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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this my responsibility or is ExH UR?

101 replies

SuncreamProblem · 30/05/2021 19:22

DD is 6, will be 7 at end of July.

She goes to ExH EOW for 1 night but due to circumstances (long story) he takes he to his parents so hasn’t had her overnight since August 2020 due to the restrictions. Last night was the first overnight since then.

DD has come back with horrendous sunburn. It’s still burning slightly 2 hours after she came home (got her back at 5.15pm). I’ve done a cool bath, after sun and calpol and she’s still in pain with it.

Messaged ExH to ask about suncream as it looks like he didn’t put any on “Yes I did put some on it was that bottle you gave me” he means the bottle I gave him in 2018 when the Child Arrangements Order was made and I only gave him because my solicitor advised me to give him a bottle so he knows what brand I use (DD has some skin issues which can be made worse by certain suncreams)

“You do know it goes out of date after a year?” I ask, he replies “No I didn’t, and mum didn’t either or we’d have got another bottle” it was all quiet for awhile and then he’s messaged back “Next time you think she needs it send a new bottle, you have to take some responsibility for her”

For context we split in 2017 due to his violence and control. He took me to court and wanted full residency but was granted EOW and 1 night for tea, though only have her EOW.

So AIBU to think ExH should of got a new bottle of suncream or is it my fault for not sending a new one? I sent her yesterday wearing it thinking he’d put more on.

Vote -
YABU - It is your fault and should of sent more
YANBU - It's ExHs fault for not knowing it goes out of date

OP posts:

Choice4567 · 30/05/2021 19:24

YANBU. at all. It’s his responsibility.

Landedmydreamjob · 30/05/2021 19:24

Totally on him.

Reply with your time, you sort the sunscreen.

And ignore him after that.

lazyarse123 · 30/05/2021 19:25

The man's a grade A twat. Fancy thinking he doesn't have to take any responsibility for his own child.

3scape · 30/05/2021 19:25

There will be a warning on the bottle (usually 12M) on the bottle. He's a dick.

GabriellaMontez · 30/05/2021 19:26

Have you asked her if he put it on? I've used out of date sun screen loads with no problems. (Not recommended)

Shamoo · 30/05/2021 19:26

He is a total cock. Poor DD. And poor you. Honestly what a twat. And you have to be completely thick to not know sun cream goes off.

Original poster

SuncreamProblem · 30/05/2021 19:27

@GabriellaMontez

Have you asked her if he put it on? I've used out of date sun screen loads with no problems. (Not recommended)

Yes I asked if he'd put it on and he said yes he did and used the bottle I gave him from 2018.

OP posts:

Soubriquet · 30/05/2021 19:28

He’s UR.

How selfish as a parent must you be not to think to have sun cream in the house knowing your dd was coming round? Sun cream that was in date

GabriellaMontez · 30/05/2021 19:28

Awful. His responsibility. Take some photos.

Original poster

SuncreamProblem · 30/05/2021 19:29

@GabriellaMontez

Awful. His responsibility. Take some photos.

Have done and will take DD to the GP/Out of Hours if needed.

OP posts:

pickingdaisies · 30/05/2021 19:31

I don't believe him tbh. I've used old sunscreen in emergency and it works ok.

DelilahDingleberry · 30/05/2021 19:32

He’s being unreasonable - but - my ex is like this - wouldn’t think to check and would blame me so I would send a fresh bottle, especially if she hardly ever goes and needs a specific brand.

Original poster

SuncreamProblem · 30/05/2021 19:33

@DelilahDingleberry

He’s being unreasonable - but - my ex is like this - wouldn’t think to check and would blame me so I would send a fresh bottle, especially if she hardly ever goes and needs a specific brand.

If he'd have told me that she needed some more I'd have been more than happy to replace it as I always get it on 3 for 2 in boots or similar. But he's never asked for assumed he'd replaced it.

OP posts:

Feelingconfused2020 · 30/05/2021 19:33

Next time you think she needs it send a new bottle, you have to take some responsibility for her” unbelievable. I can't believe he wrote that when he hasn't had her overnight since August 2020!

Don't rise to it but reply quite firmly that he needs to get his own bottle and make sure it's replaced before it goes out of date. I'd desperately want to argue back after that comment but it's pointless

Longdistance · 30/05/2021 19:37

God he’s pathetic! He can sort the sun cream himself. Ffs, you have her full time and he needs to step up and sort. He should’ve also realised if she’s in the sun too much, she needed to be in shade or indoors.
I also think he didn’t use it.

confuseddotcomma · 30/05/2021 19:37

Definitely take some pictures and get them seen by a GP. This is useful evidence should you need it in the future. He is completely negligent.

Have you asked your daughter if dad put cream on?

Original poster

SuncreamProblem · 30/05/2021 19:40

@confuseddotcomma

Definitely take some pictures and get them seen by a GP. This is useful evidence should you need it in the future. He is completely negligent.

Have you asked your daughter if dad put cream on?

She says Grandma (Ex-MIL) did put suncream but she would say that if she's been told that she's had it put on even if it's not been done.

OP posts:

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 30/05/2021 19:44

I'd tell your daughter re good and bad secrets... And whtehr she's been told to tell you lies re suncream while empathising how difficult it must be if daddy has told her to tell fibs to you.

whosappleman · 30/05/2021 19:46

"You have to take some responsibility" fucking hell id be livid!

Of course he's in the wrong. But send a new bottle for next time anyway.

I'd take her along to A&E to get checked out and make it clear she was with your ex so it's noted down for any future incidents of neglect.

chickenyhead · 30/05/2021 19:50

Father of the year. Do you have to buy plasters, calpol and guess absolutely every thing she might need too.

I would simply state that her care is his responsibility whilst he has her. Nothing more, nothing less. Don't get dragged in to a discussion.

Glovesick · 30/05/2021 19:50

He's BU. Does he also expect you to send loo roll/toothpaste/soap/[any other consumable] in case he has run out?

Original poster

SuncreamProblem · 30/05/2021 19:51

@IamtheDevilsAvocado

I'd tell your daughter re good and bad secrets... And whtehr she's been told to tell you lies re suncream while empathising how difficult it must be if daddy has told her to tell fibs to you.

They did put it on, but it looks like only once in the entire time they were outside, didn't reapply it. DD says they only put it on after she'd eaten her sandwich and they ate their sunday dinner in the garden but no-one put anymore on, which means it was applied about 12-12.30 and not reapplied in over 5 hours until I picked her up. She only came inside to eat her sandwich and put her shoes on and then i was outside to pick her up (is what she told me).

OP posts:

Auntpodder · 30/05/2021 19:51

I once asked a top sunscreen honcho about the sell by date. He replied that it was fine to use it past the date. Your EH probably didn’t use it.

MaMelon · 30/05/2021 19:53

His fault - 100%.

FreezeMotherHubbard · 30/05/2021 19:56

Not helpful but he sounds like a ballsack.

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