His ex kissed him- WWYD

[wwyd200]

I need some advice as I'm not sure if I should forget about it or not. I don't live with my boyfriend but we have a 5 month old together. Yesterday he met up with a few of his friends and they had a few drinks (he wasn't drunk as he was messaging me normally last night). This morning he messaged me and told me that he didn't know his ex was going to be there until he went. He told me that she kissed him and kept trying to hold his hand (apparently he moved) and that she sat on his lap and he felt too awkward to tell her to move.

I haven't replied to him yet as I'm annoyed but I'm not sure if I'm BU and should just forget about it. Wwyd?

I didn't go as I had to look after DS and I don't know his friends.

After a two year relationship, involving having a child with him, too don’t know his friends? Yet they know his Ex well enough to extend an invitation to her?

At the end of the day OP, nothing we say is going to change your way of thinking.

What does your instinct say?

My belief is if you have enough doubts in your mind that led you to post on here and not respond to his texts, then it means a part of you doesn’t believe him.

He's getting his half arsed story in before someone tells you what really happened.

Why don’t you know his friends?
Is this you not wanting to or him not allowing you to know them?
Do you do anything together?

If my ex sat on my lap I'd stand up while asking him what he thinks he's doing. Simple.

@wwyd200

I didn't go as I had to look after DS and I don't know his friends.

This isn't a relationship. You're at home alone, with a baby, he stays over now and then, you live separately, you don't know his friends, he's out drinking with his ex of a few months.

Are you both very young?

He's a weak waste of space. Ditch him. 🌸

I've had men try to kiss me, hold my hand and pull me on to their lap at different times of my life. I didn't want to on any of those occasions.

Guess what? It didn't happen. I pulled my hand away, i elbowed the guy in the chest who tried to pull me onto him and the guy who tried to kiss me when I was a teenager got put on his arse by a punch to the face.

You can easily be sexually assaulted, like someone grabbing your bum etc and I'm not in the least bit happy to tell you I've had that happen and much much worse over the years.

But everything he's done has to have his consent to do it, otherwise it wouldn't happen.

He's a fucking liar and you know it. Please get rid of him because he's not worth the heartache.

So his friends invited his ex who he’d been with for ‘a couple of months’ but you, his girlfriend of 2 years don’t know them enough to go out with them? Something fishy there!

How old are you both OP?

In my opinion he should not have allowed this to happen. I am also concerned that he messaged you re this instead of face to face. He really should have come and seen you first thing to talk to you about this and give his version of events. You are his partner and the mother of his child and he txt'd you that!! It looks to me as though he sees you and his child as "part time" bit of his life . Out of sight out of mind , he sounds immature. He should have spent Sat with you and his child or failing that working anywhere, to get the money you all need to move out and in together , quicker. He is attending parties when his partner and child are still living with patents , as is he. Not living together is giving him a sense of nothing has changed for him and he is living as he always has.

I do not know him Op but from your posts he really comes across as someone who has not realised what his life is now. You do not know his friends after 2 yrs together? It is almost like he has 2 lives running side by side. What monies have you managed to save together so far to aid yr move? Do you have a joint savings account? Would either set of your parents be willing to have you both live full time as a couple at one of their homes until you can move into your own place? He really needs to be a full time partner and father now before you make any decisions about this relationship. It doesn't sound to me that he is taking you or your child very seriously at the moment. You have a 5 mth old and had a 9 mth pregnancy. He has had 14 mths to sort himself out and get a rental deposit together to bring his little family together. Personally OP i think you deserve better than him. He seems happy at his parents and is still living his best life.

BS from me. Even if, and it’s a big if, his version is true. He has no backbone to defend himself from being assaulted and showing his mates that he has no respect for you. If he did, he would have told her he is committed to someone else —fuck off—.

You're only young. Don't put up with this when your baby is so small. I can't stand men who act like this. He shouldn't be out getting pissed anyway when he has a small baby and is supposed to be saving up for a house!

Sorry OP but that is the most pathetic excuse that he didn't tell her to get off his lap to avoid it being awkward.

And why haven't you met any of his friends after 2 years and having a baby with him. That is very odd indeed.

As for his friends inviting an ex of a couple of months when he's had a girlfriend for 2 years, they are either shit friends or your boyfriend is lying about that too to deflect any blame.

Hi OP,

I wouldn’t reply to him at all. Let him stew. He needs to come round and see you face to face and stop acting like a little boy.

When he finally shows up, please let him know that this is deal breaker for you and completely unacceptable and he will be going home after spending time with his child and will not be staying over. Try to act calm and in control.

He is responsible for his actions and inactions. Her behaviour is irrelevant. He is a coward for not telling you anything to your face (it is harder to hide a lie that way). Of course he could have told her a firm “no” and kept her away or simply left and gone home.

Please don’t agree to anything he asks. Let him know he crossed a boundary and you are not interested in any further discussions on the subject- shut him down if he tries to discuss it. Let him have his time with your child and then calmly ask him to go.

He will probably be expecting you to be upset and him to need to comfort you and then to continue as normal. Please use this opportunity to show him that you are adults in a serious relationship which he stands a good chance of loosing. The less you say, the better. “I’m not discussing your behaviour” , “I have nothing to say”, “you are entirely responsible for your actions” and not answering any questions - this sort of thing. (If he asks if he’s been dumped, you’re not making any decisions at the moment).

He will either realise what he has done and stands to loose or go straight to her thinking he’s been rumbled. If he comes back and promises to do better you can tell him that you need to be responsible parents and save up properly for a place which means less money spent on going out and if anything like this happens again and he fails to push her off and leave immediately, it will be over: no more chances.

Good luck

This is total bollocks. There’s no way I’d let my ex jump on me and kiss me without putting up a huge fight then possibly a call to the police because it would be assault. Who feels too awkward to tell their ex to get the fuck off them? He’s talking out of his arse.

@wwyd200

He told me that he didn't tell me on Saturday as he was tired. He said he did tell her to get off once but she wouldn't so he felt awkward saying it again. Apparently, she made him feel uncomfortable for the whole time and when she tried to kiss him he moved away from her. I just don't know if I should believe him or not.

I am sorry OP you have a young child but how old is he? 17?

He is being very economical with the truth, telling you enough to what you want to hear.
Raise the bar, this is not the guy you should want to be with!

He has kissed her, probably fell over and his dick fell into her on the way down too!