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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you returned to work full time after mat leave, who looked after your baby?

104 replies

goooooop · 31/05/2021 07:31

Contemplating putting 1 year old in nursery full time and I feel awfully sad about this, and just wondered how common it is and what other people did?

OP posts:
OloBo · 31/05/2021 13:21

4 days a week from 12/13 months with both of mine. I was desperately sad, as I would have loved to be in a position to be a SAHM BUT, they have both loved nursery, and it’s offered different benefits to their development than I would have done at home (neither is better, just different). More of the sadness is for me than them.

Rainyday4321 · 31/05/2021 13:28

Childminder.

From - gasp- 6 months.
Zero guilt. Love them to pieces but never had any interest in or intention to be a SAHM. Kids were fine.

Onesnowynight · 31/05/2021 14:03

Ds1- my dm for a year then nursery as my mum was unbelievably unreliable
Ds2- my dm we gave her a second chance and my mil who had to be prepared to have ds when my dm decided not too because it was inconvenient

BuggerBognor · 31/05/2021 14:09

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

wasthataburp · 31/05/2021 14:10

Grandmas do one day each and nursery 3 days

IncorrigibleTitmouse · 31/05/2021 14:11

DC went to nursery from 6 months when I went back to work. 4 days a week there, the other day with MIL.

NeverForgetYourDreams · 31/05/2021 21:00

@Rainyday4321

Childminder.

From - gasp- 6 months.
Zero guilt. Love them to pieces but never had any interest in or intention to be a SAHM. Kids were fine.

:-)

I went back to work two days a week after 6 weeks then at 3 months DS went to nursery part time then full time later that year.

Run own business. In fact was doing finance at home after 2 weeks ;-)

Dustyhedge · 31/05/2021 21:15

I have done 3 days and 4 days. In all honesty 3 days was much better for my children and 4 days has been better for me work wise. However, I effectively do a full time job but get paid for 4 days. The advantage of doing full time is hopefully being less stressed at work. However, I would personally find it quite hard. I do think it is actually easier at nursery age in many ways though. They know no different and most kids are in all day so they are all in the same boat and you don’t need to worry about dinner etc. School is a different kettle of fish and I’ve found the juggle and guilt much worse.

There is a definite head v heart thing. Long-term working makes sense but it has made my heart ache when my child has been the last one collected from wrap around and asks why most of the mummies just collect at pick-up time.

Soontobe60 · 31/05/2021 21:17

Full time childminder from 3 months old. Maternity pay was shit in the 90s!

Newmumatlast · 31/05/2021 21:30

Husband had shared parental leave for 4 months so we had same amount of time off then grandparents stepped in

MinorCharacter · 31/05/2021 21:33

FT childminder from 8 months. She was great.

bakingdemon · 31/05/2021 21:41

Nanny share with next door neighbours 4 days a week. Worked brilliantly and was less £££ than nursery bc all costs were split.

ballroompink · 31/05/2021 22:16

Childminder!

It has worked really well for us.

SallyCinnamon3009 · 31/05/2021 22:30

Managed to compress hours into four days. OH only works 30 hrs so has a day off in week. 2 days nursery, 1 day grandparents, 1 day me 1 day OH

MrsAukerman · 31/05/2021 22:36

An amazing childminder local to me.
Cheaper than nursery and more family-like in set-up. Her kids ate and played with the mindees. She did the school run with them, celebrated special days with them and had amazing play spaces and strong routine. I'm sure most of this would be replicated in a nursery but I really valued the one-on-one relationships. No staff turnover etc, just really good consistent and considerate care.

TheGoogleMum · 31/05/2021 22:39

I went back 4 days instead of 5 so nearly full time. We use a mixture, nursery 2 days, grandparents 1 day, DH and I have 1 day each (not including weekend)
I think DH sometimes wants to go back to full-time but I think nursery might cost a little more than a days work... once she starts school he should be able to though

GonnaBeYoniThisChristmas · 31/05/2021 22:45

Went back at 6 mo and 8 mo with mine and we had a nanny. I couldn’t get comfortable with any nursery surroundings we saw and for two the costs were not much greater than two sets of nursery fees.

SnackSizeRaisin · 31/05/2021 22:51

Mine goes to nursery 2 days a week. Realistically, babies of 1 year old do not "love" nursery, well if they do there's probably something wrong as inherently young babies want to be with mum. From nearer to 2 years I think many children start to actively enjoy the socialising and different activities. However, that's not to say younger babies are miserable there, I just don't think it's ideal, especially not full time. I understand many people have no choice and I'm sure most children are fine with it. But your child will be spending most of their waking hours being cared for by someone else. Just make sure you are happy with the setting and trust them fully.

eurochick · 31/05/2021 22:54

Nanny from 8 months. It was hard for me. The baby was absolutely fine!

ivfbabymomma1 · 31/05/2021 22:57

I work 5 half days a week and he's at the childminders 2 half days and when my parents 3 half days
I wish I could be a SAHP but I can't Blush

shivawn · 31/05/2021 22:57

My mother is going to do childcare for me. I would use a nursery except I work different days every week and i don't want to have to pay for 5 days when I only need 2.

SarahAndQuack · 31/05/2021 23:34

@SnackSizeRaisin

Mine goes to nursery 2 days a week. Realistically, babies of 1 year old do not "love" nursery, well if they do there's probably something wrong as inherently young babies want to be with mum. From nearer to 2 years I think many children start to actively enjoy the socialising and different activities. However, that's not to say younger babies are miserable there, I just don't think it's ideal, especially not full time. I understand many people have no choice and I'm sure most children are fine with it. But your child will be spending most of their waking hours being cared for by someone else. Just make sure you are happy with the setting and trust them fully.
I don't think that's true if it's smallish amounts of nursery.

DD's bio mum went back to work part time at six months and we shared looking after DD until she went full time when DD was a 13 months. DD went into nursery for a couple of afternoons and genuinely, clearly, enjoyed it. She didn't cry or look back; she'd run off giggling when we went to pick her up.

I don't think there was anything inherently 'wrong' with us as mothers; she was just quite secure and the nursery were a really good fit.

saraclara · 31/05/2021 23:40

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

Childminder, I wanted him to be cared for in a home rather than in a nursery.
Same. I wanted mine to be in a family, be in a house, and have the sort of daytime life they'd have with me...visiting friends, going to Tesco...all the mundane stuff!
saraclara · 31/05/2021 23:43

For those worrying about a childminder being ill, where I live all childminders had to have a backup/paired minder. So if they were ill, the backup person would have their children. Would have been a bit of a full house, but doable.
My CM used to visit her paired minder for coffee with the kids regularly, so they'd have been happy and comfortable there. But I think it only happened for one day in all the time they were with her.

DeflatedGinDrinker · 01/06/2021 02:32

Nanny