d never be lending anything to this person again.

TurquoiseDragon · 01/06/2021 11:13

There are a couple of people I'm willing to lend to, because I trust them to give stuff back, and in good condition. Anyone else can forget it.

justasking111 · 01/06/2021 11:25

Friend borrowed a v. expensive meat slicer, we got it back eventually motor burnt out had tried to cut through bone. We did manage to get a new motor.

Pressure washer regularly lent out only to family now.

Compressor been with someone for three months a real pain when I needed to blow up my tyres.

Never used to get books back either.

justasking111 · 01/06/2021 11:26

@Branleuse

Yeah I agree. Ive decided to not lend my carpet washer out again, not because of refusal to return, but because kept getting more damaged in transport each time
Oh have lent out my almost new vax carpet cleaner, I hope that comes back in good working order eek.
honeygirlz · 01/06/2021 11:27

It's a double edged sword - the friends I would be happy to lend things to are too nice to ask Grin

honeygirlz · 01/06/2021 11:28

Oh have lent out my almost new vax carpet cleaner, I hope that comes back in good working order eek.

Get it back soon. Say someone else has asked for it too.

anguauberwaldironfoundersson · 01/06/2021 11:39

A friend of mine A lent out a really expensive piece of cutting equipment to another mutual friend B as they were renovating their house. Friend B kept it for about three months and during that time needed to replace the blade. When B eventually returned it, they wanted A to give them the £120 cost of the new blade.

A told them to jog on. B had failed to realise that to buy the equipment would have been several hundred pounds and to hire for 3 months would have been more than the cost of the blade regardless.

Pyewackect · 01/06/2021 11:59

Slightly off piste but I was given a present for Christmas, wrapped and everything. Then the friend who gave it to me ask if she could borrow it. Never saw it again.

Similarly, I was asked by a member of my family if I could lend them some money , £2500, and they'd pay me back in three months. 12 months later, and after some gentle reminders, I up-front asked for it back. She told me not to get my arse out and she'd pay me when she could. She hasn't spoken to me since.

Lesson learnt.

OhRene · 01/06/2021 13:06

Ah yes. Lending. Aka giving away stuff you pay for to cheeky guys who overuse, lose or abuse it because it's a freebie.

I have two fancy (£100+ each) animal traps that were returned after YEARS and it took me chasing them down and asking for them back.
The heavy duty cover is missing and both, despite being brand new when lent, are completely rusted and absolutely filthy. They didn't even get cleaned before retuning. Covered in chunks of stone, crumbling leaves, dust, cobwebs and all sorts of nastiness. WHY?!

And there were my much loved ghd straighteners. As a fuzzy haired hagrid hair-a-like they were absolutely vital. My own mother (I was an adult and she picked them up when visiting my house) lent them to her friend. They came back broken. Friend shrugged and said, "Well they were working when I had them" and that was the end of that. I couldn't afford replacements for months.

Now I'm Gollum when it comes to my stuff. No lending. Everything is My Precious to me.

Original poster
GordonsAliveAndEatsPies · 01/06/2021 13:54

Well she same and returned it. I don't know if it works but DH will be using it this week so that will become apparent.

The visit was without incident - other than her admiring something else she wanted to use and going through a number of scenarios that she thought would force us to do so. We both said absolutely not, under any circumstance. Only then did she let it drop.

OP posts: