Feeling left out by boyfriends family

[KMac1997]

I could just be over reacting but it’s starting to hurt. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, lived together for 2 and have a beautiful 7 month old son. We met through mutual friends and he is the love of my life, our relationship is amasing. When we first got together I came to stay at his mothers house and his older brother and his then pregnant girlfriend lived there also. The brothers girlfriend caused a lot of drama, she had her child’s christening on my birthday (it was booked with 2 days notice..) myself and my boyfriend had planned to away to stay at a hotel that weekend as my birthday was on the Saturday and we had told them that we were going away on the Wednesday and on the Thursday she booked her sons christening for the Saturday and made my boyfriend the God Father and made a scene that he can’t miss his christening so we cancelled the stay away.. at the christening she got herself very very drunk and started telling me how I am not part of the family and she is and I should never take my boyfriend away from his family.. I was not trying to do any such thing, we were going away for my birthday. Few months had went past of not speaking to eachother and avoiding eachother then my partners mother made us make up as she won’t have awkwardness under her roof.. baring in mind she was drunk when she made us apologise to eachother as they were away to a “gin day” at a hotel and I was not invited. Now that I have my own son he never gets to see his granny because she always has the other grandson as my partners brother and girlfriend both work full-time, one does night shift in a care home and the other works in a bar until late so his mum has the other grandson 3-4 nights a week also during the day for 5 of those days. My son never gets a chance to see his granny and when we ask her (weeks in advance) to take our son for a night to give me a break as I moved 30 miles away from my parents to be with my boyfriend so I only have his mum close to me she wants him dropped off at 7pm and to be picked up again by 9am as she normally has the other grandson the next day. It’s not fair on me or my partner as we never get time together as he works 5 nights a week and I’m alone 90% of the time. His mum is always planning days out with his brothers girlfriend e.g the the farm or the zoo or out for lunch and I’m never asked to go and when I say that I’m feeling left out they shoot down my emotions and tell me I’m over reacting I just don’t know what to do anymore it’s starting to cause issues between myself and my boyfriend as I was upset about it yesterday and was crying as they had planned to go out for lunch and I wasn’t invited and when I asked if they were going I was lied to and told they weren’t going anywhere when I heard them talking about it right beside me.. my partner has also noticed it and has tried speaking to his mother about it and she yet again said I’m being “silly” and that she doesn’t have favourites. Just at a loss and feel so lonely. My son wakes up every hour and a half at night time and is clung to me all night so I never get a break and constantly run down. My own family take him when they can but I’ve a disabled younger sister and it is hard on them too. Just feel so lonely

I would move closer to my own family, as the situation with dp’s family is awful and I wouldn’t want his family in my life. Despite denying it mil and brother’s wife quite clearly aren’t interested in you or your son. Your dp has spoken to his dm, who has “yet again said I’m being “silly” and that she doesn’t have favourites.” Despite knowing how you feel she still clearly isn’t including you in any trips or meals out, so I don’t see this changing. To be honest, if they did include you, you would probably feel even worse as you would almost certainly be ignored or brother’s girlfriend would make it very clear that you are only there under sufferance! There isn’t time in your dp’s dm’s life for your ds. She looks after her other gc 5 days a week and the rest of her time is spent going out with him and his mother (tbh this sounds a very stifling relationship)!

You need to move away from this toxic relationship before your ds realises that his gm spends all her time with his cousin and their dm and isn’t interested in him? If that means you and your dp splitting up, then so be it, because if the situation remains as it is your relationship is not going to survive anyway!

From your post the disapproval of their drinking comes across loud and clear. I wouldn't want to hang around with drunk people either but I wouldn't want to. Why do you want your child looked after by such awful people? I don't understand why you want more contact, I'd be running a mile!

