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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you returned to work full time after mat leave, who looked after your baby?

104 replies

goooooop · 31/05/2021 07:31

Contemplating putting 1 year old in nursery full time and I feel awfully sad about this, and just wondered how common it is and what other people did?

OP posts:
SGChome20 · 31/05/2021 08:08

Full time nursery for mine. Not my plan and hoping to drop to part time but n the future but can’t just now.

CoffeeCakey · 31/05/2021 08:15

Nursery. The nurseries around here have long waiting lists, even before baby is born some of them. So I'd get it sorted if that's what you intend to do then you can relax.

HuntingoftheSnark · 31/05/2021 08:17

Full time nursery for mine from eight weeks old - I didn't give birth in the UK but overseas, where maternity leave is six weeks (and you repay it pro rata if you don't stay for a year after you return). All babies I knew did the same, and nurseries run like clockwork. Also there's zero discrimination to women in the workplace. It was sad, but only for me - DD was fine.

Sexnotgender · 31/05/2021 08:21

@HuntingoftheSnark

Full time nursery for mine from eight weeks old - I didn't give birth in the UK but overseas, where maternity leave is six weeks (and you repay it pro rata if you don't stay for a year after you return). All babies I knew did the same, and nurseries run like clockwork. Also there's zero discrimination to women in the workplace. It was sad, but only for me - DD was fine.
6 weeks maternity is shocking! Are you in the US?

I’m sitting in bed currently with my 7 week old and absolutely couldn’t imagine going back to work next week 🙁

MaMaD1990 · 31/05/2021 08:21

Mine went to nursery full time at 1 year when I went back to work. It was bloody marvellous - I got to use my brain again and she was kept exceptionally busy and entertained - she loves it. A few tears first of all but now, when I drop her off she either ignores me completely or shoos me away so she can go and get her breakfast!

Averyhungrycaterpillar · 31/05/2021 08:25

I went back to work when DD was 7 months old - she does 3 days with grandparents and 2 at Childminder’s. She absolutely loves it, and although I wish I was with her all the time, she is thriving and is much more sociable than I am!!

Snuggles81 · 31/05/2021 08:25

Childminder for my children, 4 months and 6 months when I went back. I completely understand the sadness feeling but you have to do what works for you. My girls are older now and haven't been affected negatively by me working full time from an early age. We are very close and I wouldn't have done things differently at all.

audweb · 31/05/2021 08:27

Childminder full time from eleven months. She stayed with that childminder for years, and we’re still close as friends with her and her family. She loved the setting, the other kids and the childminder herself. I never worried one bit about her settling in or being happy.

Babynamechange1bn · 31/05/2021 08:27

I went back to work full time when DD was one, she does 3 days nursery and 2 day with MIL. It took us both a few weeks to fully adjust, and I still get the mum guilt occasionally but she’s absolutely fine.
I’m thinking about increasing her nursery days to 4 or 5 as I think she gets more out of that than being at MILs house.

Toottootdrivers · 31/05/2021 08:28

I went back 4 days a week. For the first few months we split it between us and grandparents and I used a load of holiday (it was lockdown and i couldn't get him into a nursery).
When he was 15 months he started nursery 2 days a week. Grandparents do one day and DP and I cover another day each. It works for us and keeps childcare bills down. He loves nursery. Still cries a little going in but only for a minute. When he comes out he's all smiles and babbling away

Curiosity101 · 31/05/2021 08:30

I returned full time but chose a childminder rather than a nursery. My little boy had just turned 1 a couple of days before he started with her.

He is absolutely fine. He loves the childminder and he gets a much broader set of experiences than he would if he was always with me.

maddening · 31/05/2021 08:30

Wad lucky to get voluntary redundancy which had a package worth a years salary so didn't go back till ds was 2.4, he went full time to a preschool which did wrap around so was in 8-4ish Mon to Fri. It meant we could use annual leave and GPs to cover school hols which saved 13 weeks of fees each year!

