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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you returned to work full time after mat leave, who looked after your baby?

104 replies

goooooop · 31/05/2021 07:31

Contemplating putting 1 year old in nursery full time and I feel awfully sad about this, and just wondered how common it is and what other people did?

OP posts:

BeeDavis · 31/05/2021 09:29

I’m due my first baby in September, I plan on taking around 7/8 months off then going back part time, although around 30 hours which is only a day less than what I do now! My childcare will be my mum and potentially my fiancé’s mum 1 day a week each and for the 3rd day I’ll work from home and my mum will probably pop over and look after baby. I’m very lucky to have good childcare options instead of nursery!

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 31/05/2021 09:34

My mum had DD1 full time until she went to pre-school for a couple of days a week when she was nearly 3. The same is happening again now when I go back full time after my mat leave with DD2.

If you need to use nursery full time, don’t feel guilty about that. My mum is available full time and is willing (and actively really wants) to have my DD2 full time. If she hadn’t been, we wouldn’t have felt guilt putting her in nursery.

EATmum · 31/05/2021 09:50

Childminder who was brilliant and a neighbour. They became friends and 20 years on our families are really close still. Never had a moment of sibling rivalry, and I believe (on the basis of no scientific research obviously) that it's because DD1 never felt like an only child but part of a family with lots of children. My childminder/friend was exceptional but it makes me so grateful that my girls had someone so caring when we were working.

QuentininQuarantino · 31/05/2021 10:08

I went back when dd was 3 months but we live in Spain so Dh got 12 weeks paternity leave plus the leftover that I hadn’t used I gave to him which took us to about 9 months when she went into nursery full time. She’s obviously fine but I feel a little sad she didn’t have more grandparent time. Her cousins get full time granny childcare and the difference in the relationships is sad, but then again they have a sandpit and we have a beach, so... swings and roundabouts!

(Obviously I’m not saying a beach is better than grandparents but we live overseas for work so don’t have a choice and you have to focus on the positives!)

NorthernBirdAtHeart · 31/05/2021 10:11

I went back full time when DDs were 6 months old, they both went to nursery full time (no GPs nearby to help with childcare), and both thrived there.

LemonDrizzles · 31/05/2021 10:12

Nursery full time.

I went back at 8 months , 3 days a week
Then increased to 4 days at 10 months.
By 12 months we were both full time

At 8 months, I could still do a baby class or two and get just enough dug in at work.

At 12 months, it was a gradual increase for baby

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 31/05/2021 10:17

Childminder, I wanted him to be cared for in a home rather than in a nursery.

MindyStClaire · 31/05/2021 10:23

Fulltime nursery from 10 months for both of mine. They both love it, and DD1 will likely end up at school with some of her nursery friends which will hopefully make that transition easier.

I felt a bit guilty for the few days around DD1 starting, but never before or since. DD2 was born last summer and has been in a few weeks now, she is absolutely LOVING it, and it's easier on us second time around too as we know and trust the staff. Can't say enough good things about the place, they're brilliant.

KingscoteStaff · 31/05/2021 10:29

DH worked 4 days a week and we employed a wonderful Aussie nanny for those days. She stayed with us for 4 years - through Mat Leave 2 - and then looked after both DC.

I miss her!

Sideofnoreturn · 31/05/2021 10:34

I went back full time when DC1 was 11 months. Nanny 4 days, DH 1 day. All my friends had kids in nursery full time and all thrived.

Merryoldgoat · 31/05/2021 10:40

I do 4 days, 3 childminder and 1 PIL. I like the home environment of a CM and the relationship you build up. I don’t like nurseries.

Pleasedontsayyouloveme · 31/05/2021 10:44

Nursery here. Could use grandparents but I don't want us to. I know plenty of people on here say they wish they had GPs to help out but I genuinely am happier with the thought of nursery (haven't gone back yet, am going in next couple months).

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 31/05/2021 11:00

Anybody who would take her.

Once I had a few months of income, I was then able to pay a registered childminder upfront and still be able to eat/catch the bus into work, which meant I could claim back the proportion of childcare fees from Tax Credits.

I'd have loved to be able to put her into a nursery from the start, but I didn't earn enough, even with Tax Credits, to be able to afford it (the subsidised Nursery at work was solely for very senior staff, the types who earned a minimum of £75,000 - not the plebs like me on about £16k).

Dogsandbabies · 31/05/2021 11:01

Full time nursery for us.

We weren't happy with the first one and moved to another which was great. Kids always went happy and smiling. Eldest is now 9 and we still speak about Dawn, her key worker from nursery.

Megan2018 · 31/05/2021 11:03

Slightly under full time but DD went to nursery 40hrs a week from 13.5 months. It’s been fine.

paralysedbyinertia · 31/05/2021 11:06

We employed a nanny for four hours every weekday, and dh and I shared the rest between us by working at different times - both FT but very flexible roles. It worked really well for us.

BabyFartsDoStink · 31/05/2021 12:15

I didn't have a proper mat leave as I had switched jobs and my DP in Uni, making me the breadwinner.

Went back to work 4 days a week, remotely, when DS was 4 months old. We passed him back and forth and he started nursery one day a week, then 2, at 5 months.

He will be full time (school hours 9-3) in a few months just shy of a year old.

He loves nursery and is very bonded with his carers. I get updates and enjoy that all the messy play happens there instead.

The only thing that weirds me out is him coming home smelling like another woman's perfume.

StarCourt · 31/05/2021 12:18

DD was in nursery from aged 5 months from 7.30am to 6.30pm

AntiHop · 31/05/2021 12:19

4 days a work from 9 months. I was working compressed hours. Dh did the drop offs and pick ups as I left too early and got home too late. Dd is 6 now and has fond memories of nursery

BurningBenches · 31/05/2021 12:21

Full time nursery from 3m here, this was 2000 though so although in my area the norm was not to go back to work, those of us who did/had to used nurseries from earlier on. I think DDs took from 6wks, maternity leave and pay was worse then.

She enjoyed it. We chose nursery over a CM as we had no family (all too young and working full time themselves at this point) support if CM was ill and most of my holiday was used for DDs multiple illnesses in the first year.

FloconDeNeige · 31/05/2021 12:30

Full time crèche from 4 months for both. Max maternity leave here in Switzerland is 4 months. You can obviously quit your job if you don’t like this, but it won’t be there for you when you want to return.

To be honest I was fine with it. SAH is absolutely not for me (neither DH), so it worked well. DSs now 5 & 3 and love it! Even ask to go at weekends sometimes!!

SirSamuelVimes · 31/05/2021 12:38

DD1 was in full time nursery from 10 months old. DD2 has been full time at home until 2 and a half years, and has just now started two days a week in nursery and one day with grandparents. They've had completely different experiences but both are happy and healthy. It was just what was normal for them!

NoWordForFluffy · 31/05/2021 12:39

DH became a SAHD as my earnings (and future potential) were better than his.

BiddyPop · 31/05/2021 12:45

Creche. And as mat leave was much shorter then, she was there at 4.5 months. But she was not the only 1 that age and had a ball.

VestaTilley · 31/05/2021 13:18

Why are you feeling sad? As long as you choose an excellent nursery then it’s a great option- stimulating, lots to do, making friends, socialising and helping school preparedness.

My DS goes 4 days a week and is with me on my day off (Friday). Is going part time an option for you or your partner, if you have one?

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