I understand a lot of peoples points here but I think some things have been mis-understood. I have a very good friendship with my MIL she is fantastic, when we can to see her we have always gotten on. I was always invited places before I had my son. We would always be out for lunch etc and I would ask her to join me with my own family for days out etc. It’s only since I’ve had my son that I’ve been being left out and not included in their plans. I do not expect her to take my son at all. There have been times that myself and my partner have been invited to birthday parties etc where alcohol would be being drank and I’m still not comfortable drinking around or near my son (nothing wrong with it I just don’t feel comfortable doing it). So we would ask her to babysit for the night and 9 times out of 10 there is an excuse. However my BIL and SIL are out almost every weekend partying and away on weekends away atleast once a month and don’t have an issue with babysitting.. it’s just a lot of favouritism being shown and I’ve taken a big step back and realised that I should t be trying to force anyone to be in mine or my sons life. My DP is fantastic with our son and he also helps out when he can however he works very hard to provide for us as a family and isn’t at home as much as I would like him to be so he is not the problem. Some people commenting saying that I shouldn’t be complaining and wanting a break do not know the full story. My son is 7 months old he has been crawling from 4.5 months and is a very very needy child, he wants to be held constantly and has separation anxiety when I am away so he is clung to me 24 hours a day and I’m sorry but I’m not the worlds perfect mum. I’m 24 years old who had worked almost everyday of my life since I was 16 years old. I fell pregnant and then a pandemic hit so I was furloughed and self isolating for over a year and still on maternity leave. It has been extremely lonely. I went to every appointment and scan ALONE. I done all of the new born night feeds ALONE. I spent the first 6 months of my babies life alone in the house apart from the two hours a day we see my DP between shifts and sleep and his days off (2 a week) so it has been hard going. I’m aware a lot of people are worse off than me but I have struggled with my mental health for the past 4 years and everyday I am getting a little better but it’s not nice now being isolated as I have a son who is quite hard work. I’m still me

Sorry OP, it sounds very hard.

How is MIL ‘fantastic’? Sounds like she’s always leaving you out?

I think Mil is probably exhausted from looking after her other grandchild and think you and her son can cope as you are a SAHM. Very hurtful for you though that she doesn’t want to spend time with you and your dc in or out of the house. Do you know why?

She was fantastic, I should correct myself. She bought a lot of clothes, toys etc for my son before he was born which I will always thank her for. She is a lovely person inside and out but just at the minute she seems to be favouring the other GC and we get forgotten about. I think I just need to stop taking it so personally. I don’t make friends easily and I think I’m just relying on my partners family too much as they are the only people I have contact with except my own family. A lot of my “friends” I haven’t heard from since I had my son but that’s how it usually goes, time to move on☺️

Any chance of moving closer to your family?

I am waiting on housing.. I am currently in a one bedroom upstairs apartment with no lift. I have rang multiple times about being transferred however I’ve been told the waiting list is 2 years🙀🙀 fingers crossed something comes up before then as I could not afford to buy my own home at the minute and private renting isn’t an option as a lot of landlords want a deposit and first months rent upfront which is a lot of money for me right now due to covid. All round nightmare, think I need a holiday lol 😂😂😂

Have you had a name-change failure?

Can you stay with your family for a break? You're young and sound a bit needy, I doubt that bf's family will be willing to provide the support that you're wanting.

Op your baby is very young and very different to a toddler. It would be very difficult for them to take him at this stage.

You do sound very young, very unhappy and in need of someone to help you. Your family is only thirty miles away, can’t you stay there for a while?

OP could you perhaps go and spend a week with your family? I know you said it's difficult because you have a disabled sister, but if you were there 24/7, I'm sure that your Mum would find some time for you, and even if you only sit and rest whilst nursing your baby and chatting to your Mum, I feel sure that it would do you good. I also wonder if you're not suffering a bit with postnatal depression, it's a long time ago since I had a baby, but presumably you still get to see a health visitor from time to time, maybe you could ask her if there are any other new mums in your area, who are feeling a bit isolated and would be glad of a bit of company? Are there any baby groups locally where you could meet other mums? I know you said you don't make friends easily, but you have a baby now, and if you weren't an adult before, NOW is the time that you have to grow up and become one for your child's sake. I think you definitely need to stop focusing on your BF's family, and start making new friends where you are, while turning to your own family for the emotional support that you need. Just my opinion of course, but please don't stay home and continue to isolate now that you don't have to. Even if you just take your baby out for a walk each day, perhaps stop at the local park, where you're bound to see other young Mums, all you have to do then is maybe admire their baby, or their buggy or whatever, to start a conversation, and before you know it, even if you don't make a friend, you have stepped outside of yourself, and made the effort which is bound to make you feel better.