SkyeIsPink · 31/05/2021 08:31

DS went to nursery part time at 6 months as I had a lot of annual leave to use up when I went back, so I had a couple of months of working 3 days a week. Then after that he was in nursery full time.

I never felt guilty tbh. It was a necessity to make sure my family could manage.

He is now a very active, confident and caring 4 year old. I honestly think the nursery did an amazing job teaching him everything he needed before starting school. I don’t think I would have done such a good job.

fish88 · 31/05/2021 08:33

I went back at 6 mo this with both of mine but partner took 6 months off as well so didn't need childcare until 1 year. Eldest went to a childminder full time at 1. With the youngest partner went part time so she went to a childminder 3 days a week at 1 year.

Lostinthewilderness · 31/05/2021 08:34

DC is 2/3 days in nursery then I normally get a day off & grandparents help. Appreciate we are very lucky to have grandparents help.

I wouldn’t personally want DC in nursery full time (just my personal view, not a criticism of those who do use nursery FT). I’d say at our nursery most kids appear to be PT but there are some that appear to be FT.

I suppose it boils down to whether you actually have a choice?

mnahmnah · 31/05/2021 08:34

I went back full time after both of mine when they were 6 months. One day with DH, one day MIL, three days childminder. They were happy. Still are.

Treezan82 · 31/05/2021 08:47

Childminder 3 days and parents 2 days. All good.

SeaSweet · 31/05/2021 08:55

Full time nursery from when each was 6 months. They don't even remember having gone to nursery these days!

HuntingoftheSnark · 31/05/2021 09:04

@Sexnotgender not the US itself but that was the closest mainland so the maternity leave was the same. As an expat, you couldn't be seen to be "special" so you had no choice. I came back to the UK when DD was six (she'll be 24 this year so it was a while ago) - obviously she doesn't remember anything about it! The support was amazing out there - lots of single mothers who simply had to work (no welfare state).

Donitta · 31/05/2021 09:05

I stayed at home with my DC until age 3. If I’d had childcare available from a grandparent I’d have gone back to work. But no way did I want to leave my child in group care with a stranger.

Theworldisfullofgs · 31/05/2021 09:08

Full time nursery for both. They loved it.
Very close to both of the who are now 14 and 19. Eldest off to a v good uni in September.

If you get a great nursery and make a partnership then it works.

BTW, my dd's best friend is still the girl she met at nursery and has never been to school with.

Smartiesandhugs · 31/05/2021 09:08

I do compressed full time hours in 4 days to give me a day off with dd. She has 3 days at nursery and 1 with my mum. I was so worried about nursery, she started at 10 months, but now she is 2.5 and I wouldn’t change it for the world. She has thrived there and loves it

User629202 · 31/05/2021 09:12

I’m going to work compressed hours so I have him one day a week, and then each set of grandparents will have him two days apiece.

I recognise what a huge privilege this is, though it’s not without complications (my in laws are no concern but I have some anxiety about whether my mother will give a shit about any rules etc we have, so we may need to review her involvement once we’ve seen how she is). We’re very lucky to have this support though.

FWIW I used to work in a nursery and one year olds thrived there. It’s a really fun, warm environment and they will learn so much and have so many opportunities. So please don’t feel guilty or anxious, it will be a really positive thing.

NeverForgetYourDreams · 31/05/2021 09:14

Part time nursery from 3 months old. Full time from 10 months old. He's 15 now and no after effects..!

Mylittlesandwich · 31/05/2021 09:15

I went back when DS was about 8 months. 2 days a week DH has him as those are his days off. One day my sister had him and he's in nursery 2 days. I then decided I didn't get to do any baby groups or anything during mat leave and I wanted a week day off so I dropped a day. He's with me that day rather than my sister.

He likes nursery now he's a little older (18 months) he didn't dislike it before he was pretty indifferent. You need to do what you need to do. Plenty of people have babies even younger in nursery full time.